Touch the Butt
Prepare to meet your rear end bitch...
Touch the Butt prolouge: How I came to write this
Dear readers:
I will have you all know that one day I wrote a journal entry after I had a good dose of LSD. After sobering up, I realized that I created something so stupid that nobody would believe me, so I decided to post it here. Merry Hump Day everybody!
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Touch the Butt
It all began during the summer of 34, when I was just a little girl. I didn't suspect thaqt June 30th would fill my life with more needless violence, forced contrivances, redundancy, poor grammar, redundancy, and hyper-realism than I thought possibl.
See, when I was around ten, my mother would take me to this flea market once a month to buy a new nes game. SEe, since I got out from schol, my mother let me buy 2 games. Oddly enough, there were only three games available at that time, those being two copies of doctor dolittle the video game, and an ominous bright-pink cartridge with the words "Touch the Butt" written on it in hyper-realistic thick, black sharpie. I figured one copy of dr. dolittle was enough, and the game intrigued me. i piked it up, and looked at the back, and read the words: "666 made by satan in hell play it and die". I didn't quite understand the extremely vugue message on the bacjk, but this made me jusr a little skeptical of buying it, although, in the end, I bvought it, unaware of the hell that awaited me. AFter I came hom e, I put "Touch the Butt" into my nes. When I turned ity on, itr whent to the title screen. There was no music, and no background, juzt some hyper-realistsic comic sans reading: "Touch the Butt". I pressed start, and it took me to a select screen where a static voice said: 'Select your butt, Janice." Oh, did I mention my name is Janice? My name is Janice. There were a total of five asses to choose from.THis time though, muisc was playing. I selected the first butt, which appeared to be that of a grown woman in men's underwear. The words then appeared , 'Ready...Set...TOUCH!'. THere and then, ther appeared a cursor in the shape of a hand, and I had to touch the butt until this hyper-realistic red bar at the top filled up. I pressed 'a' to slap it until the red bar was filled. The wrods: "Level Clear!" then flashd on the screen, as it went back to the butt select screen. I then selected the next butt labeled: "Butt #2". This next one appeared to be the butt of a man wearing a straw hat over it. I rapidly pressed A to slap off the hat (this time indicated by a blue bar), after which I slapped the man's butt into submission. After slapping the third butt, a still image of an anthropomorfic plush butt mascot of sorts holding 2 yellow flags with the words: "Butt wait, there's more!". That was when I knew to eject the cartridge. And as I held it in my hands, I aloud, "That was fucking stupid" and I threw it to the side as it landed on the couch. After playing some final fantasy 3, I had dinner and went to bed shortly after. That night, I slept restlessly, having a horrible nightmare that the plushie butt mascot was leading me into a house. I thought it was just a regular house, but when he opened the door, it led straight into hell itself, as I was awaited with satan who threw me on the bed and started slapping my butt until hyper-realistic blood came out, and then he began doing me in the butt and saying "Thank you for playing touch the butt" as the plushie mascot (whose name I found out is Mr.Backside) was just watching... smiling devilishly. I woke up with a start, and with touch the butt right next to my bed. And this time, underneath the words touch the butt were the words 'Play Me'. Sinvce the game mysteriously appeared next to my bed and had words mysteriously written on it, and since it clearly gave me nightmares, I figured that the only logical conclusion to come to was to continue playing it. I put it back in my nes and turned it on, and was once again greeted by the title screen.To be continued...
