Adventure's With Gunga Volume1
December 2, 1978
My name is Benjamin Dover A.K.A Ben Dover. My story starts from where I made my first encounter with the mushroom man! It was the scariest moment in my life. I lived in a farmhouse somewhere around the south side of Kentucky I lived with my ex shiniqua we were a very poor couple and she blamed me on that because I always buy dog houses and toys for my pet dog gunga. She wanted to get rid of gunga, she didn't like that dog at all. I'm a jobless pirate and my ex keeps telling me I have to get a job so I can get some of dem monies of been hearing so much about. My ex forced me to get a job and I decided what my job would be... I am now a dog poo cleaner upper, it is the best job suited for a pirate. And when I get some of dem monies I can hire seamen to sail the Seven sees with me and fight other enemy's that is in my path in killing one eyed willy. That is my goal ever since I was a baby pirate.. To kill one eyed willy and harvest his soul.
December 3, 1978
It's 3:07am and I heard noises coming from downstairs I'm gonna check what it was. I crept downstairs and what I saw soaked my slippers with pee and left poo stains on my nightgown forever. It was the psycho spaceman from the future! He immediately pinned me down and started sewing my buttcheeks shut so I can stop having explosive diarrhea. I asked "why have you broken into my house?!?" And he replied "I have came to the future because I'm butthurt about all my girlfriends dying and to get them back all I have to do is kill you!" I then screamed on the top of my lungs then gunga appeared out of nowhere and ate a capcaisin and poo'd ruthlessly inside the space man's helmet and he died instantly. I was so thankful to gunga that I had no choice but to break into my exes bank account and steal all dem monies that she had. It was over $78,900. I then bought gunga a dog mansion. She immediately left the house and sued me.
December 4, 1978
I am broke now.... My ex sued me for all I'm worth, which is $14:94 cents I live out on the streets and we can't live In Gunga's dog mansion because it's under Quarantine. Gunga ate 15 Mcdonald Big Macs and unleashed the juicy farts. The doctors said it was more deadly then anthrax. So I'm out in the streets trying to get dem monies so I can buy a boat and my seamen. I grabbed as many cardboard boxes as I could and made a hideous looking castle in the alley.
December 5, 1978
I just took a huge poo inside my old buddie Super Plank Of Death he is now under the curse of the mushroom man and he is now a toilet. I immediately grabbed him and made him my toilet for my cardboard castle. And he is my first mate for when I travel the seven seas.
February 12, 1979
Sorry I haven't been posting for a couple of days because I was playing this scary game with Steve urkel and he got so scared that he had no choice but to type in a Call of Dutye and give me a computer virus. But I saved up to buy a new one and I have my own apartment building. I'm still saving up for the ship and seamen crew, I'll get it one of these days. But so far I forced Steve urkel and super plank of death aka super toilet of death to be my crew, but I still need more seamen.
February 13, 1979
Ever since I had super plank of death bunk bed with me mushrooms have started growing all around my room. On the walls, the furniture, on super plank of death, and 1 has started to grow on Steve urkels overalls. I keep telling super plank of death what's going on but he won't tell me. Paranormal stuff has also been happening around the house... It's getting hard to sleep at night and we smell old, rotten mushrooms in our room but we can never find it. Something is going very wrong around the house. I can't wait till I get more monies.
February 14, 1979
I've looked online and found out that the mushroom man is with us... Since super plank of death has been cursed with him, if we don't do anything about it then we'll be cursed too. It is a hard decision to make because I need super plank of death as a toilet on our ship and without him we'll have to poo on the ground. But if we keep him then we'll suffer the curse of the mushroom man until we die... So with that I've made the obvious choice, I've kept super plank of death.
It was 3:07am and I heard noises coming from downstairs I walked slowly down the stairs and peeped my head into the kitchen and I spotted a plant.. But it was shaped like a mushroom and it had eyes... It was hideous to look at, it was probably the most disgusting thing you can ever set eyes on. It just looked at me, menacingly. I stood there just looking at it and it started to move towards me... It would do a slight jump to inch closer to me and since he was on the table if he moved another inch he would fall off and die so he jumped in the air and the plant broke. Then he started to grow arms and legs and stood up towards me. As soon as I seen him grow arms I bursted threw the door and ran outside. When I came back I saw urkel and super plank of death cuddled up in a corner, till this day they both never told me what the mushroom man did to them and I really don't want to find out.
February 15, 1979
I've finally got enough of dem monies to hire my seamen and a pirate ship. I'm heading over to pirate ship city™ I'll let you know how I do.
February 16, 1979
I've got the ship and the seamen crew, I am one happy cap'n! We will be In the ocean in 3 days. I just gotta survive for those days.
February 17, 1979
Just got done taking a dump in super plank of death, I felt very satisfied after. Mushrooms keep growing all around the place. On my tv, on my butt, it's everywhere! But good thing for me because I got to get going to work. I headed towards the house that needs their poop to get cleaned and I gripped my pooper scooper tight because I knew this was gonna be a big war... And that it was. There was humongous piles of poo everywhere on this guys lawn. Did he own an Eledar? I hopped in my robber jumpsuit and leaped in the piles of poo. It took 8 agonizing hours to clean the poo but I was happy because I knew I'd be getting a lot of dem monies ($7:90cents) I rode my bike home to find a crap load of police at my house and I saw them take urkel in the back of the police car. I shouted (you can't take my seamen you pigs!) and grabbed my pooper scooper and attacked the cops. I swallowed a bottle of Blair's 16 million reserve hot sauce And pooped on my pooper scooper and flung my poo at the cops. They pepper sprayed me immediately. They told me urkel is going to prison because he used super plank of death the wrong way and he called the cops on him. You won't be seeing your buddie here for awhile (the cop said) I was devastated by that... They took my seaman! After that I went down to the store to hire seamen, the first guy was named Neck-Snapper Nancy - he was an orphan as a child and still is. And that's why I picked him up so he can see the real world. The 2nd persons name is Bess Flint he was in the insane asylum for thinking he was a captain and he would always eat his poo. The 3rd guys name is Iron Leg Kerby if your wondering Iron Leg Kerby isn't a Kerby he's a Pokèmon. My 4th and last person is Jack the Ale Guzzler he is an escaped lunatic psychokiller. I am one happy, honored captain to have such an amazing, gifted seamen and with them we will hunt down and kill one eyed willy!
February 18, 1979
We got one more day until we set sail and I'm stoked because this is also my last day of work. I headed towards a gated community that I never like going down... It's called 4 seasons! It's full of rich and snotty little spoiled brat kids that hate poor people (which is me). All their dad's are lawyers and their capable of suing anyone and they always pick on me when I go down their neighborhood. I got through the gates and headed towards the house I have to go down too. I was paddling slow and cautiously. I felt like it was safe so I sped up alittle then I looked in my rear view mirror and I spotted 12 kindergartners riding on their big-Ol fancy smancy Aurumania's Gold Bike Crystal edition with built In training wheels and they drove towards me. I freaked out and drove my land boat as fast as I could. One of the kids was smart and pulled over to the side of me and grabbed the anchor that I had in my land boat and pulled it to the ground which immediately stopped and whiplashed me. The kids swarmed and tied me up in their chair. They grabbed their fathers and they started to sue me for reasons I don't understand. With quick reaction I spat on one of them and said that it's copy written which then caused panic with the lawyers. I untied myself and ran out of the house. The lawyers got so riled up that they bursted into flames and blew up the whole community and sued me for it. Everyone was dead except for me and a few of the evil kids. They grabbed restraining orders and headed towards me. I knew if they got too close to me then they'll beable to sew me for all I have. I sprinted as fast as I could towards the gates... the kids grabbed their rocket shoes and flew into the air at me. I looked back and screamed bloody murder the damn kids was inches away from me then a blur came out of know where and pushed me to the side causing the kids to fly into the streets and get killed by cars. And I know I'm gonna get sued for that one. After that gruesome accident I hopped on my land boat and paddled back home... When I got home it was already 12:00 at night. I took a shit in super plank of death then went to bed.
February 19, 1979
I just woke up at 3:07 because someone or something squirted mushroom juice all over super plank of death which then caused him to scream on the top of his toilet seat. When I went to go over to him the bathroom door magically shut at my face and I heard bloody murder screams from super plank of death. I knew it was the mushroom man! I shouted out to the mushroom man to open the door but he wouldn't listen. It sounds like he's eating something... Oh no! He's eating the spiciest thing in the world so he can take a huge dump in super plank of death!! He's eating an Shrimp Cocktail from St. Elmo Steak House. I grabbed a big hammer and started to hit the door down. No less then three swings it brought the door down... When I looked inside I didn't see the mushroom man or super plank of death. What happened to him? I then heard noises in the kitchen and rushed down there and when I went to the kitchen someone was behind me and knocked me out with a baseball bat. When I woke up I was tied to super plank of death and the mushroom man kept flushing the toilet (super plank of death) which kept splashing toilet water on my butt which made me immediately cry, it was so wet and stinky! What sick monster would do this?!? The mushroom man then grabbed 10,135,666 mushrooms and started to put them on me. He then started to do a creepy ritual which would turn me into a mushroom man and take his place. I was crying 25 times harder and it started to flood my house which then the mushroom man absorbed the tears and made him grow larger which scared me even more and tears were flowing from my eyes bigger then the niagara Falls. The mushroom man then grabbed a humongous mushroom and was gonna make me eat it.. Then out of no where Neck-Snapper Nancy and the seamen broke into the house and started to attack the mushroom man. Neck-Snapper Nancy started to twist the mushroom mans neck. Bess flint then started to eat the mushroom mans poo which brought pain to him for some odd reason. Jack The Ale Guzzler Started to rip the mushroom mans nipples off. And Iron Leg Kerby leaped into the air and turned Into a brick (Pokèmon can do that) and dropped down then hit the mushroom man which caused the mushroom man to run off into the mushrooms growing in the backyard.
After that freak incident it was finally time to head off to the seven seas with my seamen. Gunga can't make it because he's going to the comic con in Mexico. I paddled me and my seamen to the dock on my land boat to get to my pirate ship. We hoist the sails and mop the poop decks and took a war dump in super plank of death. As soon as we start gliding into the sea, no longer then 10 seconds we come face to face with our first enemy... It's Will The Seamen Eater! (Will from fosters home of imaginary friends) he jumps in the air and accidentally Scrapes our ship and he immediately says "sorry" he was probably the nicest sea monster you can ever set eyes on... But that's no reason why we shouldn't kill it. Iron leg Kerby jumped into the ocean and sucked will into his mouth and pooped him out. Will still survived that and swam away in tears. We got bored and decided to follow him, no sea monster gets away from Ben Dover! He went inside a poorly drawn cave with no exits and we trapped Will. He was screaming on the top of his lungs for us not to kill him. I felt alittle sorry for him but we're pirates and he must die. Neck-Snapper Nancy swam towards will and sliced his throat until all the blood spilled in the ocean and Will the seamen eater slowly died. After that we drifted out into the ocean to find some more villains and hopefully find one eyed willy.
February 20, 1979
We think the mushroom man is with us... When we woke up there were mushrooms growing everywhere and our only food was eaten and replaced with mushrooms, now how are we gonna eat? I thought of an idea and said we should eat bess flint... When bess flint heard that he jumped off of the boat and started to swim away. Very quickly I grabbed the wheel and turned the ship around and we chased bess flint. His arms got sore and he couldn't swim anymore so he started to drown himself. We then tossed ropes down and grabbed him by his body and lifted him up, then suddenly... Another Will The Seamen Eater jumps into the air and he accidentally ate bess flint thinking he was a fish... He apologizes and starts the water works. Then I said to my seamen "new objective... Kill all the Will's! We got time for one eyed willy later. We hoisted the cannons and started to bomb Will. All our shots missed except for the tore his head off.
After that I thought of an idea to kill all the Will's... But I need to use one of my seamen for bait. "Super plank of death would do" One of the seamen said. So I tied super plank of death up with rope and hung him over our boat. No less then 2 seconds 1,467,980 Will's appear out of nowhere. It was a pansy fest I tell ya! I quickly tossed super plank of death back to our ship and we went to town on the will's after 4 hours of a long but easy battle we killed all the will's except for one...
We reloaded our cannons and we cooked the will's... (You can actually make hamburgers from them!) And we used his butt to make tacos...
February 21, 1979
It gets very creepy at nighttime... I hear a whole bunch of ghost Will's saying "sorry" and all of our clocks stop at 3:07 were all cuddled up in bed right now scared to death. Good thing for me because my computer works even though were on a ship. Plants (shaped like mushrooms) started to grow everywhere. I knew this was not good!
In the morning we met another enemy that hopped on board our ship. It's Michael The Lazy, Lonely SeaSlug. Michael is a very Lonely little SeaSlug... He never had a girlfriend and he wants to find his first love and cuddle with him/her for eternity... (He's Bisexual) we grabbed our pirate swords and started to attack the SeaSlug but it did no damage we have to offer him a sacrifice so he can leave us alone. We all offer him Super Plank Of Death but he declined that offer.. Only he can choose who he wants to cuddle with forever. The SeaSlug squirmed his way over to us and felt our biceps and he showed a great interest in Jack The Ale guzzler. But I needed him because he was the only one who knew where one eyed willy was. Michael lunged over to Jack and wrapped his tail and arms around him then leaped into the air and took Jack with him to cuddle for eternity. "That's no Bueno" I told myself... We need that S.O.B.
February 22, 1979
Me and my seamen crew were sleeping... Then something woke us up. When I opened my eyes we were surrounded by plants shaped like mushrooms, they start to wiggle and they hit the ground and break then they grew arms and legs and attacked me and my seamen. Iron leg Kerby was so scared he turned into a brick and stood there in the corner, so it's all up to me and Neck-Snapper Nancy we grabbed our swords and went back to back and fought the mushroom men. I chopped one of their heads off then my sword broke and they over powered me and Nancy to the ground and tied us up... They left iron leg Kerby on the ground because he was in brick mode. We were powerless to these freaks and they'll turn us into mushrooms now! Since we all know kerbys can't hold brick-mode forever he then turned back into his jiggly self and the mushroom men suddenly gave him the electric nipple touch which instantly killed Kerby. There was only 4 mushroom men left and I knew if I could break free I can kill them so with that I told Neck-Snapper Nancy to give me a distraction so I can cut myself loose. He then wiggled his chair to one of the mushroom men and started to yell at him. The mushroom men grab him and threw him to the ground and started to squirt their mushroom juice on him which immediately turned him into one of them. That A-hole didn't give me enough time so now it's time for me to face my doom. They grabbed me and threw me to the ground and one of them mounted me... He was ready to squirt his gruesome mushroom juice on me when all of a sudden gunga appears out of nowhere and bites one of the mushroom man's head off... They attack gunga but with quick reaction he devoured a chilly dog sandwich and pooped all over the mushroom men causing them to die... I was so happy my diggity dog saved me. He untied me and I gave him a hug, but at that point I just realized I never had a dog... Gunga then looked up at me and started to growl. The end (to be continued)
Written by Gunga the dog
Content is available under CC BY-SA
Click here for volume 2
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