The Sum of All Fears
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It was about 8 years ago that I worked as an intern for Nintendickelodeon studios. I was always entranced by this one closet in the backroom that contained lost episodes. I asked my manager if I could check it out, and he said no. But I took his spare key when he wasn't looking, and went in the closet.
Being a suave motherfucker, I stole a video tape and a Gameboy game from the closet. The tape was an unaired episode of Spongebob Squarepants, and the game was a version of Pokemon I had never seen before called "Evil Black". I couldn't make up my mind which of these suspicious items I wanted to investigate first, so I diced to watch the tape and play the game at the same time.
The Spongebob episode started with the normal intro, except the audio was reversed, and the video quality was bad. Then it cut to black, and immadiately cut again to the actual episode. I felt a trembling in my knickers when I saw that the episode was titled "THE DEATH OF MR KRABS". Why would they kill off Mr Krabs!?
I had to let this sink in for a moment, so I paused the tape and started playing the Pokemon game. Curiously, there was already a saved file on it. It was called "YOU ABANDONED US". Quite odd. I began to play this mysterious file. I started off in Lavender Town, which was unfortunate because I rather dislike the music played there.
I then proceeded to look at the Pokemon I had. There was a Pikachu, a Blastoise, a Pidgey, and a Rhydon. As I was walking through Lavender Town I was besieged by a new pokemon, "Dead Horse". The only I could defeat them was with Rhydon's "Beat" attack, but it seemed impossible to avoid them.
So then I went back to Spongebob. Spongebob was at his house, but he didn't seem like his usual self. instead of happy, he was angry and slamming his fits against the walls. Patrick came in, but he didn't walk he floated. Then Spongebob punched him and Patrick started bleeding from the moth. The Spongebob got a knife and went to he Krabby Patty's, then stabbed My Krabs.
Stunned by the inappropriate violence, I paused and returned to Pokemon: I walked north and to talked to one of the people walking around. He said "Pay attention to what you're doing" Could the game be noticing what I'm doing in real life? What sheer popcockery! Another townsperson named Ben told me "You shouldn't have done that."
I walked around a little more and saw a bunch of pokemon walked around on their own. I talked to them and they said "YOU ABAND NOD US. WE HAET YOU. WE WILL SEND SQUIRTWADS TO CUM ON YOU"
And to my horror, the Spongebob episode started playing on it's own! And sure enough, Squidward was standing there, staring at the screen! Except he looked a bit different, he had a very firghtening face and he was wearing a woman's dress.
He bellowed in a demonic voice; "I AM SQUIRTWADS AND IM GONNA TO CUM ON YOU"
And instantly he tore his way through the television and into my room, and he bent me over the couch and cummed my tender virgin anus with his massive, hyper-realistic squid cock.
And that's why you should never stand up in a canoe.
TO BE CONTINUED
Credited to Cosbydaf
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