Chile con Queso noír
My name is Rick. I live in a small border town in Texas. We get a lotta undocumented people round here, but I don't mind. They got as much a right to Texas as I do. We don't all feel that way... But I digress.
The night was hot. The dry, tepid air seemed to undulate in the afternoon heat. At precisely 2:34 PM, it happened. The world turned black and white. Only I seemed to notice - clearly something was amiss.
Running through the main street, a passing cowboy challenged me to a duel.
When I declined, his face twisted into a snarl - he was lookin for trouble, and I wasn't in the mood. His chiseled jaw bent upwards to a crooked smile - clearly he was sour about his parent's inability to buy him braces as a child. I turned away to continue on my investigation, when everything turned black.
I woke up in a hospital bed, surrounded by iron bars. To my chagrin, the hospital bed was only a steel cot, and the iron bars were well oxidized. It would be easy to escape. I grabbed the spoon from my afternoon pudding and dug through the iron bars, covering myself with a poster of a brick behind me in the steel cell.
As I dug through the wall, I heard a noise from below the vents. A conversation between two immigration officers.
They were planning to destroy Latin America as we know it! I grew horrified as they discussed their plans to cover Latin America with cheese, making their jobs much easier. I was fine with this; but then it hit me. Belize, Haiti, Dutch and French Guyana - they would not be spared! I needed a plan, and fast.
Soon, it hit me. A giant glob of cheese. I fell unconscious again. I awoke in a field of cheese. I realised if I ate enough, Non-Spanish speakers would be safe! I began chowing down. Bite after bite of hot cheese. Soon, only a small amount was left. I began falling, and falling, into South America. Hitting the ground I exploded - Leaving the Andes scarred forever.
Credited to IQuoteRelevantSongs
Originally uploaded on October 6, 2015
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