Volvic City

Do you have someone you really like? Someone you would do anything to thank, pay any price to help them out? If so, you may want to consider visiting Volvic City.

To get there, go to any decent sized grocery store and find the isle with water bottles and soda. Go into it, and close your eyes as tightly as you can. Whisper "Roar, whatcha doin' mr. Volcano?", and concentrate on the darkness. You've probably noticed that there are faint colors and abstract shapes you can make out if you try to focus your eyes when they're closed, watch those images go by. After a few minutes, the images should start to get clearer and brighter.

When this happens, they'll start taking on detailed forms, images of birds, deformed claymation trees, and similar things. No matter what you see, keep your eyes closed. You'll start to lose track of time, but eventually the images will stop, and you'll see pure, clear water. When you're certain that you see pure water, open your eyes.

You will now be in a strangely fake looking prehistoric jungle. Make your way through the jungle, and walk as quietly as you can as not to disturb and claymation animals that may be sleeping, it's rude to do that you know.

If you hear any movement, STOP, as quickly as you can, and look towards the noise. There are Catgirls in Volvic City. It's bright enough that you can make out the slightest detail, they will be the cutest things you've ever seen and they give cookies to any humans they can find. How adorable! Keep moving until you reach the area where George The Volcano lives, you can't miss him.

Tyrannosaurus Alan will approach you.

He will ask "George, you still filling your water with Volcanicity?"

Say yes, Alan will take half of your Volcanicity. It will be embarrassing, but it'll be totally worth it. Alan will then talk about eating someone's parents and leave. Look up, and George will now be looking down at you and after a few seconds he will speak.

"Busy day Alan?"

Speak the name of the person you appreciate, and as soon as you say their name, they will be given a fruit twist with their water, the best fruit twist they've ever tasted.

"Try some!" George will say. If you're satisfied, George will give a bottle of Volvic mineral water, drink it and then say "Come on world, I'll have you for breakfast!" You will awaken in the store. If not, say no, and George will fall asleep. Wait for a little bit, maybe give a warm hello to one of the passing Catgirls. Tyrannosaurus Alan will come back.

"George, you still filling your water with Volcanicity?"

Say yes, and Alan will take the rest of your Volcanicity, leaving you feeling even more embarrassed. Look up again, George will have woken up.

"How do you do it Alan, do you perhaps drink new hydrating Volvic Revive?"

Say the name of the one you appreciate, and they will be the daddy now (note this still applies if they are female). You will not be asked if you are satisfied this time, and you will not be able to return to the store. I told you to make sure you really liked someone before doing this, you will spend the rest of your life in the jungle, hydrated, with only your Ginseng and Guarana to keep you alert. Oh and George, Alan, and all of the extremely cute Catgirls are still there too, don't forget about them!

For most people, that is more than enough and they find that Volvic City is a paradise.

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