The Snorks Lost Episode: Difference between revisions
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(Created page with "{{NSFW}} {{Note credit|This is a fictional joke story written by Schizima. Don't take it seriously.}} Ever hear of The Snorks? I’m a lobster sexual. I turned myself into a lobster (like Rick Sanchez from Rick and Morty turned himself into a pickle) and I have sex with lobsters. Every morning I rub my cold crustacean claws on the makeshift cubicle tank I fill with water from the local sewer drain to enjoy soggy hot pockets, krill, sea urchins and hot pastrami filled w...") |
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{{Note credit|This is a fictional joke story written by Schizima. Don't take it seriously.}}
Ever hear of The Snorks?
I filled the room with room temperature water and began pouring salt, being careful not to allow the wires to touch the VHS tape player. I had a tape to watch! The Snorks: Straws for heads, under the sea where no one can bother them. Snorks: they suck water out of gills to get oxygen through a tube embedded in their skull, they are the first civilization and predate humans and crustaceans. Snorks: if you see one, murder it, they may look pretty on the outside but they use that straw to place an incision and drink your blood. Snorks: how do they speak English? Only Americans can speak English, not these quirky high quality characters of comfortable camaraderie.
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This was disturbing. I watched the Snorks dance, sway, have a Hawaiian luau and one snork even murdered a prostitute, in highly graphic detail. One of the snorks picked up a piece of smoked fish dip and screamed, screamed that he was eating his own father.
The episode was about being safe during a thunderstorm while using a toaster. It all made sense now. The Snorks were always family friendly and they were being friendly with friends and family right now. One of the snorks claimed he was searching for the lost gold of Sextus Pompeius, and then he murdered a homeless man with his shoe. He removed the homeless man, who had drowned, he removed his gold fillings, and began to sing a sea shanty as his eyeballs drifted through Davy
The Hitler Snork plugged a toaster into an electrical outlet. A seashell toaster that bakes hot sliced pearl bread. The
Hitler? Killed by a school of fish? Whoever made this episode needed to go
I was going to do it. I was going to find the Lost Treasure of the Snorks! I got in my 1987 Toyota Corolla and began driving into the Atlantic ocean. I know what
…It was the Snorks. The snorkel tendril penetrated my skull and began sucking blood out of my face. The window cracked and water poured in, not that that mattered since I
I was dragged along the seafloor of the Atlantic ocean, as none of the snorks spoke. My corpse was taken to the Snork high council, a group of robed individuals who decide the fates of deep sea maritime travelers who find out too much too soon. The snork that had given me oxygen had died, and it was turned into a biological battery that was now sucking in oxygen through a filtration system to pump into my veins. The dead Snork dangled from my neck as I drifted up the pearl staircase to address these distinguished deep sea dwellers.
They informed me that the reason the Snorks were so colorful was because they were trying to keep the population colorful through eugenics. I
My dead father, who was also buried at sea, if you
My
I fell over, naked, bleeding and cold. The audience…the studio audience was staring at me! Music began to play, shitty gameshow music, as this was a tv set. They had lured me here as a prank. It was an elaborate deep sea suicide treasure hunting prank. But the audience was just cardboard cutouts. I could hear a tape recorder playing in the background, taped applause. I was on the camera, high up in the sky! The image played and replayed, me, clutching a fork next to a skeleton and inserting it into a toaster, while the audience in spirit laughed maniacally at my electrical incident. That
Do you remember on the later seasons of Full House, Wake up San Francisco? You remember, I know you do…
Bob Saget, who played Danny Tanner on full house, randomly walked in, but he looked almost 30 years younger. I then realized he had
…Human fingers.
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