Why I Don't Listen To Caretaker Anymore
Caretaker fan projects was a community I used to be in, the general gist of it is people make a musical project inspired by The Caretaker, incase you don't know him he made a bunch of songs that sample old music, the biggest project of his being EATEOT, a 6 and a half hour long project based off of dementia, which is what most of these fan projects are based off of. Very novel and original idea and so are all the fan projects, trust me bro. When I listened to selected memories from the haunted ballroom, I got to the noise track called September 1939. But... when I hit play... the ballroom ghosts on the album cover began to become HYPER REALISTIC AND BLOODY!AND SCARRY and started PISSING BLOOD EVERYWHERE WITH RED PISS!!! AND I WAS TELEPORTED TO THE YEAR 1939 IN SEPTEMBER.... BUT IT WAS ANTARCTICA!!!! I WAS STUCK IN the anthrax pileI!!!! I looked around my surroundings and saw a single CD... it was the SELECTED MEMORIES!!!! I listened to the CD but instead of music, It was a message that said "hello sir, you must WIN MY GAME to escape my lair!!" I saw LEYLAND KIRBY high up in the sky!!! HE WAS THE KING OF ANTARTICA???!!!! And his first game.... It was a ballroom chess......... I controlled the ghosts and he controlled the bandleaders... The king on his side was paul whiteman and my king was Jack from the shining....... It was a long and hard game but eventually... I won.... I knocked over Paul and said "CHECK MATE!!!" and Kirby conceded defeat... "very well friend but you must beat the other 5 of my games!!!" and he put me in a GIANT CONNECT 4!!!! I cofntrolled the red pieces and he the yellows! The yellow connect fours were hard.... I had to move them with my weary fingers... but eventually I WOn!!!! Kirby looked at me in surprise and said "buddy.... You gotta win 2 MORE GAMES NOW!" i was absolutely shocked and appalled. Why would i need to do more games for his own benefit?! I then saw what he had placed beside me.... It was.... You wont believe this... the first GARTEN OF BANBAN GAME BURNT ONTO A CD!!!! "WHAAT???" I said out loud!! I thought Kirby HATED mascot horror!!! But I was WRONG...... Much like the hit song WAS IT WRONG FROM 1931!!!!!!!! I asked myself "wait this is 1969? ARE WE TIME TRAVEL????" I had to speedrun banban before kirby killed me.... IT WAS LONG AND HARD AND WET AND HOT AND MARIO AND [REDACTED] BUT EVENTUALLY I BEAT IT!!! AND KIRBY LOST!!!!!!! I said to him "you aint good at these games!" BUT THAT WAS A BAD IDEA. JIRBY WAS ENRAGED. HIS EYES BECAME BLOODSHOT AND HIS TEETH CROOKED. HE LOOKED DOWN AT ME AND SAID "YOU ARE NOT A CARETAKER. YOU ARE... A UNCANNY BALLROOM GHOST!!!" and I was in A BALLROOM!!!!!! Kirby said my last game... was to KILL EVERYONE WITH HAMMERS and make them GHOSTS.... To fill the ballroom prophecy...... I reluctantly agreed and murdered my entire family with no struggle or resistance with a giant axe. The police caught me and I got in prison... but Kirby said "YOU BEATED ALL MY GAIMS!!" and teleproted me BACK TO THE PRESENT DAY!! I LIVED!!! And so thats why... i dont listen to caretaker fan projects anymore.....
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