Zelda lost game
So you guys know Legend of Zelda, right? It's a medieval fantasy Action-Adventure RPG, in which you play as the titular main character, Zelda himself. Zelda is an elf, who wears typical elf clothes. He also has the master sword. Well enough about Zelda, lets get into the game.
As I was playing my Nintendo Gamecube back in the day, I got bored of beating the everloving shit out of the AI in Smash Melee, so I decided to take a trip up to the local swap meet to see if I could score some good prices on GC games. One game caught my attention, Immediately. It was simply titled: "Zelda: Ocarina of Suicide". Was this an unreleased game? The name unnerved me... suicide? "I hope Zelda doesn't kill himself. He's the coolest hero ever." I thought. Out of nowhere, however, a creepy old man with stains of old urine and other bodily fluids on his clothes approached me. He got uncomfortably close, and this was extremely unnerving since I was just a young boy at the time. He placed his hands on my shoulders and started giving me a massage.
"Sir?... W-What are you..."
He hushed me.
"The game yer starin' at... it's free of charge. Take it... and get the hell out..."
His grip on my shoulders tightened to the point of pain, and his release threw me back a bit. I took the game and ran home in tears.
When I returned home, I told my parents about the man. They called the police, and what the police told my parents still continues to haunt me to this day.
"We've just arrived at the location your son mentioned... there is nothing here. No swap meet, no people, just barren fields. You might want to give your boy a drug test."
This was impossible. The swap meet had always been there! ...Hadn't it? I went upstairs and decided to just play my new Zelda game. As the screen booted up, I noticed the system's title screen and font had changed. "Nintendo SATANCUBE" was in bold letters. As a devout christian boy, with christian views, I almost shit my pants right there. Satan...? Satan is the devil if you didn't know. He's the most evil being in existence. I thought I was hallucinating and grabbed my bible. "Jesus will protect me". I said to myself, smiling in hope.
Jesus didn't protect me.
The game jumped right to koki forest or something, I don't remember the name. But it skipped the menus and all that. The profile was named "Demonboi666". I clutched that bible tight. Zelda was greeted by his fairy, and walked outside to see his elf friend Saria. Strangely, Zelda walked right past her. She ran away crying, saying she "loved him". I was shocked. This was not supposed to happen. I lost control of Zelda. Out of nowhere, he pulled out a FUCKING FLAMETHROWER, and ran to the Great Deku Tree. He set that son of a bitch on fire, and I couldn't do a damn thing. Mido tried to stop Zelda, but Zelda burnt poor Mido to a charred crisp.
Zelda ran towards Hyrule castle as I watched in horror.
Saria ran to him, as I begged for her to leave. Zelda, with a grin, picked her up and THREW HER off of the fucking bridge.
The camera panned down to her mangled corpse. It was hyper-realistic, with tears and blood staining her face. Her head had splattered on the ground below, with bits of her brain seeping out of her cracked skull. Bones were sticking out of her flesh, and she lay in a pool of blood.
I immediately took the disc out, and smashed the fucking thing into pieces. I threw my useless bible to the floor. Flying into a fit of rage, I ripped my gamecube from the plugs and launched that fucker out the window.
I grabbed a baseball bat and smashed the holy fuck out of my bedroom. Destroying everything I could, I moved onto the rest of the house. I went berserk in the hallways, smashing and blowing holes in the walls, throwing the family photos to the ground, etc. I went into the bathroom and repeatedly battered my face into the mirror, until it shattered into many glass shards.
"FUCKING DESTROY! FUCKING KILLL!!!!!" I screamed.
My little sister, screaming and hiding in her room, begged me to stop. I chuckled, and knocked the bitch out cold. But I wasn't done.
I smashed the shit out of the rest of the house. To this day I resided inside a mental institution. But I was released yesterday.
Moral is, never play a creepy Zelda game.
I have the urge to destroy some shit right now... I'll be back in a bit.
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