A Spook About Nothing

i lay in bed at nite and the blankets are cold and i feel like sumbody is behind me but i am too scared to turn around in my bed and look becasue i am scared tbh.

and i finaly get the guts to turn around and look. i see nothing but i see a towel on the floor that could be a dead body but honestly? its not.

so i am rlly firsty so i go downstairs to get a drink. i carefuly go downstairs one creaky step at a time (i dont live in spooky haunted house just have creaky floor and stuff tbh)

i am now dosnstairs. i sudddenyly feel a FREEZE come over me. i feel cold. and then i hear a slapbass coming from the kitchen. i slowly walk to kitchen and open door, ready to fite whatever in there.

and there is kramder from sienfeld geting food out of my frige. "hey buddy why dont you have dijon mustard i cant make a sanwih without dijon muatd" and im like "holy fuk" and bitch you aint never seen a honkie run faster than i as i get out of the kitchen and try to go up the stairs but gerge costanze at the top of the stairs and look at me dead in the eye and say "you like them wedding invitations, BABY??!!!" and then a flurry of wedding invitations come and wipe themselves on my tounge. i am super spooked becase i know this is how george killed his fiance susan in sienfeld and now he want to kill me!!!!

i try and get out of my house but i cant becase i open the door and nemin standing there. I shout "hello newmen" becase it is the first thing i think to say and then slam the door and try to run baxk upstairs but gerege still there like "HOHO YOU GONNA DIE, BABY!!!" and i am between a rock and a hard place.

i face my fear of cheap wedding invitations and dash up the stairs and past george who just vanish like a ghost becase he is a ghost. i go check in my toilet and elane sitting on the toilet and say "can you spare a sqaure" and i genuinely piss my pants and shut the door and run down the hallway. i go into my room once again and close the door shut and lock it. i can hear banging on the door like foxy does in five nites at freddys 1 when he leacves pirate cove.

my phone start ringing and i pick it up. a voice shout "JERRY, HELLO!!!!" and I say "uncle leo?!" in confusion. I throw the phone down and open my window. I get ready to jump out but finally jerry sienfeld appear and stare me in the eye. I step backwards into my room and he follow me.

"whats the deal... with you?" he says with a deadpan expression. Sudenly my door berst open and kramner slide through the door and he say "jary! there you are!".

i am traped. jery get microphone out of nowhere and speak into it: "have you ever noticed that people die quickly" and then my life, as well as every episode of sienfeld, flash before my eyes.

and then they all vanish. my house silent. everbody gone. i am so scared. beyond spooked i am just so fuckin broken.

and then i see under my bed.

seinfeld boxset. dirty and dusty. neglected. i instantly pick it up and polish it off.

respect seinfeld or you may be a corpse in a car getting coffee, on the way to a coffee shop in the afterlife in a car jery sienfeld chose for you becase he felt it represent you.

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Originally uploaded on December 14, 2014

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