Very Hungry Wiggler
I never expected for this to happen.
I was playing Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, like a normal fucking person, until I remembered "Oh hey!! There's a DLC!" I quickly purchased the DLC. After all, I stole my mom's credit card just to do it, even if she'd beat me harder than my dad whenever he was on alcohol. After installing the DLC, i reopened mario kart 8 deluxe, and saw all the playable characters. Birdo, Petey Piranha, Kamek, Pauline, Peachette, Diddy Kong, and Donkey Kong...but one character stood out to me. Wiggler. I loved Wiggler. I could never hurt Wiggler in any mario game. Wiggler was very special to me. I'd play wiggler in any mario game.
Seeing wiggler playable yet again made me shed tears of sheer joy. I quickly opened up the single player menu to play Wiggler in a VS Race, and I immediately selected him. I decided to pick the Wild Wiggler, as I thought it'd be fucking hilarious to see wiggler on wiggler, and then i chose the roller wheels and cloud glider. i looked through the DLC tracks, and i saw my favorite mario kart wii map. Maple Treeway. I screamed with joy, almost loud enough for my mom to beat the shit out of me. I quickly selected maple treeway, and started the race. I saw all of my competitors. Kamek, Petey Piranha, Baby Peach, Donkey Kong, Shy Guy, Yoshi, Wario, Daisy, Mario, Bowser, Isabelle, and Wiggler, which was me.
The race quickly started and I already blew up my kart, which pissed me off. As the race continued, i noticed i was doing a lot better than normal, until I got blueshelled. then redshelled. THEN I RAN INTO A BANANA. I was knocked all the way into fucking 8th, and i was pissed. After finishing up the race, i saw just how sad wiggler was. it hurt my heart to see wiggler so upset... i quickly decided to replay maple treeway, as i wanted to win. however, wiggler looked different. wiggler looked sad still. as the race started up, i noticed my controls were inverted. left was right, right was left, accelerate was instead break. I paused the game to change my controls, until I got a pop-up instead of the pause menu. "I'm so hungry..please let me eat..." the text said. my only options were cancel, or ok. I pressed ok, thinking that wiggler was hungry, and i would never deny wiggler anything. suddenly, the controls worked by themselves. When wiggler hit an item box, it gave him a piranha plant, but it was glitched out. It made sense to receive a piranha plant, as he was in 12th. when wiggler used the item, a pop-up appeared saying "thanks for the meal. im starving."
Next thing i knew, wiggler was behaving similar to a piranha plant, but more...violently. The Wiggler caught up to Baby Peach, as she was in 11th, and he suddenly lunged at her, pulling her out of her kart before eating her alive, tearing open her flesh and eating her organs, meanwhile screams could be heard. blood was left on Wiggler's kart. He immediately caught up to Kamek, biting Kamek's arm before violently ripping it off, causing Kamek to steer off the road and crash into a tree, blood splattering. I pressed X to see Wiggler's face, and he looked normal, but with blood coating his lips and cheeks. He just seemed happy to have 'food.'
Wiggler caught up to Isabelle next, and he swallowed her like a damn snake. I heard the sound of a loud, ugly crunch before wiggler threw isabelle's fucked up corpse infront of him, making petey piranha spin out of control like he hit a banana. Wiggler immediately grabbed Petey Piranha, dragging him across the road before ripping off his leaf hands with his mouth, chewing it like lettuce. i heard wiggler's adorable voice mentioning something about petey tasting like a good salad, before ripping open the living plant's neck. eating the insides. Petey Piranha was left behind as Wiggler went faster to his next victim, Wario. Wiggler bit Wario, before scowling and turning red in disgust. he picked up wario, and threw him onto the road, before running him over, snapping his neck. Wiggler kept eating and/or mutilating all of the competitors.
Wiggler caught up tp Shy Guy, and I genuinely thought that i'd get to see shy guy without his mask! Instead, Wiggler bit off his head and spat out the stupid mask.
Wiggler caught up to DK, and began strangling him with his tie, before ripping open his stomach, eating the organs left inside.
Wiggler bit and tore out Daisy's eyeballs like a fucking beast. Wiggler somehow tackled Bowser down below the tree on maple treeway, and bowser was impaled by a huge branch. Surprisingly, yoshi was spared, as Wiggler simply waved at yoshi before continuing.
It was only Wiggler and Mario now, and Wiggler caught up fast. Wiggler grabbed the plumber, before ripping his limbs off one by one. I could have swore I heard Wiggler say something off the lines of "No more stomping on me now." Wiggler then ripped out Mario's eyeballs, before finally eating his whole body, spitting out the bones before continuing on his drive. When the race ended, a pop-up appeared saying "Thanks for letting me eat!"
Then the game went back to normal. No blood, no hungry wiggler, nothing. However, whenever I'd play as Wiggler on Maple Treeway, I'd always see Wiggler look back at me before winking and turning around.
I guarantee this shithead ate others while I wasn't playing. Good for him.
If Wiggler is happy, I'm happy.
Written by Spoodsinthewii
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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