Triumphs of the Toppler, Vol 3: The Hyena's Gauntlet: Difference between revisions

One day, Thomas Simple received an odd sonic game. So, as a prank, he gave it to the Toppler (oh, we were laughing for days!), who was his next-door neighbour. Due to his stereotypical stupidity, the Toppler decided to play the game. One hour of blood and murder later, the Toppler turned off the game. Whilst it was very well made, the events had too much unnecessary gore, and the ending wasn't very good. He spun around on his chair, only to spot a bloody sonic plushie behind him. He quickly ate it so that his best friend, Dave the stuffed giraffe, wouldn't think that the Toppler was trying to replace him. Suddenly, Dave walked in as the plushie’splushie's legs were dangling out of the Toppler’sToppler's mouth. "Cursed game again?" asked Dave nonchalantly. This was not the first time the Toppler had encountered a plushie after playing a scary game.

"I’veI've heard of this JC-The-Hyena," said the Toppler, thoughtfully. "Didn’tDidn't he once try to subjugate the internet?"

"The same," replied the Sonic creature. "My name’sname's X," it continued for whatever reason.

"True, but I think we should get back to our dimension," replied Dave. As they stepped through a nearby portal, they heard odd, weeb-ish laughter, but gave no thought to it as they were whisked away. However, they found themselves not back at the Toppler’sToppler's house, but in a room full of men with suits holding guns, with a woman in a power suit and a white mask sitting in a large chair.

"I think she said, ‘My'My name is Big Jane Lebowski.’' It's a bit hard to tell with all the cigarettes in her mouth," replied Dave.

"Uh huh, sure," said Dave sarcastically. Suddenly, another portal opened nearby. The Toppler and Dave decided to head through it, since there didn't seem to be any other exits. They found themselves on a set of train tracks. Suddenly, they both heard an odd ‘teke'teke-teke’teke' sound behind them...

As the ‘Teke'Teke-Teke’Teke' sound grew closer, the Toppler recognised his surroundings. "This is where I fought that ghost-thingy when I went on holiday to Japan!" he cried.

"I needed to go somewhere where no-one would judge me for watching dragonball," replied the Toppler. Suddenly a large dog ran up to them…them... on its elbows. It was then the Toppler noticed its lack of legs.

"‘He'He didn’tdidn't create me. I'm native to this universe,’'" said Dave.

"Right, let's just get going," said the Toppler, clenching his fists. Seeming to understand the Toppler’sToppler's desire to do battle, the Tekegami leapt at him like Sheev. The Toppler kicked it on the gut, sending it flying upwards. It plummeted down, sprawling on the ground. The Toppler grabbed its arms and started spinning it around. Eventually, he chucked it into the air. It flew just above the atmosphere, before it started to fall. It had burnt up before it had even made it past the clouds upon re-entry.

As the stuffed giraffe got closer towards Dave and the Toppler, they noticed it was clutching a knife somehow, despite the fact it had no fingers. "I do admit," said Dave, "I’mI'm not exactly the most threatening person in the world."

"Are you sure?" asked the Toppler, nervously. "I mean, he is my current opponent and all, but he’she's also you. You’reYou're my best friend; I can’tcan't beat my best friend up!"

Dave sighed. It looked like he’dhe'd have to do this one alone. He walked up to the other Dave (let’slet's call him Davework, because why the hell not), and leapt at his clock-eyed doppelganger. They starting punching each other, but were equally matched given that both Dave and Davework were basically the same person. The Toppler, who was just standing there awkwardly, wasn’twasn't sure which of them he was cheering for. Eventually, Dave produced a lighter from who knows where and chucked it at Davework, who went up in flames.

"Shouldn’tShouldn't another portal have opened up?" said Dave, puzzledly. Suddenly, a tiny woman emerged from Davework’sDavework's burning remains.

"That’sThat's not intimidating in the slightest," said the Toppler as he walked up to Tiny Clockwork and stepped on her, killing her instantly.

"Curses! Well, you shall not survive your next opponent!" bellowed JC. "Or, should that be…be... opponents?"

"That’sThat's not intimidating or clever," muttered Dave, as a portal opened and the Toppler and Dave stepped through. They found themselves at a bus stop.

"Oi, mates," said the leader. "Looks like we’vewe've got some new meat."

"And if not," continued Keith, "we can always display why they call us ‘the'the Killers.’'"

The Toppler and Dave clapped as Randy, Keith, and Troy wrapped up their performance of ‘somebody'somebody told me.’'

"Errrr…Errrr... no," said the Toppler. "While it was a good performance, it wasn't exactly worth a couple of quid." Dave nodded in agreement, and smoked a pipe to make him look more intelligent.

"They were 3 clones of Jeff!" replied the Toppler. "It was the one way I could be sure that they’dthey'd die!"  

"Eh, fair point" said Dave, as another portal opened and they stepped through. They found themselves back in X’sX's hell dimension. This time, however, they found themselves in front of a throne constructed out of Anime DVDs. And on it sat JC-The-Hyena.

"I don’tdon't care!" yelled JC in his weeb-ish, not-very-intimidating voice. "You shall pay the price for thwarting me!"

"Sadly, I don’tdon't have my wallet on me," said the Toppler coolly. "Can I go home and get it?"

"Thou shalt remain in this place, ‘til'til thou dies! Thou shalt be defeated easily by mine robot suit!" bellowed JC, as a gigantic mech suit appeared behind him and he climbed in. It quickly powered up, and it charged at the Toppler, who’dwho'd just stood there with Dave as it powered up. Dave pulled out a tub of popcorn and began to eat it, despite the fact that he’she's a stuffed giraffe and has no mouth. Then again, how’show's he been talking all this time? Anyway, the mech suit started pounding away at the Toppler, but it did absolutely nothing because nobody grounds the Toppler into a fine powder! The Toppler leapt at JC’sJC's mech suit and ripped the weeb within out of it. He chucked him into a nearby pit of lava, because they’rethey're in hell, and after 10 seconds, he yanked JC out of it and jumped up and down on his burnt corpse. Afterwards, the Toppler pounded JC’sJC's face in so much that it became a disgusting mush. Or at least more disgusting than JC-The-Hyena usually was. Then, the Toppler sat on what was left of JC and stole some of Dave’sDave's popcorn. And after that, he-

"Alright, alright, he’she's dead!" cried Dave. "This, I think, is the literal definition of overkill!"

"Yeah, but it’sit's JC-The-Hyena," protested the Toppler.

5 minutes later, JC-The-Hyena’sHyena's corpse had been ground into a powder that was so fine, it was barely noticeable. "So, how do we get out?" asked the Toppler, walking away from the JC-dust.

"I think there’sthere's our way out," replied Dave, gesturing to a computer screen-shaped portal into what looked like the Toppler’sToppler's front room, where he had been playing Sonic.exe. Shrugging their shoulders, Dave and the Toppler stepped through the portal and landed back in the Toppler’sToppler's office. The screen showed a black screen with blood red text on it. (Jacob, Toby, and Matt took 3 shots each.) The text read, ‘Ready'Ready for Round 2?’' Before the Toppler and Dave could groan about sequel bait, they received a Skype call.