The Jetsons Lost Episode
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The Jetsons was a great show, but it actually had some really messed up moments not a lot of people know about. Hannah Barbera was notorious for cutting episodes from its lineup in the early days, largely because audience receptions were never certain. I make 2,000 dollars a year and work at a pizza parlour for some fat Adolph Hitler looking man who will not even let me take the weekends off so I can buy pornography at the only store in town (My mom disconnected my internet, that bitch, I wrote this on a letter and had a computer whiz friend of mine type it up and post it online in case you're wondering). I only got the tape because a rich investor of pornographic videos accidentally gave it to me instead of Bukkake Disabled Cumslut Cowgirls with Dyslexic legal midgets 12 and a half (inches). I'm not kidding, I masturbated to that but it was difficult. Now that I've gotten these important details out of the way, you should know something.
There's an episode of The Jetsons that is unlike any other. Not because of how great it is, or how well written it is, but because it completely changes the rest of the backstory to the entire show and may even explain what will happen in the year 2013 (Assuming it is 2013, it already happened, and if it hasn't, it will. Watch out. And if it has happened, you already know that the future is a dire one because everyone is going to die in a terrible fire caused by George Jetson who is a real man) This is the only Jetson's episode with a title card. The title card is shocking, horrifying even, because it's written in blood red letters and in a creepy font. "GEORGE JETSON MURDERED HIS FAMILY IN A TRASH COMPACTOR". George Jetson is seen speeding angrily through space traffic in his space ship. If you haven't seen the show, George Jetson has a spaceship. He looks really angry, like he's two clicks away from crashing into traffic and killing himself. "Goddamn space lights, police state, my heart is filled with scrambled eggs..." He begins to ramble and the tape starts to flicker. He's reading a text message on a cellular phone, many years before cellular phones were invented. It's Jane, his wife's phone. The text message stays onscreen for ten seconds. "I want you to ride me until I cum, Steve." A picture of a blender is shown. George is really angry. A vein is seen travelling in high detail up his neck. His eyes are bloodshot. Anyone would be angry if their wife was cheating on them, but George seemed especially angry. Murderously angry, even. As though he was going to murder someone. I had a feeling George was going to murder someone. And my feeling was correct. Later in the episode...he murdered his family.
He slams open the automatic futuristic door somehow. The robot maid approaches him and he tells her off right quick. "Shut the fuck up you goddamn sack of nuts and bolts." "Well I never" she replies. George Jetson starts dangling his ballsack over the robot, and robot-human sexual activity is illegal in his space jurisdiction. The robot starts to cry and her circuits fry up. George Jetson continues dangling and dangling his ballsack, while the robot continues to cry. She catches on fire and starts running frantically around the building, before George "offers" her some water. "I'm going to teabag all of you motherfuckers" he says. He punches her in the robot vagina and she crashes through the window to her death. He teabags out the window for a full six minutes, and you can hear the voice actor giggling to himself even though the animation never changes, and someone even walks in and asks him if he wants to order pizza. His boy Elroy runs in but slips on a comedic banana peel and slides across the floor. He teabags Elroy. Let me repeat that- he teabags Elroy. His nutsack is shown in high detail, with huge scrotal marks from signs of years of teabagging random people. Elroy is very confused. "Dad, I'm scared." George leads him into the kitchen after zippings his pants up and putting on a huge set of comedic sunglasses. I would've laughed, but the prior teabagging was too much for my funny bone if you catch my drift. "Here son, try these space pills." George hands Elroy some pills which clearly say "cyanide" on the bottle. "Dad, these don't look so good." "Try em." George says. "They're space pills." Elroy eats the space pills and dies, I was starting to think there was something wrong with George Jetson, as the coroners arrive and George teabags them.
Jane comes in and George looks really upset. "You cheated on me with a sentient blender." He said. "I want you out of the goddamn apartment." He throws a sandwich at her and she collapses on the floor like a bowling pin. "It's a futuristic sandwich." George says, as though trying to explain the fact that the editing on this episode was extremely shitty. "Let's get some future mayo on it" He starts to unzip his pants and this is when I turned the video off because it was making me very uncomfortable and sexually confused. After I saw my therapist and got some intensive psychotherapy, I ventured to view the tape again. George Jetson seems different in the second act. Jane is dead, laying in the corner, and George is throwing her, Elroy and his daughter in a huge trash compactor at the plant he works at. He's recycling them into chairs! The chairs are just cheap plastic lawn chairs, not futuristic chairs.
The next part is the most disturbing. He sits in the chairs naked and a man that looks like Adolph Hitler joins him. I think it's a metaphor for a disparate neo nazi future, but it could also just be a man with a mustache. "Hey super mario, why don't you fuck off" What's weird is that super mario didn't even exist at this point, nor did Nintendo of America. But the show takes place in the future, so they do exist. Somehow. They talk about their favorite flavors of soup until George abruptly starts to ramble. "Listen, my little German friend. I want to tell you about a future. A terrible future..." He waves his hand across the sky. "They say there is a place, somewhere, far out in the reaches of space...where you can see everything. One single point of light where the entire universe unfolds to you, and you can see the vast and infinite creation. All of the planets, the stars, the lights, the beams, the organisms." The camera zooms deep into George Jetson's grizzled face. "I'm going to find that place, Adolph." It zooms in deeper, until the animation now resembles a human face. "And I'm going to teabag the entire universe." Hitler starts to cry as the camera zooms deeper and deeper into George's retina, which disappears into a set of points of light that become the entire vast and infinite cosmos. Stars and galaxies shine and shimmer with lustrious beauty, and a cheap visual overlay of a real man's nutsack slowly fades into view. Suddenly, there's the sound of a doorbell. "Oh shit" he says. "My pizza. Uh, future pizza." He gets up and you can hear a lot of confusion as the pizza delivery man asks why his ballsack is out. There is a lot of yelling, crying and even a gunshot is heard. A horrible shadow begins to envelop the screen. At first I thought it was some kind of paranormal entity, but as it began to lower more and more, I realized what it was. It was a pair of testicles.
Credited to Schizima
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