Blood Whistle Stooges
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Not familiar with the 1999 nickelodeon cartoon Spongebob Squarepants, it is about the titular sea sponge (resembling household cleaning sponge wearing a suit and tie) who lives in a pineapple under the sea who gets involved in all kinds of nautical nonsense. Due to the popularity of his show, spongebob has garnered copious amounts of spinoffs, Movies, Merchandize, Dank Memes, Spoofs, fanfics, and basically became the 21st century equivalent of Garfield due to how much cash was raked in form body pillow sales. Not only that, there are countless lost episodes, including squidward's suicide, Hope is Lost, Spongecry.avi, Patrick's leg, Patrick's revenge, Pear.avi, and etcetera.
What the lost episodes have in common can be summed up in a nutshell by the example I must tell you about today, Blood Whistle Stooges. As for how I came across this example, it's hard to explain. I was looking around at my local thrift store for until I stumbled across this peculiar Blu Ray disc housed within some 1990's CD jewel case. On the disk, written in with a black marker, was "A Day with Spingebill". I assumed it was a bootleg version of "A Day with Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie". I decided to look it up on my phone, only to realize that "A Day with Spongebob Squarepants" was unproduced. However, the casheer offered the Blu Ray for free with a purchase of a 69 oz kelp shake for tree fiddy, and I was immediately sold.
Once I made it back home, I decided to put the Blu Ray disc into my Blu Ray Player. One I pressed play, the video immediately started with the title card, it sayed "Blood Whistle Stooges" in red, comic sans font on a black background. At the sight of that, I was instantly reminded of that one Spongebob episode, "Slide Whistle Stooges", where squidward gets repeatedly slide whistled by Spongebob and Patrick. The title card then dose a bubble transition squidward waxing his carrot to some tentacle hentai, making that face he made in 'Just One Bite" shortly after he said "dose this look unsure to you". Then it cuts to Spongebob and Patrick sitting outside squidward's house, laughing together. They then both pulled out their blood whistles from behind themselves, spongebob played his blood whistle, and then it cut to squidward. The TV spontaneously switched to Donald Tramp (a xxx parody by wood rocket), then squidward became nauseous, exclaiming "No Russians". Squidward than regurgitated blood onto the TV, and thus causing it to disintegrate. Squidward then barged outside, "Spongebob, Patrick" he shouted. Spongebob and Patrick laughed again, then Patrick blew his blood whistle, Spongebob then laughed "here it's cry". It then cut to static, and then a clip from "Squidville" where Patrick says "I hate this channel".
Update: July 18th, 2017.
Continuing on from where we last left off, Squidward snatched the tv remote from patrixxx's hands and changed the cannel. On the channel in which Swuidward just changed to, was a commercial for Big Bill Hell's. As soon as the commercial ended, the typical bubble transition seen in most episode of Spongebob occurred, cutting to that scene from Squidville in which SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at the entrance of Tenticle Acres (only with a black bar with the text "Big Bill Hell's" in white covering up the sign). Aside from the edit to the sign, the first noticeable change made to the scene was whenever any of the characters say "fried oyster skins", the line was sentence mixed to make it sound like "fried foreskins". As soon as one of the guards collapsed on top of the button that would have normally opened the gate, I noticed that there was a black box over the "Gate Closed" , and the "Gate Open" text had "WTF" Plastered over it. Also of note, when the head of one of the guards landed on top of the gate opening button, instead of making a siren noise, it triggered a WTF Boom. It then cut to a close up of patrick's face, Patric said "everyone died, the end". It then cut to SpongeBob, who at this point was supposed to say "that didn't help at all", only the line was dubbed over by "What The Fu...". Before sponge bob could finish his line, it cut that scene from "Dying for Pie", in which the entirety of bikini bottom blew up.
Update: August 25th, 2017.
As soon the stock footage explosion cuts to the ruins of Bikini-Bottom, it then fades to sponge bob and Patrick sitting next to a Kampf Fire in Gaben purgatory. Patrick started to say something, but his voice was dubbed over by a voice clip of Emgo316 saying "hooray for cards". It then cut to SpongeBob, saying "at least we don't have to hear about broflakes getting triggered over Steve shives blocking them on twatter". It then cuts to a clip of the Nostalgia Critic episode "Looney Tunes Show: Good or Bad?", depicting Doug Walker lying on the floor and winging. It then cut back to Patrick shouting at SpongeBob, and patrick's voice was dubbed over by a voice clip of Anthony Anderson from Michal Bays first Transformers Movie back in 2007, shouting "Shut up Grandma" (and the audio quality was on par with this youtube clip). In response, Sponge bob whopped out couple chocolate bars, causing Patrick to bust a nut. Then a remix of the Ghostbusters theme, where in the lyrics, every instance of Ghost is replaced with Nut, making it sound like Nut Busters. With said remix playing in the background, Patrick shouted in excitement, dubbed over by "It's the Wonder Boner". With the remix still in the background, Patrick grabbed on of the chocolate bars; Patrick took his hand holding the chocolate bar, and bit it off. It then cut to SpongeBob, consuming his chocolate bar in a sexually objectified fashion. In reaction to sponge bob's actions, Patrick emulated the DEUUEAUGH made by that blue fish from the SpongeBob episode "Something Smells", meanwhile the scene in question was overlaid with strobe lights akin to that seen in "Electric Soldier Porygon". It was at this point in which the "Nut Busters" remix ended, only to have the background audio being replaced by "Room for One More Whore".
It then started to rain semen, thus prompting Patrick to charge up an Edajima Projectile. Patrick than muttered "Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru" before launching his Manly Magic Missile at SpongeBob, teleporting ol' spongy to a Terry Trap on impact. It then cut to Patrick chomping down on Spongebob's Chocolate Bar.
Update: August 26th, 2017
It then cut to a time card being read out by the french narrator, the aforementioned time card said "The following morning". It then cut to Patrick waking up from underneath the fireplace, akin to how he gets up from his rock house. Then from where the camp fire used to be, a Blood Whistle fell on top of Patrick's head like a coconut. Once Patrick noticed the Blood Whistle on the cum drenched floor, he exclaimed "Squidwards' clarinet, what are you doing here". In response, the Blood Whistle said, in Tommy Wiseau's voice, "Hear It's Cry". Then, out of compulsion, Patrick began to play the Blood Whistle (which made this noise).
The ground began to shake as SpongeBob emerged from the ground with Ocean Man being played in the background in reverse whilst simultaneously, heavily bass boosted. Aside from having his face disfigured into a phallic shape by the Terry Trap, SpongeBob appeared to be unscathed. SpongeBob then said "Don't worry, It was just a bad dream".
Update: September 1st, 2017
Whilst trying to find a way back to the real world, SpongeBob and Patrick stumble across a tribe of Spongemox. In response, SpongeBob and Patrick got all spooked and shit, and shouted out "Cringy Memes, What the Fu...". Before they could finish their sentences, a massive explosion occurred. SpongeBob and Patrick finally made it back to the real world, specifically in Squidward's house, right outside the of the bathroom. SpongeBob and Patrick then entered the bathroom, much to Squidward's dismay.
Update: September 3rd, 2017
Squidward shouted "Get Out", literally kicking out SpongeBob and Patrick. After the crash landing, SpongeBob and Patrick sit right outside of Squidward's front door. Patrick said to SpongeBob "I think Squidward forgot his clarinet", before pulling out the Blood Whistle. SpongeBob then said "Maybe we should return it", before knocking on Squidward's door. Squidward got enraged by the knocking on his door. Squidward than tried to open his front door, only to realize that SpongeBob and Patrick are blocking the way.
Squidward then tried going through the back door, and stormed his way to the front of his house. Squidward than Screeched "SpongeBob, Patrick, why in davy jones' locker are you still here". SpongeBob pulled out the Blood Whistle, and said "I think you forgot your clarinet". Squidward just stared at them with a blank expression, co-enciding with an awkward silence. 'Gimme that" Squidward said, swiping the Blood Whistle from Spongebob's hand. Squidward then said "keep out of my sights before I file a restraining order".
Update: September 4th, 2017 (Labor Day Special)
After SpongeBob and Patrick Fucked off to go Jellyfishing, Squidward wend back inside to practice his clarinet.
However as soon as he started playing the Blood Whistle, some satanic Gay Pot Bellied Goblin Frog Music began to play in the background. Then, Shit Pickle Rick spontaneously appeared behind Squidward. Richard than posted his laser at Squidward's head, then it cut to right outside of Squidward's house, with Squidward's screams overlaid by stock laser sound effects.
Meanwhile, in jellyfish fields, SpongeBob and Patrick failed to find any jellyfish out in the open. However, they did find a jellyfish net, which they decided to investigate.
Update: September 6th, 2017
Upon closer inspection, there seems to be a Jelly Hive caught in the net. "Why would anyone make such a lucky catch and just leave it behind like this" SpongeBob said. Patrick responded by saying "Many we should take a look inside the hive". In response, SpongeBob said "Great idea Patrick", before pulling up the net. SpongeBob and Patrick then crawl inside of the hive, as little as the Jellyfish gave a crap. Once the nautical noobs reached the throne room, they spot Tails Doll, who's spooky theme began to play in the background. Upon noticing the presence of SpongeBob and Patrick, Tails Doll responded by saying "Welcome to Die, home of the Die, can I take your order"; Patrick then placed his order. However, SpongeBob interrupted Patrick by telling him to STFU.
Update: September 9th, 2017
Tails doll was Buggered off over SpongeBob's Foul language, and than shat out a Boneless Pizza at him. However, Patrick deflected the pizza with his throbbing erection, bouncing it off back to Tails Doll. The Boneless Pizza proceeded to Pimp Slap Tails Doll with it's dick tenticles, causing a minor injury. Jellyfish fields has finally been cured of the Tails Doll Curse, and thus the Jellyfish resumed their normal Activity.
Whilst SpongeBob and Patrick (with his cuck hanging out) went jellyfishing to some fitting music, Squidward ran up to the both of them, shouting "SpongeBob, Patrick, you got to help me the freak out". SpongeBob and Patrick then notice Shit Pickle Rick heading their way. SpongeBob then whopped out his Hydro-dynamic Spatula (Set to Vibrator Mode), and sliced the silly pickle in half. Both halves of Shit Pickle Rick's Corpse then exploded in copious amounts of cum before it all imploded and seamlessly morphed into two separate Blood Whistles.
Update: September 15th, 2017 (Final Update)
With SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward now in possession of their own Blood Whistles each, the all stand together. Squidward then said "Hay, you two have clarinets just like mine", Patrick then shouted "Woot" in response. SpongeBob then said "let us all play our clarinets together squidgy", after closing his eyes shut. Squidward then interjected by saying "Great Idea". All three of them proceed to lift up their blood whistles, and began playing. My Blu Ray Player began to short circuit, but the projection on my 386SX Computer kept playing the stupid movie. The screen began to glitch out into static, and then jolted into what can only be described as "Just plain-ass, normal, everyday, no question about it, no NFL, no year, not named after a player, not named after a coach, not named after the referee's pet goldfish, no quarterback, dime-back, Nickelback, simple, ordinary, un-embellished, unmistakable, crystal clear, as frank as Frankenstein, as blunt as an atom bomb, one compound word: It's MOTHERFUCKIN', GODDAMNED, SONS-OF-BITCHIN', FUCK-FUCK-FUCKING Cringe".
The projection on my screen then triggered a Nuclear Fission within my Commodore69, in which i managed to survive. However, Jar Jar Binks then proceeded spring out, straight outta nowhere. But this was not puppet, not a cosplayer, not even an otherkin, but rather a Living, Breathing, Nipple Clamp Lovin', Urinal Cake Curdien', Corn Boy Eaten', Jizz Stain Jocky, Jar Jar Bipolar, Brothers Grunt Fanboy, uses BBQ Sauce as lube, 🅱️inks!
Jar Jar then proceeded to repeatedly stab me to death with his Erect Penis. In the afterlife, I take the form of an Albino Corgi. As for you, the reader,you died from choking on a Grain of Salt before you could even finish reading this story.
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