The Mind-Bending Earth-Shattering Truth the World Must Never Know
I have, contained deep within my troubled mind, a secret. I'm one of few who knows about it, and still walks this earth. It's been a horrible burden on me, and even if I meet my grisly demise as a result of the unveiling of this deception, it shall be worth the release of the pain caused by exclusionary knowledge, the torture of banishment of a normal life brought on myself by my overly curious nature.
If you wish to be spared of the living nightmare I now endure, I implore you, stop here, and continue living your life in mirthful ignorance. However, if you desire to gain the damnation of cerebral exultance, and brave a lifetime of martyrdom, read on, and don't say I didn't warn you.
Ninjas are everywhere. It is the penultimate truth. No matter where you go, a horde of silent, supernatural assassins follow you. Look around your room. Behind your television? A ninja hides there. Of course, if you attempt to find him, he will be gone. He has watched you your whole life, he can anticipate you every move. Outside, in your mailbox, a small ninja hides.
You can search for him, if you wish, but you will never find him. It's the same no matter where you travel. In every possible hiding spot, a ninja is tracking your every move. It is the same, no matter who you are, from a plumber in Russia to the King of Sweden, everyone is being spied upon by ninjas, ready to strike at all times.
You may be wondering how I came to realize this terrifying rite. It is actually a very long story, one best saved for another time. Suffice to say, it contains much excitement and horror, in my dealing with ghosts and devils. The most that needs to be communicated at this point in time is that these creatures are controlled by a dark and great spirit, whose name causes me to tremble at the mere thought of writing. This powerful soul has deployed these warriors to protect his great treasures.
They were lost to him a great long time ago, and he wants nothing more than to retrieve them. Unfortunately, being a supernatural entity means he cannot interact with the real world. The only way he can repossess his precious artifacts, is to take the life of the person he owns them, thus breaking the binding spell he himself attached to the items millenniums before.
Now that you know, be careful. No one is sure of the identity of his treasure. They could be anything, even a simple rock in your driveway. And if you happen to touch one of them, for a split second, his ninjas will strike, and take your life, cursing you to an existence as one of them. How do I know? Let's just say I'm watching you. Right now.
Oh, and one more thing. You know that old lamp you have down in your basement? I would advise against moving it.
Credited to Mdcowboy
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