The Lone Country Crack-Sack PHUC
|
NSFW WARNING
This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations. |
I'm pretty sure cooking is a skill not many men can master, especially under your wife's pressure to cook a decent meal. Welp, I regret giving in to that, so let me say I'm sorry for what I'm gonna tell you. If you have Slenderman come in your room after you read this, well...
FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE
My wife had bought the top-tip ingredients from Target (not Tar-GET, Tar-SHAY). "Honey, will you be a darling and cook tonight?" I was shocked at her words, as I was a terrible chef and she new. I guess she didn't want to guilt trip me when I reminded her of the first time I cooked because she said I should QUIT BEING A GODDAMN PUSSY AND FIX UP SOME FRACKING ROAST YOU SON OF A BITCH. Well, that wasn't exactly an attempt to raise my spirits. As I cleaned the veggies with my new Shrek sink I remembered our crockpot had been busted from my first meal. "I'll go get another. Be right back honey." I drove to Wal-Mart, and as I got there they were having a 45% off sale on walls. I had a coupon for $66.60 off any Shrek-themed product, so I used it on a $144.30 Lord FarQuaad crockpot, and I paid only $77.70 since I had the coupon. SHREKTESTICULAR!
The Food
I cut up the vegetables and almost cut off my erection, much to my wife's dismay. After a Donkey Pocket rocket commercial I put in the FoodClub Orge Beef and started the heat at 666 kelvin and watched in agony as a mini Beetlejuice danced on my wife's boobs. After 6 hours, 60 minutes, and 6 seconds, took out the roast and ate.
The Result
I took a bite of the potatoes and cried as it was sauced in onion cum. My wife grew demonic hyper-realistic nipples and squirted lava milk out of them and the Dragon of Shrek spoke Russian while playing Minecraft. I AM DED.
| Comments • 0 |
Loading comments...
|
