The Toothdog

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Once there was an abomination that should never have seen the light of day, created in a science lab. That's what I call my kitchen. I had a thought... What if you put toothepaste on a hotdog? This marked the worst day of my life. I don't even have any hotdogs at my house, I'm vegetarian. I had to seek one out. I went to the grocery store where I saw a box in the freezer. It read "Hot dogs." As I purchased the hotdogs, the sassy checkout lady looked at me with an odd face, like I was a monster or something. "You just buyin' those hotdogs? Why'd ya come to the store jus' fo' hotdogs?" Her use of abbreviations aggravated my inner grammar nazi, but I ignored it. I replied with a cold "To create something beautiful." I was so wrong in saying this. I drove home, pulling into my rock-covered driveway and unloading the cargo that would ruin my life. It was just like the cold war. I had to figure out an alternate way of cooking them, as I didn't want to contaminate my cookware with hotdog. I started a fire in a building down the street and left. I never got caught. I wish I would have... I frantically ran back to my house, knocking my toothbrush off of the sink counter and grabbing the toothepaste. I squirted the minty paste onto the surface of the hotdog, and it came alive... It ran away and murdered 16 people. I regret every moment of that night. Please watch out or it will invade your head while you sleep and consume you from the inside out. Alive.

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