Why You Should Never Play Super Mario Sunshine While High on Crack Cocaine: Difference between revisions
Why You Should Never Play Super Mario Sunshine While High on Crack Cocaine (view source)
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Super Mario Sunshine 666!
The story begins on a happy day. You can see the sun; it's warm embrace comforts you. The sun can also see you, especially when you don't want it to.
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Prepare your anus, it begins.
I was sitting on the couch, playing
I brought the
The cinematic with Mario, Peach, and Toadsworth on the plane started. It made the noise when you press start, and the cinematic stopped. It showed me a picture of Reggie. It asked "Is your body Reggie?" There were two options: Yes, or No. I paused a quick moment to screenshot Reggie's face, and examine. Blood was dripping from his eyes and he had 666 written on his head. It looked like someone drew it in MS Paint, but it was really scary and real. Before I write what I answered, I would supply said photo of Reggie, but
I answered Yes. The cutscene started, but it crashed straight into the ocean. I was shocked! Mario emerged from the wreck, and what played next was the Islanders welcoming them. "Welcome to Isle Delphino!" They said AS USUAL. IN CAPS LOCK... VERBAL CAPS LOCK. I took control of Mario and swam to shore. Peach and Toadsworth were not there, probably because they died or some shit like that. The ocean was red. LIKE BLOOD. The first miniboss was totally missing. I ran to where Fludd should be. But Mess Mario was standing there. He was red, not like blood, but LIKE SATAN COLOR. He attacked Mario, and a boss fight started. Every 10 seconds, Mess/Satan Mario would kill and eat an Islander, if not stopped by Mario. Mario, who had to jump on his back, would then grab a nearby sledgehammer and beat his head in. I repeated the process three times, and Satan Mario was defeated.
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He fidgeted for a long while, and often groaned. After all, he was confined in a straight jacket. He then quietly mumbled "More mushrooms, please..." This was a shocking twist. The Mario you'd grown to love? An addict. The camera zoomed out and showed a newspaper clipping on a telephone pole. "Mario Mario kills several innocents in Italy block. Famed Plumber was brought before court in 2006, and due to his poor health and drug addiction he was sentenced permanently to a mental hospital.
Witnesses say the short dark figure was in a van and picking up several adults as well as children, against their will. A man who approached the reporter told us about how he rushed to the van to try to stop a child from being abducted at gunpoint, but he was too late. None of the people who went missing in 06 have been found, but several bodies have been found recently in an abandoned mansion not far from the site of the abductions.
That was a long, dark read for a Mario game. And I was scared. Fear was all over my body. It showed Mario in the mental hospital again. He said sadly "I swear, it wasn't me, it was the evil shadow!" to no one. He looked forlorn, like he had given up on life. It went away from him, and big bold black text appeared on the screen: "You said you were Reggie. The truth came." I told myself it was over now, and took the
It was a very happy day.
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