Adventures With Gunga Volume Two
February 22nd 1979
Gunga looked me down with a scary face that'll make yo grandma poo and pee herself simultaneously 5 times. He Curled down and leaped towards me and attacked the last mushroom man that was standing behind me about to kill me. I was so happy that my diggity dog saved me twice in one day that I had no choice but to sail my boat down to the first Midwest bank center and break into my exes bank account and steal all her monies. With dem monies I bought gunga a Petco™ it's where the pets go!
February 23rd 1979
I am broke and need some monies super plank of death aka super toilet of death is one of the last remaining survivors of my seamen crew that's why I'm gonna turn him into a Litterbox. But first I gotta find a job so I can hire new seamen and sail the seven seas to find Jack the Ale guzzler then he can lead me to One Eyed Willy... I totally forgot I now own my very own Petco then gunga says (what makes it think it's yours Ben?) and instantly fires me. Now I gotta find another job that's suited for a pirate... I'm gonna be a home security installer upper person. I tried to become that but I have to join a college to do that so I broke into a persons home and stole his college degree and now I am a home security installer upper person. It's a fun job because the people have no idea that I'm the one invading their homes. My first home that I had to install was in the 4 seasons that I destroyed and those people are probably still looking for me, so I need to get a disguise. Hannibal Lecter will do it. As soon as I passed the gate all the people that looked at me started to run into their homes and call the police so I paddled my land boat as fast as I can towards the house I have to put home security on. When I got there I didn't see any of the people there so I decided to toss a grenade down their chimney and break in. I honestly had no idea what I was doing and didn't know what a home security was so I just started to draw on the walls with crayons to make it look like I installed it. After when I was done I opened there refrigerator and ate all their food and tossed it into my land boat... But I wasn't satisfied, I needed more! I rushed to the master bedroom and took all the fancy jewelry that was there. There was so much that I had to put all of them on me and around my neck and tossed the bag around my shoulders and headed down stairs. When I got downstairs I seen that the owners to this house just walked in. It was Kanye West and Kim Kardashian! I should of known this was there house! Only they will be stupid enough to buy The Great Illinois Corn Flake which costs 200$ Per flake. They screamed that their home security never worked and since I looked like Hannibal Lecter and I was stealing their jewelry they grabbed their AK74U and started to shoot at me. all their bullets did was break down the walls and help me escape faster. I hopped in my land boat and headed towards the gates then water started to flood the whole streets 10 foot high.and out of know where a gay fish suddenly appeared on the side of my boat and he was sticking his tongue and me.. It was Kanye! I screamed on the top of my lungs and paddled as fast as I could but that gay fish was right behind me! He hopped on my land boat and was about to kiss me and turn me into a gay fish then he looked to the sea and spotted a beautiful Will the Seamen Eater and grabbed on to him and they made love forever. So with all that done I headed towards the gates and to my surprise I seen a shit load of cops surrounding the place and they shot my land boat then I drowned in the water. When I woke up I was in the back of a police boat and handcuffed to the anchor. Looks like it's prison for me. When I got there they shaved all my hair and when I say " hair " I mean all my hair if you know what I mean. They then tossed me behind the bars and what I saw made me one happy cap'n. It was Steve Urkel!
February 24th 1979
Urkel told me a brief history on what gunga did to get him into jail. He blown up Russia, shot a hotel down and destroyed computer city™ He said that gunga is a evil dog and when he was in prison with me he did horrible things to me.... He pooped on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and had diarrhea in my green eggs in ham. Did I mention the ham was green too? Or that could just be green because there was a lot of poo in there. I laughed out load and said to myself ( good dog gunga ) and Urkel told me some good news that him and a few pirate buddies that are in here are planning an escape from this prison, you'll meet the seamen sooner or later.
I was playing ping pong with this WWE person named The Great Khali. He's this big fat 7'1" giant.
Anyway I was destroying him in ping pong and I seen that his face was turning red. Soon as I saw that I bursted towards my cell to lock myself in it. And I successfully did that and. But as soon as I turned around my balls shrunk. The Great Khali was standing right in front of me and straightened his fingers into a knife hand and rose it up into the air 12 feet high and slammed it down onto my head which immediately gave me brain damage and I needed medical attention. After that incident we had to hit the showers. It all started out fine until The Great Khali walked in and I heard this scary coconut music that usually plays when he enters the ring in WWE. All the people sprinted out of there besides me and I regretted it. The Great Khali walked up to me and grabbed the soap that was by me and purposely dropped it on the ground and told me to bendover and grab it for him, and I said "hey that's my name ben Dover" then he said "shut up and grab the soap!" In a creepy Irish Iranian voice. I had no choice and I had to grab the soap. I bent down to get it and I seen his shadow hover over me and I was seconds away from not being able to walk for life and then.. Urkel bursts out the door and says "stop Khali! That's our cap'n" and Khali grunted and said "come on! I was almost finished" after that urkel took me to lunch and introduced me to our brand spankin new seamen. The first one is named The Great Khali. We don't have to tell his background story because you already met him in the last scene. The 2nd seamen is named Cap'n knuckles and flapjack. We added those two as one because flapjack is always at knuckles side. There story is that they were swallowed and token Hostage by a whale named bubby and they had no choice but to eat a crap load of peas, Lima beans, and soy beans then pooped fearlessly into bubbys mouth which instantly caused death to her and since we all know killing whales are against the law knuckles and flapjack got sent to prison immediately. The next seamen is named 1st lieutenant Jiggily Puff. After years of him having to deal with cap'n falcons fiery nipple touch Jiggily puff finally got his revenge. One day when cap'n falcon would go to his daily massage parlor Jiggily puff followed him and with quick reaction he knocked out the manager and put his clothes on and was gonna give cap'n falcon a massage that he'll never forget, he gave him the Jiggily massage of death!! He first starts off by standing on cap'n falcons back and then he starts to roll in the same spot and it gets faster and faster then Jiggily puff lost control and started to bounce around the whole room like a rubber ball. He kept bouncing and bouncing until he landed on cap'n falcons head and broke his neck. Then Jiggily puff went to prison for impersonating a massage person. The 4th guys name is ganondorf the Great. He got put in prison for accidentally nipple touching young link and mistaking him for older link. The 5th and final guy is named Roy Wrinkleton. He's a plastic surgeon that messed up on Michael Jacksons skin which turned him white then he got sued and put in prison right after that then Michael got in a relationship with Roy's Ex husband Marth Wrinkleton. Well this day has gone long enough. Let's skip ahead to the next day.
February 25th 1979
I'm happy that I have my new seamen crew and we're planing to have a prison breakout tomorrow morning. And incase your wondering how I'm blogging this from prison and that's an easy awnser. I am not, you see I'm sending letters to gunga and saying what's going on and he's blogging it from his petco™ Computer. We got a new cell mate today. It's super plank of death! Aka super toilet of death aka super litterbox of death. Turns out gunga called the cops on him because he was allowing other animals to use him when only gunga can do his business in him. No less then 2 seconds I was in that litter box taking a humongous poo in him that I was crying when I was done. But it's nice seeing my buddie again. After that the guards made us have to workout at the prison gym. I was lifting my big huge 2 1/2 pound weights and I felt the burn! No really I felt a burning in my left hand because I had it on the stove. I cried for a few hours and then decided to talk with my new seamen buddie cap'n knuckles. I told him that he can't be a cap'n because I'm a cap'n and flapjack then ran up to me and bit off my left buttock. He said "only cap'n knuckles can be a cap'n you prostitute cow!" I was so offended that I told The Great Khali what that spoiled little kid said to me and he then walked up to flapjack and took him into a closet. A few seconds passed and I heard flapjack scream on the top of his lungs. When they walked out flap jack's back was nearly broke and he could barely walk. I don't know what Khali did to him, but I don't want to find out. Once that was all finish it turned out that flapjack's spine is broke and he is now paralyzed and they took all his bones out of his body which turned him into a little blob. They were then gonna put him down but then knuckles said "wait! I need that little boy." They then thought of an idea. They melted flapjack on cap'n knuckles neck. After that I asked cap'n knuckles if he can change the "cap'n" part out of his name then flapjack started to spit at me and call me names then I pointed to The Great Khali and flapjack said "looks like your name is now knuckles, but you'll always be my cap'n."
It's now getting late and were gonna get ready for the breakout tomorrow.
February 26th 1979
Turns out gunga tweeted out and contacted the prison authorities about our planned breakout today. We all were sent to the electric chair immediately. They had us strapped down and put a sponge on our heads then as they were about to lift the switch up a giant Will The Seamen Eater accidentally stuck his head up and threw the ground, killing all the guards and immediately was bawling his eyes out and was saying "sorry" but attached to him scared the living dead out of me. It was the gay fish Kanye West! He jumped off of Will and flopped his way towards me to give me a kiss. Then with quick reaction Super Plank Of Death aka Super Toilet Of Death aka Super Litterbox Of Death tossed his litter onto Kanye and like putting salt on a slug Kanye started to foam liquid out of his body and evaporated. Then The Great Khali flexed his biceps and broke loose and then grabbed the guards knife then cut us all loose after that we leaped into the ocean and road Will The Seamen Eater to shore. we then took a walk around to find somewhere to eat and we found Gunga's petco! Once I seen that we then barged in. I want to give gunga a piece of my mind! The manager took only me to Gunga's office. I found gunga sitting in his petco™ chair and in a black suit. He turned around and offered me a deal he said "Ben, I'm gonna offer you a deal... I know that you are looking for one Eyed Willy and need a ship to find him so I'll help you on that. I'll give you my petco™ Ship but only on one condition. You must pass out petco™ Fliers and I must go with you." I accepted that offer because it'll take too long for me to find another job suited for a pirate. I walked downstairs and tossed the fliers into the trash can "hoping gunga will forget about it." then gunga popped out of it and bit my arm. "You think I'm stupid Ben?" Says gunga. Tears of fear went into my eyes and said "no please don't hurt me!" Then gunga started to shout "YOUR GONNA PASS OUT EVERY GOD DAMN FLIER OR YOU WONT HAVE MY PETCO SHIP™ GOT IT!?!!" I replied in a soft and squirmy Voice. "Yes sir." Then walked outside I gave each seamen 50 fliers each and told them to pass them out and meet back here when your done. Took a few hours and the job was finished. We spreaded the word about petco™ And met up by the petco™ We told gunga that we got the job done then he said "good job boys." And now it's time to set sails to find Jack The Ale Guzzler.
February 27th 1979
Turns out Jack The Ale Guzzler is in bikini bottom with Michael the Lazy, Lonely SeaSlug. They are under Patricks rock, cuddling. We only have 2 scuba gear so gunga and The Great Khali are gonna have to go. They swam over The Krusty Krab and they looked down and they seen Mr. Krabs and squidward torturing the hell out of plankton. They grabbed poisonous sea urchins and poured them onto plankton and they immediately tore off his nipples and antenna. Plankton screamed on the top of his lungs but all hope was lost and plankton was about to die. Then out of nowhere gunga pops out and saved the day! He twisted plankton's neck so he can die faster. He then got 20% off coupons to the Krusty Krab and he gave some petco™ Fliers to Mr. Krabs. After that they swam over towards spongebob's house and spotted Patrick crying by his rock. Gunga asked "what's wrong?" Then Patrick said "there's this big fat Lazy, Lonely SeaSlug under my rock and he's cuddling with this pirate looking guy and he won't let me in! I'm pissed OFF!" Gunga then lifted Patricks rock and spotted a hideous sight. There was SlugSlime all over the place and on top of that there was a screaming Jack The Ale Guzzler trying to get out of Michaels lazy, cuddle of eternity hold. When Michael seen gunga he quickly stuck Jack to the SlugSlime that's on the wall then went to war with gunga. Gunga with fast reaction sacrificed The Great Khali and tossed him into Michaels arms. As soon as Michael felt The Great Khali's biceps he latched his arms and tail around Khali and cuddled him for eternity. Then out of nowhere a black vortex popped out of the ground and Michael took Khali in there to another dimension to cuddle for eternity. We told Patrick about what happened and he was so happy and enjoyed that he had no choice but to grab all his buddies and chase us out of bikini bottom with pitch forks and torches. Gunga grabbed Jack and brung him up to our boat. I was so whimsical to see my bro again! Now he can tell us where one eyed willy is. But he wouldn't talk, he's to scarred for life for all the cuddling Michael did to him. We tried to cheer him up and say "Michael won't harm you again" but he still wouldn't talk. Then I got frustrated and said "if you don't talk then I'll have no choice but to throw u into another dimension where Michael is and he'll cuddle you and The Great Khali for eternity." Jack got so frightened that he then started to talk. He said "One Eyed Willy lives in 4 Seasons Island. They have no idea that he lives right in their pond." So that's where we're gonna go then! We Hoisted the sales and mopped the poop deck and set off for 4 Seasons Island.
February 28th 1979
We were almost to 4 Seasons Island but a disturbance happened with the ship. Then all of a sudden Al-Gore hops on board and says "everybody run! ManBearPig is coming. He's half man, half bear, half pig." Then I thought to myself "this guy doesn't know his fractions." Then something big leaped into the air and landed on the ship. It was ManBearPig! He's huge and ferocious, he's about 12 feet tall! We grabbed our weapons and went to war. 1st lieut. Jiggily puff did his rev roll and bursted into ManBearPig but he instantly popped and died. I was so scared that I chopped down the escape boat and was paddling away from the ship. The seamen saw that then they followed me, and so did Al-Gore. Gunga was pissed at me because we left his Petco™ Ship behind and ManBearPig was there eating all Gunga's dog treats and fliers. Gunga started gnawing on my leg trying to rip it off then I started to scream and he instantly let go when Roy Wrinkleton held a dog treat over his snout. It took us a few hours but we finally got to 4 Seasons Island alive. When we got to shore one of the guards came up to us and asked "are you guys members?" Then Jack walked up to him and started to whisper then the guard let us in. I was trying to ask what Jack said to him but he wouldn't tell me. I just assumed he said "we were trying to find One Eyed Willy." He walked up to the pond and said "Ben, did you really think you'd get away with blowing up 4 Seasons did you?" I started getting nervous and didn't answer. Then he said "and did you think that One Eyed Willy lives in the 4 Seasons Island pond? Your to gullible. Take em to 4 Seasons Island Prison." Then these robot guards grabbed us and threw us in prison. Jack walked up to us and I asked "why'd you do it?!?" Then he said "I'm a lawyer." Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!! "Says Ben" The end (to be continued)
Written by Gunga the dog
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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