Windows 98 Third Edition: Episode 1: Rising Revengeance Part Two: The Cha-Cha Slide
I didn't really know where I was going with this story, so I decided to post it here because why the fuck not.
One day, when I was surfing the internet to look for old ISOs of operating systems, I stumbled across a website that was hosting various classic OSes, ranging from Windows, to Mac OSX, to the various distros of Linux, and even some of the weirder, more obscure stuff like OS/2 and BeOS.
As I searched through the Windows category, one link caught my attention. There it was, a lone, descriptionless link leading to "Windows 98: Third Edition". Clearly, this had to be some weird hacked version, much like Windows 7 Genius Edition, Windows XP Gold, etc.
While I normally don't download these weird modded versions that people like to circulate around the web, the name was so generic and it seemed like it would be pretty amusing to see what could constitute for a "Third Edition" of Windows 98. I was expecting it to simply be an ISO crammed with cracked software, and maybe Plus! as well.
The link sent me to a MediaFire page, which I will NOT be posting for your own sanity, to the ISO. It was 999 MBs, certainly larger than normal, but nothing too intimidating for my 2TB hard drive. It was probably just a bunch of cracked software, and some games and stuff, or at least I thought.
As the ISO finished downloading, I recieved a call on my phone from a number I didn't recognize. I picked it up and greeted the mystery caller on the other end.
"Hello. Who is this?"
"We would like to congratulate you for downloading Windows 98: Third Edition! With it, you will experience the classic OS in a way that nobody has before!" A man replied on the other end.
"Who are you, and how the hell did you get my number?"
"Make sure to run it on a real computer, or else you may face unforseen consequences! Good luck, and have a nice day."
The caller hung it. I tried calling him back, but to no avail. I tried tracing the number on Google, but no results came up. But the part that concerned me the most was his mentioning of "unforseen consequences" if I were to run it on a virtual machine. Clearly, if this man could trace my number right after downloading what I assume is his own version of Windows, then I'm probably best off listening to him, or else I'll probably be eaten by demons or something.
So, I burned the ISO to a disc and pulled out my old Gateway PC. Memories came flooding back as I heard the loud-ass fan kick in and I saw the classic logo with the... spotted... cube... thing appear on the screen. (You know, I never really understood what Gateway's logo was supposed to be, but that's besides the point.)
I popped the disc in and was greeted by the usual Windows 98 setup screen. I proceeded to preform the usual setup proceedures and nothing seemed to be off. I wasn't particuarly concerned about losing any data, as I had backed up most of it on a CD a few years prior. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, and soon enough I was sitting at the login screen.
Then, my phone started ringing again. It was the same number as before.
"Congratulations on your successful installtion of WINDOWS 98: THIRD EDITION! Now, if you would like to get the best out of your new operating system, follow these instructions..." He paused for a moment.
"I'm listening."
"First, log in to your newly made account. 'EthanCoolDude92', was it?"
"How the hell do you know my username? In fact, how the hell do you know what I'm even doing right now?" I replied in a stern tone.
"Second, click on the icon on your desktop labelled 'SatCon' to install all of the latest update packages for Windows 98: Third Edition. Internet connection not required!" He continued to list off many instructions I had no intention of doing just yet. He kept a calm demeanour throughout, completely ignoring my demands.
"Seriously, who the hell are you?"
"... And have a nice day. Enjoy your new operating system!" He said, before suddenly hanging up. A feeling of uneasiness came over me. It was like I was in a really bad Goosebumps novel. I was getting calls from a man I didn't know, telling me about something he shouldn't have known about. I was both scared and confused, but also very curious as to see what mysteries lay within this strange operating system.
I logged in, and was greeted by the familiar sound of the Windows 98 startup tune, and shortly after, the desktop finally appeared. It was cluttered with various icons, some familiar to me, such as Napster and Chips Challenge, and others, not so much. My suspicions were correct, it WAS just a giant heap of random programs, but after the strange calls from the mysterious man, I couldn't have cared less at that point.
I moved the cursor to the "SatCon" icon, as the man said, and double clicked it. A giant black box with red text reading "SATCON" appeared at the center of the screen in a very generic and hilariously cheesy font. It was straight out of the 90s, and had me fooled that it was an actual program.
A window with white text in the System font emerged and asked "OK to run? (Y/N)" I pressed yes. A little horizontal bar appeared at the bottom and slowly began to fill up. There was no indication of what the program was actually doing, but I waited patiently for it to finish loading. After about 5 minutes, the program finished doing it's thing. The window closed, and nothing else seemed to happen. I went to press the start menu, but then it suddenly bluescreened. But not with the usual 98 bluescreen, but something more akin to the one from XP/Vista/7. The screen went black, and it returned to the Gateway BIOS.
And then, out of nowhere, Satan himself emerged from the screen and ate me.
THE END
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