Untitled Sesame Street Movie (2019)
I recently got fired from Sesame Workshop after working there for 5 years. You may not know me, but I worked behind the scenes on many Sesame Street episodes. Ever since I was a young child, I had always dreamed I would be working on Sesame Street. I always found the show to be pure, wholesome fun that never got dark. However, what I saw when I worked at Sesame Workshop those 5 years, I could never forget.
Not many people know this, but there is an untitled Sesame Street movie that has been in development since 2012. Well... that's what I would be saying if I wasn't told the truth when I still worked at Sesame Workshop. You see, the film was actually completed in 2018 and was slated for a 2019 release. However, the president of Sesame Workshop, Sherrie Westin pulled the plug on it because it was too dark. Most of the film's production took place before 2017, so I didn't see much of it. However, I was still pissed at her, mostly because I didn't know what I know now.
Following the cancellation of the movie, I went to Sherrie Westin's office to see what was going on. I asked her why she decided to pull the plug on the film. She yelled at me, saying that what I and the other workers created was an abomination and that it's not family-friendly material. I assured her that I had little to do with it and that I didn't see any dark or scary stuff in what I've seen. She then said "Oh, well don't tell anyone else about this, but I'm gonna show you the film. Believe me, it is just messed up."
She pulled up an .mp4 file of the movie on her computer and it started to play. The movie began with a celebration taking place all around Sesame Street; it was Bert and Ernie's wedding. There was music, dancing, and confetti as far as the eye can see. Credits and the movie's beta logo were shown as Elmo and Abby were talking to Bert and Ernie about their wedding. Elmo asked Ernie why it took so long for them to get married. Ernie replies "Well... we've been dating for 50 years, but we couldn't be married because our kind of marriage was illegal for so long, but now it's not illegal, so we're celebrating like crazy!" After Ernie said that, I paused the movie and angrily asked Sherrie if she cancelled the movie because it showed a gay couple; I almost yelled at her because not making 50 year-old characters gay is certainly a microaggression. She said that it had nothing to do with her decision, so I unpaused the movie.
After the credits went on for a bit longer, Elmo hears a faint panicked voice in the distance. He yells and gets everyone's attention, then says "it sounds like somebody's in trouble!" The partying gradually comes to a stop and Big Bird repeatedly screaming "heeeeelp!" is heard. They all follow the scream until they come across a playground in Central Park. Baby Bear then spots Big Bird stuck in a tube slide. Everyone starts thinking about how they can help Big Bird get unstuck. Gina tells Elmo and some kids to go down the slide and try to push Big Bird out while she and other characters try to pull him out from the other side. Gina's plan seems to be working and hopeful-sounding music is heard... until...
Big Bird's head is broken off.
Wires start falling out of his neck and Telly says in a worried tone "Uhh... Big Bird?" An awkward silence follows. Suddenly, two giant corks are placed by robotic arms to trap Elmo and many other characters in the slide. It is revealed to be Huxley from the Elmo in Grouchland movie, who does an evil laugh. Everyone in the tube slide starts panicking as Huxley picks up the playground with his machine and takes them to his lair. I remember Baby Bear screaming "Ah! I'm afraid of heights!" in a very scared-sounding voice. When they get to the lair, everyone starts to get hopeless.
Elmo starts crying and says to Gina "This is all your fault!" Gina then replies with "Hey! That's not very nice!" and Elmo says "Well if you didn't make us go in that tube slide, none of this would've happened!" This character interaction made me emotional because it was hard seeing some of my favorite characters not be kind to one another. Gordon interjects Elmo and says "Hey, if you didn't lead us to that Big Bird robot, Gina wouldn't have had the idea to do that!" "You're right!", Elmo tells Gordon as he starts crying even harder than before. "Ha ha ha! Look at yourself; you're feeling sorry for yourself because of what I did!", Huxley said. A ghost then appeared in the slide with them; it looked like Mr. Hooper. "Mr. Hooper, is that you?", Gina said. The ghost replied with "Yes, it's me, Mr. Hooper! Don't listen to that mean old Huxley! He's just trying to make you guys feel worthless! If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything! Now go stop that bully from ruining the wedding!"
Suddenly, everyone started feeling inspired. They bust through the corks and run towards Huxley. Elmo screams "Potty time powers... ACTIVATE!" and diarrheas all over Huxley's face. Then Cookie Monster throws a bunch of cookies in front of Huxley's giant robot and makes it trip. However, Huxley counterattacks by making the robot arms try to trap everyone in metal. Everyone started running away, but Grover didn't notice and he got encased in a metal mold of himself. Elmo ran towards Grover and screams "Grover! Nooooooooo!" He was almost encased in a metal mold too, but Gordon thankfully pulled him out of the way. Elmo couldn't bear to let Huxley do that to Grover, so he got everyone to band together and defeat him with the power of kindness.
Once Huxley became kind, everyone walked towards Grover covered in metal and began singing the friendship song in a big circle. By this point, he had already run out of oxygen. Huxley did the right thing and apologized for what he did, but Grover was still no more. The movie ended with everyone standing in that same circle in complete silence as a form of dedication to Grover.
"That's it!? That's how it ends!? Why did the power of kindness not work!?", I said to Sherrie. She responded by saying "Yeah, that's why I decided to cancel the movie. It gives children the idea that kindness doesn't work and it's just too scary!" And she's not wrong; after that movie was over, I was so scared that I was curled up in a ball trembling for almost an hour! Could you imagine if a 5 year-old watched this? That would be traumatizing!
Written by Poopbuttosaurus Rex
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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