'The Dark Side of the Moon' Chronicles, Part 1

I was taking a walk when, suddenly, it was dark. I was confused since it was only midnight. How could there be dark at midnight? I realized that the Illuminati must have been behind this, so I went and confronted them. I forgot to mention that I'm part of the official Illuminati. I joined last week and all meetings are held in our leader's basement. After asking his 60-year-old mom if we could stay up until 7:30, we went down, said our prayers to Satan, and sacrificed some random man in Satan's name. After ritualistically drinking the man's blood out of a spiritual rusty bucket, our meeting began. I told them about my observation and they were genuinely surprised. They said they had nothing to do with it and then told me that it was likely the thugs from the rival neighborhood. We knew we had to eliminate them to prevent the night being dark ever again, so we all got guns and went out. When we got there, we broke down every door and massacred every single person and pet in every house. When we ran out of ammo, we used kitchen knives. Whenever we emptied a house of life, we burned it down just to be sure. We spared one man's life to interrogate him about this.

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