The PS1 Disc
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NSFW WARNING
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I'm what you would call a Sports Video Game fan. And NO, I am not a soymen beta guy. I'm just someone who really likes the EA Sports, 2K Sports and other sports video games. I've always bought the consoles since the PlayStation 1 (Go figure). The PS1 has always been my favorite out of all consoles, along with my whole collection. I almost consider each game disc like my friends since I never had any as a kid.
One day though, I had sold all of my games. All of them to some weird guy with tourettes syndrome. He said something along the lines of "What! What the fuck" and "Stop" and "I'm going". The sole reason as to why I did this is because of one particular game.
You see, I was browsing Reddit one day on a subreddit where they mostly talked about Retro Video Games, how much they liked King of the Hill, and why their Girlfriends keep sleeping with other men while they themselves secretly like it. I was a tad bit bored of reading all of this until one reply had caught my attention. It was a link to an Amazon auction that had no bidders yet. The auction was for a game for the PS1 called "The PS1 Remastered". The cover art had some of the most famous Nintendo characters such as Spiro the dragon, Parappa the rapper, Ratchet, Polygon man, Toro inoue and Clank. I was super excited. So excited I felt an erection push up my fanny pack.
I bid $59 dollars for the game and I automatically won the auction. Weird I thought but I didn't care, I wanted to have the game in my hands. About an Hour and 9 minutes later, I got the game in the mail. I opened up the box to see the disc be completely different from the pictures on the website.
The disc was completely rotten with red marker writing that said:
"THE PS1 REMASTERED"
I wasn't too mad though since I got the game. I pulled out my PS1, popped in the game and pulled down my zipper. I was ready to have a fun experience. The first thing that happened was a title screen with music that sounded like an Bee Movie Game Main Menu Theme. I was a little surprised by this but then again, this could have been a bootleg that was remodeled. There was a cutscene that showed Barry B Benson standing next to Ken's bed. There was a textbox that said:
"One day, while Ken was masterbating, Barry got honey".
It showed Ken's pixelated, 32 bit cock on the screen with Barry's also pixelated 32 bit cock as well. I was so disgusted that I had thrown up the McDonald's and Pistachios I had eaten earlier. The game cut to a level where I had to play as Barry who was wielding an oversized knife. I was running around the bedroom, holding the knife when I was sent into part where I landed on Ken's bed and there was a textbox that had two options. Cut or Kill. I was scared of what would happen if I picked cut so I picked Kill. What happened next was an animation of Barry stabbing Ken in the gut, causing all of the bees that were probably shoved up his ass for pleasure to fall out. Barry then swung the knife at them and proceeded to tell them his plan.
Barry: "Listen here everyone, we have ourselves an PS1 disc in this bedroom and we have to find it before the FBI comes in and finds it before us"
The next level involved looking for the PS1 disc. I had found it under the bed covered in jizz stains and crayons. I was even more grossed out by this but continued on.
Barry: "Now it's time to go technical"
Barry had jumped into the TV screen to show the car rap on Parappa the Rapper. When the song was over, it shows Barry walking up behind Parappa and pushing him off of the car. He laughed and laughed as Parappa got run over and splattered all over the ground causing civilians to scream. I clicked start reluctantly as I had 8 options for rap masters to play against. Only difference was that there wasn't any rap masters at all. It was other PS1 games being placed. There was Sonic, Spiro, Tekken, Crash bandicoot, resident evil, Final fantasy, Metal Gear Solid, and for some odd reason Snoopy Dog.
I picked Sonic the hedge hog for the lulz when I was greeted with a red sky and multiple enemies dead on the ground. It was horrific until the end of the level. I was about to get inside the ring when I (playing as Barry) landed got into a... nasty hole (giggity) first. I fell down to ground when I saw the game over screen. Then, the entire PS1 disc exploded, setting my entire house on fire. I could've have sworn I heard Batman's theme song playing in the background as all of this was happening. The fire department and the police had arrived to the scene and asked what happened. I told them about what happened when they had looked at each other, laughed and proceeded to beat me up and tell me to go fuck myself. I was upset by this. The next month, I had gotten a new house. There was a letter on my door from my girlfriend which said:
"Dear Geraldo, I have left you for Lisa. Also, your PS4 on your welcome mat"
I was heartbroken but still happy my PS4 was still intact. I went inside to play it when I heard a knock on my door. There was no one there but there was one game cartridge for my disc which said.
"The PS1 Remastered: Lizard Edition"
Credited to R2K6 the second account
See also: The PS2 Disc
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