Time to Deliver a Pizza Ball!
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I'm sure many of you are familiar with the famous Eric Andre Show skit, Pizza Ball, in which our protagonist attempts to deliver a pizza ball to a karate instructor (Ramadan Steve) who is unwilling to accept it, with hilarity ensuing. However, what many people don't know is that an alternate cut of the skit existed in the Adult Swim archives before being stolen sometime during the summer of 2017. The alternate cut was subsequently uploaded onto YouTube where less than a dozen people saw it before it was subsequently taken down and the uploader arrested. I was one of those people.
The skit begins as it does in the version available to the public. After 20 seconds however, the jingle "Time to deliver a pizza ball!" turns into "Time to deliver a bussy ball!" as Mr. Andre breaks into the dojo and starts yelling about feculent substances. After this, he does something highly revolutionary for a television production, he begins goatse-ing his anus and inserting the pizza ball—now dubbed the 'bussy ball'—into it.
At this point we would expect to see Ramadan Steve step in and try to get this lunatic out of his dojo, but Ramadan Steve is nowhere to be seen. He is replaced with a chubby Swedish man named Olaf. Olaf looks at Andre with awe, as if he is witnessing the second coming of Christ. After a short back and forth with his students, Olaf tells Andre "I am ready." before laying on the floor.
Andre knows what he has to do now. He bends over, teabagging Olaf. The tip of Mr. Andre's penis touches Olaf's Adam's apple, which makes Olaf uncomfortable, prompting him to ask Andre to move a little. Andre obliges and moves a little forward, now his balls are on Olaf's Adam's apple. Much better.
With a loud roar, Mr. Andre begins shitting out the bussy ball, and for a final time, the jingle plays. He is truly 'delivering' a bussy ball, like a woman delivers a child. While half the ball has already exited Andre's anus, something goes horribly wrong. Parts of the ball break a wall inside Andre's body and enter his balls, filling them. Everyone is panicking, unsure what to do, Andre is in horrible pain but he can't just stand up and leave and go to the doctor!
Then, Olaf does something heroic. He extends his Adam's apple 14 inches, pushing parts of the rogue ball out of Andre's balls and back into his anus. He shits them out gracefully.
The day has been saved thanks to Olaf, who stands up with the remains of the bussy ball and some fecal matter on his face. He and Andre look at each other romantically, and after a few seconds they make out—perhaps the most authentic kiss in a television production's history. Everyone in the dojo begins to clap and cheer as Andre and Olaf walk out of the door and into the sunset, their outlines beautifully illuminated by mother nature.
The end.
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