To Kill A Mocking Bullock (American Dad Lost Episode)
Author's note: This story is a funnypasta, and is therefore not intended to be taken seriously. And with that being said, please enjoy and please do make sure to leave your thoughts and feelings in the comment section down below.
Like every dog out there; my favourite show of all time would have to be American Dad. It's the best damn show in the entire universe in my humble opinion. Before I diverge into details regarding my love for American Dad; I would like you to know with your permission that my name is Bloom, and I am the bookkeeper in a smelly gang of dogs in Oakton City known as the Backstreet Dogs Gang. Any good dog gang has a bookkeeper, and the gang needs me to check over the accounts for our dog biscuit dealings. Our gang operates in a smelly junkyard just north of Bunker Street, and we pretty much took over the junkyard from a flock of seagulls. I guess I should now go over the other members of the Backstreet Dog Gang.
First of all there's Tramp The Wonderer or Tramp The Stray as he was referred to back in 1997 when he was working as an assassin for the Atlanta Corporation. They'd do anything for some prime real estate. Yes that's the way it was...... uh. Sorry about that I was busy trying to clean my reading glasses because all dogs own a pair of reading glasses didn't ya know? Tramp is just a yes man or rather yes dog to be exact, and as such acts as the second in command to our esteemed leader The Boss. Yes seriously, our leader has no real name. His real name was leaked onto Reddit a few years back, but the Reddit post was quickly taken down after the Redditor got her hands on some premium dog biscuits. Wink. There's also rumours swirling all around Oakton that Tramp is actually an undercover police informant, but I highly doubt it's true. Then again did you see how nervous Tramp got at that big meeting at The Purple Otter once The Boss started talking about what happens to rats? I wonder what the story was behind that. Anyways, Butcher The Bulldog is our lead enforcer. He's also a really stupid fucking bulldog who can barely speak coherent sentences. Butcher is also seriously addicted to Aldi's like any good bulldog, and he often steals food from the parking lot of Aldi's and that just makes me sick to my little doggy stomach it does! Then there's Vera.... whose so fricking boring that I won't bother explaining anything about her since she won't appear at any other point in this tale. Seriously, Vera is so boring that The Boss was tempted to send her to Empire Bay to work for Alberto Clemente who had quite the reputation for hiring boring people who came from the City of Boring if you catch me drift my bucko?
The Backstreet Dog's main business is dealing dog biscuits by the pound on the streets to less fortunate dogs. We make a real mint conning the poor puppies out of their hard earned millions, and it is my job to launder our money into bitcoins as The Boss is planning on using the funds to build a brand new freeway up near Granit Pass. It's a massive scam. So massive that The Boss has gotten support from every gang in the city most notably the Molinari Crime Family. However, the Molinari's refused to provide their support unless we kill an incredibly important senator who was visiting Oakton City for his holidays. The senator was this really annoying bird who had a soggy old sock for a beak. He used to be a sports commentator in Madrid some years ago until he was eventually fired in around 2004 for doing himself in the neck hole. The less said about that the better! Oh! Speaking of annoying birds; our gang is regularly monitored by a really fucking annoying crow named Peck Fex.
Peck Fex used to live in the countryside, but after the tyrannous Teddy took control, he flew all the way to Oakton City. Peck serves as a sort of narrator for our lives. He always talks to an imaginary audience about everything we do. He's quite the asshole that Peck Fex as he never offers to help us with our problems. Though granted, Peck did once help us save some of our doggy friends from the local dog food factory. Peck had snuck into the factory late one night, and upon seeing one of the guards punching a number into the code machine. Upon seeing the code, Peck Fex proclaimed, "hmm that's supposed to be a secret number. It's just a simple mathematical equation!" He then proceeded to enter the code allowing for our dear friends to escape the dog pound. Before you go off saying that Peck is just a great crow for doing such a hard worthy task, you need to please bare in mind that the little fecker had ample opportunity to save the dognapped pups, but he never bothered to take the opportunity. I certainly hope that one day that Peck Fex gets ran over by a truck. Hmm.
Going back to what I said earlier about the bird senator; now surprisingly, The Boss was more than willingly to assassinate the bird, and began putting in the arrangements to kill the senator while he delivered an incredibly boring speech for the Oakton City Annual Easter Parade which isn't annual as it only happens every six 1/2 years, but be quiet my bucko for the point remains the same regardless. There is indeed no doubt whatever about that. The night before performing the job; The Boss demanded that we all sit down in the middle of the junkyard to watch an American Dad episode that Butcher had managed to steal from a truck belonging to this blue jay from Mohawk Avenue.
Yes, the Backstreet Dog Gang is also heavily involved in the sales of pirated DVD's. We are provided these pirated DVD's from our contacts in Germany. Now in spite of us receiving numerous threats in the past from Big Smile Lee to not sell pirated DVD's; we continue to take part in the business. Can you imagine the sheer profits to be made from selling pirated DVD's. Imagine the grocery bills! Every single frank we make goes towards building that brand new freeway. We never actually paid for our work, as all the money we earn is converted into bitcoins by The Boss as part of his grand scheme for the freeway. "It's just the way this business works kid. Business was business." The Boss had explained to Tramp and I one day. I love the fact he called him kid when The Boss was only 14 years old, while I myself was approaching the age of 20. I had grown rather dumb in my old age as I now rarely take as much as time when it comes to managing our accounts. I think that The Boss realises this too as he's slowly allowing for more younger dogs like Butcher and Vera to take the helm in jobs that I once would have done. Yes that's the way it was..... uh!
Now in regards to the DVD of American Dad, The Boss claimed that the DVD contained a super special episode of the series that was never ever supposed to be aired. "Well how do you have it then?" I asked curiously as dogs tend to do ya know? "What does it matter to you anyway ya old bastard?" The Boss responded as he then continued with, "we need to watch this DVD before Big Smile Lee finds out, and sends his crew after us." "Oh good grief you stole it from Lee. I thought you said Butcher got it from from a blue jay over on Mohawk." I was cut off as The Boss forced me to put the disc into the nearby Xbox 360. You're probably wondering who would throw away a perfectly good functioning Xbox 360. Well I wouldn't know! That damn crow Peck Fex was watching this entire exchange take place by sitting on top of a nearby lamp post. Peck was silently laughing to himself as he said, "yeah that's the way I imagined it." He said this because the old Peck has a thing for Xbox 360's.
Now given that the DVD isn't an official licensed DVD the cover art was not very good. In fact, the cover just had a dodgy picture of the Smith family drawn on it. It looked bloody horrible as it had been drawn with salad cream. Also, it was super fricking sticky, and it got stuck to my paws. I had to be extra careful when handling this damn DVD so's I didn't get any sticky salad cream in my damn glasses. Well that's certainly a whole lot of damn isn't it my bucko? Yes indeed. The disc on the other hand was completely blank. However, if you were to zoom into the disc by 9001% you would see a picture of Erik Hartman. Erik Hartman was the acclaimed host of the acclaimed show Boomerang. This was until Erik laughed at an incredibly dangerous man named Valair. Valair looked like a street mug, but he sounded like Mickey Mouse. Mickey Mouse fisted a cow ya know? Erik laughed so much however he didn't realise that a man in the audience who suffered from the same vocal problem as Valair had connections beyond any comprehension. And as such, he was able to get Erik Hartman fired. Erik got his own back however as he managed to land a job at his local radio station where he started his very own radio show entitled, "DJ Boomerang." He plays the exact same song every single show. The song is I'm Driving In My Car by Macca And The Bulldogs. Also, Erik has grown very intolerant in his later years as he has developed something of a hatred towards people who sound like Mickey Mouse. I guess an audience with Sonny The Coocoo Bird is out of the question then isn't it?
Ahem! Enough of that thank you! Let's actually get onto the episode of American Dad. The DVD caused the Xbox 360 to start shaking violently as smoke started to come out from the console. The controller also shook rather violently in my paws. I'll save that for later! Anyways, the DVD started off by showing a brief video which had a man thanking us for purchasing the DVD. "By purchasing this DVD you are supporting the UK film and television industry..." He would have continued had not been for huge letters falling out of the sky. The letters made out the words; "thank you," However, the words end up falling on top of the man crushing him to death in the process. I started sobbing violently. I took off my reading glasses briefly in order to give them a wipe with my paw which caused The Boss to glare at me for a brief moment. And with that, the episode of American Dad finally began to play. At that moment, I paused the episode briefly in order to ask The Boss what it was about. According to The Boss, the episode was about Stan Smith finding out that his boss in the CIA; Avery Bullock is an international super criminal who must be silenced. Stan is then ordered by the CIA to take Bullock down. Take him down to Chinatown! I hoped that Stan would not succeed in killing Bullock as he was my favourite character in the show. I had met Patrick Stewart many moons ago, but he was very rude and responded to my questions about American Dad by rubbing his temple for a good five hours. Believe me I never left Remy I never did.
I then proceeded to unpause the episode. The theme song just wasn't right. First of all, Stan's voice had been autotuned. His voice had been autotuned so much that it quite honestly made him sound like Robin the green duck who loves digital style. DIGITAL STYLE! Also, Stan was very fat and during the part of the song where he opens up his bedroom window he ended up making the entire window break off with his humongous belly. During the scene where Stan appears in the living room to say goodbye to his family before heading to work other things began to go wrong. First of all, Francine was replaced by Colonel Dodo who gave Stan a pipe for some reason. Steve's head was shaped like a blank of wood. During the part, where Hayley sticks the picture of the peace sign on Stan's back it ended up causing Stan to scream in pain as the picture had toxic waste all over it. It didn't seem to affect Stan all that much as the screen eventually cut to show him getting inside his SUV. "Oh boy it's swell to say..." Stan was cut off as Roger appeared dressed up as General Asquith. "Good morning USA!" Roger finished as Stan ended up crashing his SUV into a nearby Jack In The Box. Millions lost their lives in the accident, but there's no time for that now!
The episode started with Stan standing in line in the canteen at the CIA building waiting to get a prune muffin or something. Avery Bullock was at the front of the line chatting up with Agent Duper. Bullock was going on and on about how he was going to promote Agent Duper to second in command of the entire CIA. He had initially intended to give this promotion to Stan, but Stan had since lost favour with Bullock and so he opted to give the promotion over to Stan's rival Duper. Not wanting to lose his chance at getting a promotion, Stan hopped on top of one of the tables in the canteen, and started singing into his food tray. "Food glorious food!" Stan sang but sadly neither Bullocks or the rest of Stan's co-workers saw the humour in the situation. "Smith!" Bullock yelled at the top of his lungs as he then continued with, "leave comedy to the bears. Get down from there, and do whatever job Agent Duper tells you to do!" I should also mention that while leaving the canteen, Bullocks smiled evilly to himself. Foreshadowing!
The episode then showed a brief montage of Stan being forced to carry out several embarrassing jobs like cleaning the toilets and making dinner for Mr Mole. There was even a little musical number which featured Dick Reynolds singing about how Stan should marry the mole. Stan had no idea how to respond, and he'd fight to give the song a star on Yelp. That evening, Stan was shown mopping the floors of the CIA building when he overheard Bullock in his office on a Skype call. Wanting to gain favour with his boss and earn back his chance of getting a promotion, Stan decided to impress his boss with his mopping skills. However, upon reaching the door to Bullock's office, Stan stuck his disgusting ear onto the door in order to listen to what Bullock was talking about. He couldn't believe that he heard and nor could I! It made my doggy ears itch. I scratched them with my back paw as the episode cut to show Bullocks on a Skype call with Dr Heinz. Before you go getting excited; sadly no it was not Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas & Ferb. No instead it was actually Dr Heinz owner of the Heinz Baked Beans Company, and the creator of Doctor Gareth Smellnick, but that's another story entirely.
Bullock took a sip from a coffee cup shaped like the Cliffs of Dover as he asked Dr Heinz, "so is the doomsday machine near in completion Doctor?" "Oh it's in completion alright mon. You got me payment ya know and ting?" Dr Heinz asked as Bullock pulled out a large brown bag from his ear. He placed the bag onto his desk, and opened it up revealing it to be filled with millions of green dollar bills. "And that's just interest." Bullock said as he then pulled out another bag from his ear this one containing a series of blue diamond looking things named tings. "Me like tings!" Dr Heinz proclaimed happily. Basically, Bullock and Heinz planned on using Heinz's doomsday machine which looked like a regular old soup maker to destroy the world. Bullock and Heinz would be protected by hiding in an escape pod. They would fly the escape pod into space, and would run once the effects of the explosion had worn off. Bullock would then claim control of the now destroyed Earth, and would name it after himself. Once in control of the planet, Bullock would set about taking control of the entire solar system. He wanted to get back at the world for all the hardships he had faced over the years. Dr Heinz had agreed to help Bullock in his business as he was planning on opening a baked bean themed theme park on Bullock's new planet. Isn't that swell?
At that moment, Stan ended up making a big ole mistake when he accidentally let out a massive fart. Upon hearing this, Bullock got up from his desk carrying a large shotgun as he asked, "is that you Smith?" Thinking quickly, Stan ran out of the CIA building before Bullock had even made his way out of his office. Upon getting out of his office, Bullock saw that there was no one there. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "must have been my imagination." He then proceeded to head back into his office farting violently as he did so. Outside the CIA building, Stan got into his SUV, and began driving towards Duper's house. Stan knocked on the front door of Duper's house 546 times before the door finally opened up to reveal a George Washington looking butler. He claimed to be Duper's best friend and only friend really. "Can I help you?" The butler asked Stan. The butler did not look very old, but he sounded as if he was 150 years old, and as such it took him an eternity to get his damn words out. He was very senile as he started laughing at the piece of rotten Lambcaster Gum which had stuck onto Stan's shoe. Ever tried Lambcaster Gum? It'll make your teeth fall out and gain an apprenticeship at Northwestern Medical School. Stan then proceeded to explain what had transpired at the CIA with Bullock which caused the butler to proclaim, "you had better come in!" Stan was allowed into the household where he proceeded to explain his story over to Duper. Turns out Duper had been in the house the entire time, but he just refused to answer the door cause quite frankly he was quite the lazy man that Agent Duper!
The following day at work, Stan was shown bored sitting through a boring board meeting in which Duper discussed what to do with Bullock and Dr Heinz. However, none of the CIA agents who were shown in the meeting room had ever been on the show before. They were all life action people for some reason. Duper then explained that Bullock and Heinz would need to be silenced. I found it rather odd that Duper never bothered questioning Stan on whether he had any proof on Bullock and Heinz building a doomsday machine, but as a dog I feel it would be unwise for me to make such remarks. Duper started off the board meeting by saying, "I suppose we could just fire him." "We'll have to give him three months notice." One of Stan's co-workers named Peter Napaldi said which caused everyone in the room including Stan to groan heavily into their handkerchiefs. "Nonsense!" Duper cried at the tippy top of his Duper lungs as he then said, "we will kill Bullock and his Jamaican friend, but who pray tell should be issued the task of killing our former esteemed leader?"
For some reason, the show then did a random cutaway to show Stan and the rest of the CIA on a stage dancing with some frogs who were wearing top hats. This isn't Family Guy! This is American Dad! They don't do cutaways! During the cutaway, Stan ended up tripping off the stage and fell into a deep body of water where a sea turtle latched onto his leg with it's mouth. The sea turtle then proceeded to drag Stan below the depths. Sea turtles mate! I don't quite know how but the cutaway somehow convinced Duper that Stan Smith was the one who should kill Bullock as after he was after all the one to discover Bullock's betrayal. "I can't do it!" Stan cried, however Duper was able to get Stan to agree to the hit after promising that he would become the new head of the CIA if he was able to successfully pull off the hit. "Nope I don't want that!" Stan said rather nonchalantly as Duper responded with, "if you do it I'll sing Brick By Brick." Duper then started singing with, "Brick by brick; tock by tock no matter how tall no matter how thin." The screen then cut to black as a SICK picture of Stan came on screen. He was dressed up as my local washing machine dealer. That's just sick! It was so bad that it actually caused Butcher to run out of the junkyard in fear. He ran all the way to Aldi's. Peck meanwhile who was busy watching the episode with us remarked, "really Butcher was the smartest one." No he wasn't you birdhole! This episode is breaking me!
The episode then cut to a horrid clip which featured Rap Rat dancing inside a recording studio which had been decorated to look like a huge block of cheese. All of the people he was dancing with looked like dodgy BBC extras who were desperate to get their big break. "He's Rap Rat and he's the boss." A male voice could be heard saying in the background in an overly serious tone as Rap Rat danced like a mad man or rather a mad rat! How delightfully Yorkshire Tea! There was another clip after that which featured Squidward and Larry The Lobster taking part in some last minute Christmas shopping. After finishing up their shopping, Larry explained that he needed to head back to his lobster crib for a protein shake. Yes you see; ole Larry was addicted to those damn protein shakes like some kind of Richard Bagg. That's just really sad as Aunt May would say. Squidward then decided to throw an assortment of insults towards Larry regarding his love of protein shakes. This caused Larry to lose his shit, and to become redder than usual as he started to beat the snot out of Squidward. Serves you right Squidward! You don't insult a lobster's love of protein shakes. It's just not done that way! It's so unseemly!
After those two damn clips ended, the episode came back to show Stan and Roger sitting in Stan's SUV outside Bullock's house. Roger was dressed up in a stereotypical Mexican costume whilst Stan was dressed up as Kronk from Emperor's New Groove. Roger had agreed to help Stan with killing Bullock as he believed that with Bullock dead, he would finally be allowed to walk outside without having to wear a disguise ever again. Stan got out from the SUV not bothering to lock the door. Even though he owned the laundromats that did all the work. Those damn laundry bills eat up a lot of dough know what I mean? In any case, the pair snuck their way up towards the mansion with Stan cutting through the gate by using his chin as a hacksaw. Stan and Roger made their way through Bullock's large and expansive garden and distracted the only guard on duty by getting him Mike Myers' The Cat In The Hat on Blu Ray. How thoughtful I must say! The pair then crept their way inside the house as Bullock had forgotten to lock the back door. Why don't people lock their doors? Don't they know they could be owed millions in frankincense don't you?
Stan and Roger crawled their way through the house until they reached the living room and discovered a small blue book sitting atop the bookshelf. Stan lifted Roger up towards the bookshelf in order to have a little peak inside the book. "Come on Roger! Hurry up!" Stan whined as Roger began scanning through the book. The book contained a series of weird pictures like drawn pictures of Colonel Dodo and Boris Johnson. Boris Johnson? How could that be anything other than a political statement I ask you! It's madness! Eventually, Roger reached the middle of the book which featured a list of names as well as a list of numbers. It was a payroll. The book revealed all the CIA agents who were getting paid by Bullock to help with constructing the machine. To Roger and Stan's horror; Duper and Dick were both on the payroll and for big money too. Suddenly, the door to the living room was kicked open as Bullocks' guards Woolly & Worth then appeared on the scene to confront the pair.
Woolly & Worth were the mascots for the Woolworths chain. A popular chain of stores in the United Kingdom which were discontinued in 2009 for lack of sales. The company was made redundant by it's incompetent mascots Woolly & Worth. Woolly & Worth were very dumb as they always spent loads of money on hiring celebrities to star in their adverts. Not well known celebrities however, I'm talking about people like a George Lucas lookalike. Despite only being a lookalike, the duo were still charged 2 mill for him to star in their adverts. Woolly was proper dumb as whenever Worth assigned him to get something from Woolworths, he'd straight up come back with the wrong thing. One time, Woolly was sent to get something to eat from Woolworths, but he came back with some lights. This ended up ruining Worth's relationship with actress Kelly Osbourne. Worth was planning on proposing even though the pair had barely even trimmed a turkey yet. He had spent long afternoons looking on Amazon and the official Woolworths website for the correct ring, but sadly it was just not meant to be. The pair were also infamous for their terrible business decisions, and for causing a scandal known as The Big Red Book Scandal.
The Big Red Book Scandal was a book that was launched by Woolworths in 2007. Woolly and Worth claimed that the book contained 660 pages and over 6000 things to buy. However in reality, the book only contained 659 pages, and there were only 5999 things to buy. The book was also blue and not red which caused anyone to see it on store shelves to vomit out their intestines. A court case was eventually held. During which the pair confessed to planning to use the book to embezzle money from the British government in order to build their very own house made all out of wood for keeping you dry when it's raining. The court battle ended up costing the pair a great deal of dosh! This is what caused the downfall of Woolworths, and two years later, the company was forced to close it's doors. It was also known thanks to the Federal Bureau of Narcotics looking into the matter that Worth was involved in dealing heroin, and sold pounds of it to the Empire Bay Triads back in Empire Bay which in turn made him a killing, but Woolly remained none the wiser as Worth had always warned him from getting involved in drugs when he was dealing them the entire time. Worth also never confided anything in his sheep friend.
Back to the episode, Stan and Roger were able to avoid the wrath of Woolly and Worth, by offering to buy them lunch. "Head down to Woolworths and get us something to eat!" Worth commanded. Stan and Roger drove their way down to Woolworths where they found a tin of curry beans, however they became distracted when they noticed that Darth Vader was selling free samples of orange juice. They decided to take Darth Vader back to Bullock's house in order to get back at the pair for their actions during The Big Red Book Scandal. Those bastards! "Prepare for lunch." Darth Vader said as he planned on making Woolly and Worth some beans on toast. Stan and Roger then proceeded to make their leave, and while driving back home they noticed that Bullock was in front of them in his car. They decided to kill Bullock right then and there, but they ended up getting involved in a high speed car chase. At one point in the chase, Roger stuck his head out the window, and shot a bullet at the car but Bullocks managed to duck out of the way just in time. Upon seeing the bullet stained windshield, Bullock smiled a very smug smile as he then proceeded to cross the train track. Stan and Roger attempted to do the same thing, but they ended up getting rammed off the side of the road by the train. Stan got out from the car holding his chest in pain as he said, "oh that lucky little Dickens!" Well that certainly sounded rather out of character for ole Stan Smith, but whatever I'll bite it like a grape vine!
At the annual CIA company picnic which took place the day after the attempted hit on Bullock, Stan and Roger were shown lazing around on a tea towel next to the rest of the Smith family. Francine once again was replaced only this time it was not by Colonel Dodo. No instead she was replaced by a really scaring looking teapot named Uncle Teapot. Bullock was speaking with Duper about something, and the rest of the CIA agents were setting up a stage for Bullock to unveil a new invention. According to the blue book from earlier, today was the day that Bullock intended on using his doomsday machine. It is also worth noting that from here on out, Dr Heinz did not appear in the episode as a result of him having a public dispute with Bullock over how much effort he put into the role. This is why he was instead replaced with Agent Duper in scenes 35 and 37. Got that? Okay. Yes that's the way it was.....uh. Stan got ready to kill Bullock with a gun he had smuggled into the party by stuffing it inside his shirt collar. Rather stupid to hide a gun Stan don't ya think? However, Stan was unable to fire the bullet as he was pulled away from the picnic by Dwayne Pryce who wished for Stan to meet with some very important Northwestern alumni. All doctors!
Stan was brought to another end of the field where he met up with four doctors who were very pleased to see him. "Finished his written exam in only twenty minutes, this kid is a dynamo!" Dwayne proclaimed happily as he ushered Stan towards the other four alumni. Doctor Brown was particularly pleased to see Stan. Though it could be just because he wants to cut Stan's chin off and add it to his collection of chins. During the meeting, Brown patted Stan's stomach as he said, "these interviews aren't something of a formality. We just want to get to know you better." However, the foolish Brown ended up patting Stan's gun which caused it to fire a bullet right at Dwayne's glass of homemade otter sauce. "Oh my God!" Dwayne cried at the very top of his lungs. Seeing that it was now or never, Stan got on his knee, and shot a bullet right at Bullock's head, but he failed to make the hit, and the bullet ended up hitting the doomsday machine which was indeed shaped like a soup maker. Stan closed his eyes braising for the impact of the explosion, but it never came. "What happened? I don't understand." Stan said as Duper then proceeded to burst out of a massive Easter egg themed smelly cake as he proclaimed, "April Fools Stanley!" "April... April Fools?" Stan asked dumbfounded.
Yes as it turns out; Bullock's plans to destroy the world and the payroll book was just one big farce. Turns out Dr Heinz was just an old friend of Bullocks, and the real reason he hadn't appeared at the company picnic was because he was attending to some business up at the baked bean factory in Benning. Stan then inquired about his promotion only for Bullock to reveal that Stan would be going to prison for trying to kill him. And so, Stan was shown getting thrown inside a prison cell. However, since the judge looking over the case Judge Paymesome had a thing for Stan's chin he allowed for Stan to escape justice if he spent two whole days in public stocks. Stan begged the crowd for water, but they responded by throwing a brick at his head. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve who were dressed as their alter egos Wheels and the Legman were spying on Bullocks as he made his way inside of Floyd Eagle San's wig shop which had finally made it's way towards Langley Falls.
Floyd Eagle San was once wrongfully accused of carrying a monster serum which could turns cute rabbits into purple demons. He was eventually released from the Feds' grasp, but he was forced to move to Langley Falls as a part of the deal he made with the Bureau. While in Langley Falls, Eagle San never learned his lesson and continues to insult bald people like Bullock for being bald. "You are bald and that is very bad." Floyd said as he started rubbing his chin all over Bullock's bald head. According to my sources, this scene caused a man in Trenton to chop his eyes off and mail them to the Lighthouse Bar in Santa Monica. Roger and Steve planned on exposing San for being involved in the drug trade, as Roger believed San to be deep into drugs, as do all those who truly believe. The episode then ended with no credits, but instead showed a SICK clip which featured Klaus running for President, and talking about he planned on turning everyone in the world into fish and chips. That is one sick fish!
I have to say I didn't really like this episode. In fact, I despised it. However, I was quickly pulled out from my thoughts as Freddy The Poochie Look A Like Dog appeared in the junkyard. We'll call him Freddy for short. "Is time to kill the senator?" Freddy asked as he played with a basketball. "Hmm........ yes!" The Boss yelled at the very top of his lungs as we all began running out of the junkyard towards the town square where the senator whose name was Fleet Mcbeet by the by. Oh buggering buggerton why didn't I mention this before. While running through the streets of Oakton, me and the boys ended up getting distracted by a cat, and we started chasing the fricking cat down until we were eventually caught in a net that was thrown over us by the local dog catcher. I think. Well at least I did think that briefly until he revealed himself to be a Oakton City Police Sergeant. Turns out my fears about Tramp had been justified. Tramp really was a police informant, and he had told the police all about our plans to assassinate Fleet Mcbeet. However, Tramp is or rather was stupid when making his deals with the police as he failed to take into account that the department was very corrupt. So, Tramp was taken to prison too.
Me and the rest of the Backstreet Dog Gang were put to work inside a dog pound just north of Strawberry. "This is not what I expected." The Boss whined as he started playing a game of tic tac toe with Freddy and Tramp. The Boss refused to believe that Tramp had in fact been an informer, but I know the truth. Our only hope of getting out was Butcher, but this ended up backfiring as Butcher was taken to the same pound after he was caught stealing sausages from Aldi's. Butcher shat all over the floor of the pound as he said, "I needed to take a dump and I couldn't..." I rudely cut him off by saying, "yes that's the way it was............. uh!" The owners of the pound were two evil Dobermans named Castor and Pollux who forced to lick and stick stickers onto cans of dog foods. "Talk out loud!" Castor yelled angrily as we were forced to light the lamps and not the rat as the papers claimed to have happened. Castor and Pollux were very mean as they forced me to scrub all the dishes in Hyrule. One day, I'll beat Castor and Pollux so badly they won't know who they are. Isn't that the dream to beat a Doberman who claims to have known your wife, but you owned the laundromats that did all the work didn't you? Well reader didn't you? Didn't you? Yes that's the way.... okay not this time!
I never deserved this harshness. To tell you the truth; I was planning on leaving the Backstreet Dog Gang soon anyway. I was planning on retiring and moving to Florida. My twin brother Elpin owns a crocodile park down there, and he offered to swing me some work there as his official spokesdog. Sadly, it was just not meant to be. It's very cramped here in the dog pound as the entire gang and I were ushered into the same cell. Even though the dog pound had at least 500 cells at it's disposal. Castor and Pollux did not desire to waste a cell on any of us and that makes me rather sad that does. According to Tramp and Butcher, there are holes underneath the floor of the pound which we could use to make our escape, but I don't know about that. I just don't know reader. I've got to get going reader as Castor and Pollux want me to mail some letters to Santa Clause. I just hope the Muppets won't be in the mail room if you catch my drift? Wink. Also, upon learning that we were arrested, Peck Fex bid his goodbye by saying, "2 Full Chin would have to hurry if he wanted to help those dogs!" He then let out one last final squawk as he left the dog pound never to be seen again. Last I heard, he was working for this dodo whose name you all know it starts with a C and ends with ah caster sugar! Sorry, I just noticed this dog pound has caster sugar in the mail room for some reason.
Also, you're probably wondering how I was able to write this down despite being supposedly being trapped in the dog pound well it's mainly due to a change in the silicon mass. Yep that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. We never should have chased that cat. We should have stuck to the agenda of killing that senator. I heard from a mouse with a severe nose injury that Fleet has sent a demolition team into the junkyard in order to convert it into an amusement park. He had bigger plans than trees that damn Fleet Mcbeet. One day, we will rise up against Fleet and his corrupt government, and get our junkyard back. That however is sadly a story for another day. Stay another stay another day. Ha ha. Farewell readers please send some fish and chips to the dog pound would ya? Maybe even a crust of bread. Give me some bread! Ooh yes I'd kill for that. A nice loaf of crusty crusted bread!
Originally on Geoshea's Lost Episodes Wiki
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