The worst story ever
This is a story full of magic, wonder, and adventure. All of these things will be included in the story. You can trust me as I'm the narrator and fully reliable. After all, creative writing is my passion!
You see, it all began when I was born. I remember it like it was yesterday (because it actually was HAHA SPOILERRRRR!!!): the dark walls of my mothers birth canal laid out before me like a vast, wet (and slightly smelly hehe!) dungeon. Yet I kept rolling forward because the previous figure of speech was literal and my feet were actually wheels....SURPRISE! Actually sorry I had wings and was flying oops :). And I was hungry; And I was lost; And I was confused; And I was depressed; And I just.....WAS. Man that's deep....
Anyway this continued for at least a decade, until I eventually saw a diamond-shaped light. The light was calling me because that's what lights at the end of tunnels always do. I then began driving toward the light in my brand new 2007 Honda Civic, fully clothed in my birthday suit. I was already getting desperate for this story to end;
Reaching a stop sign (GET IT?????????????!!!!111!!!69), I stopped and saw the face of a man in the light ahead before stopping. I stoped. He was a man with a moosetache wearing a white suite. He was also a man in a doctors office. Using my genius-level intellect, I was then able to deduce that this man was, in fact, a man. The world turned from black-and-white to color. The sky opened up and the clouds disappeared. The toilet flushed and all the turds were gone. <INSERT OVERLY-CONTRIVED METAPHOR #87538769692234 HERE>
Using all my strength, I weakly summer-salted out of the thinly-veiled reference to my mothers vagina that I mentioned earlier and straight into the man's lap. We then shook hands as equals and he equipped his wizard robe and staff which gave him more well-rounded stats during battles in tall grass. We then had a very detailed and interesting conversation about the state of the dying world which I won't talk about here because it wouldn't interest you. Long story short, he told me I was born to accomplish great things, and I knew he was right. The man laughed, as did I......we were finally home.
I forgor what happen next haha!
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