Worst Thing on the Internet
Hello, /b/. Today, I have something to tell you that you may find interesting.
I have found...the worst thing on the internet.
No, it isn't /b/. No, it isn't meatspin or any of those other sites. It's worse. Worse than BME Pain Olympics. Worse than 2g1c. Worse than the pain series on ED. Worse than anything you've ever seen.
You may be wondering, what could facilitate such hype? What could be so bad that it's worth mentioning on /b/?
I'm afraid you don't understand. It is...not of this world. I cannot imagine what would posses anyone to create such an...abomination. They say that a picture's worth a thousand words. Does this mean that more than a thousand words would be worse than a single picture? You've guessed correctly. IT IS A FANFIC. EVERY SHOCK SITE AND FUCKED UP VIDEO HAS BEEN EFFORTLESSLY BESTED BY A FANFIC.
Well, I suppose now you're wondering just what the hell I'm talking about. Well...
...Candlejack.
Heheheh...Hahahaha...AHAHAHAHAH!
Sorry, but it looks like your luck has run out. Candlejack is coming to take away the only way to know what the worst thing on the internet is. But you may be wondering...why hasn't he gotten me yet? How am I still typing? Well...
The rain pounded against the window, giving sound to the otherwise silent midnight. I stared blankly at my monitor, preparing to do what needed to be done. I swallowed any traces of fear or doubt I had left, and uttered the forbidden word...
"...Candlejack."
It wasn't long before a faint howling could be heard, followed by a black mist forming in the middle of my bedroom. From the mist emerged the demon himself...Candlejack. He reached for me, but I knew what to do already. I picked up my lapdesk and smashed him across the face. After being bashed, he was quick to recover. Forced meme that he was, amirite? Regardless, I had a chance to get his attention.
"Hey, we need to talk."
"You dare speak to me? After speaking my forbidden name?"
"Calm down, I can make it worth your while."
"Hmm...interesting. Of what do you speak, mortal?"
"I want to make a deal. I want you to not take me away...yet. Tomorrow night, at this time, I will post a message on 4chan. It will detail our encounter, as well as another message that I wish to convey to the internets. Of course, it will include mention of your name. When I say the word "goodbye", you may do what you will."
"I see. But what do you plan to offer in return?"
"Before I post the aforementioned message, I will post one that seems to be like any other message, though it will be cut off in a manner similar to, well, you know. At this point, everyone who reads the post will inadvertently say your name, referring to what must have happened. You'll get many prisoners, and all you have to do is take me at a certain time. Do we have a deal?"
The sinister figure gave a horrible grin, highlighted by the dim light of the desk lamp.
Well, /b/, now you know. If you want to find the worst thing on the internet, you'll have to find it on your own. So why'd I do it?
I did it so that there may always be hope for something more.
I did it for the ideal that we've never seen what the internets truly has to offer.
I did it...for the lulz.
Well, /b/...
Goodb
Originally uploaded in 2010
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