Trollpasta Survival Guide

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Author's note: Guide is WIP, so more info will be added later. If you need to know something that I didn't already cover, RIP you lol.

Have you ever lost your soul to some random man-child's Sonic OC or gotten beaten to death by the skeleton that pops out? If you're reading this, then that answer is no unless you became another popping skeleton or some shit. Anyways, this is the survival information that no one else teaches because they already got killed before being able to spread the word. Within this day and age, a single look at the news will show hundreds of incidents involving edgy teenagers, mentally challenged starfish, and more incomprehensible fuckery waiting to destroy the universe. Read all of this and you will end up as that kid who's mom is a Karen calling for all video games to be banned. That sucks, but it is way better than infinite torture at the hands of Shrek, so keep reading.

  1. Plot armor is MANDATORY. If you are not a main character, then you are already dead. You can get some by taking it from the corpses of previous main characters that didn't star in their sequel.
  2. Having an IQ above room temperature can really help. Progressing the plot is not your duty. If you see anything, you are still allowed to leave.
  3. Do not write down every thought you have until AFTER you enter safety. The vast majority of monsters will not wait as you take your sweet ass time typing about the monster being behind you.
  4. Buy your entertainment media legally. Make sure that it is also a new copy. Massive technology corporations actively avoid killing their customers because corpses cannot buy microtransactions. Modified secondhand games and bootlegs are far more susceptible to getting haunted or hacked.
  5. The more graphic and violent the normal game is, the less likely it is to kill you. Cuter games like Kirby and Sonic are preferred by demons and the undead.
  6. You cannot kill EVIL PATRIXXX. Don't even bother. You are not special and the laws of the universe will not bend to your will.
  7. If your game is haunted, unplug the fucking computer. Don't be like the rest of the dumbasses and continue playing it. Many spirits will disable the quit and x button. If the game is still on somehow, time to get a new PC.
  8. Do not bully children, they will kill you brutally as soon as they get a single sharp object. Go for people too weak to fight back against you, like police officers and elite swat teams.

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