Cthlulu and Stalin

Once upon a time, Cthulhu got bored, so he decided to rewind time and go back to World War II, which is when Hitler summoned him with the Necronomicon.

After being summoned, Cthulhu squashed Hitler like a miserable bug immediately after being summoned and then banished all Nazis to a dark oblivion in the lost city of R'lyeh.

With that over, Cthulhu decided to look for a different country to work with, so he flew into space and observed every single country until deciding to help the Soviet Union.

As soon as he landed, he realized how fucking cold it was in the USSR, so he prepared to leave, but was immediately given a warm coat and a huge cup of hot cocoa by Joseph Stalin, who knew of the destructive power of Cthulhu.

Stalin and Cthulhu then proceeded to negotiate for over two hours on how profits would be split between them of Cthulhu joined. If was eventually decided that 69% of profits would go to Cthulhu if he, in return, obliterated every single enemy Stalin had. That included every country against the USSR, every country allied with the USSR, and every single person currently in a Soviet gulag.

After six minutes of chaos and destruction, Cthulhu's job was done. He had finally defeated every other country, but he spared the governments of each country at Stalin's request.

Stalin went to the governments of each country that had been defeated and made a deal with them: if they paid him 10 million dollars, they wouldn't be obliterated. If they didn't, they would be obliterated.

After each country paid the ransom, it was nonetheless obliterated. Cthulhu and Stalin spent approximately two hours doing all this.

After all of the money was acquired, Stalin gave Cthulhu his share and the two became best buddies. Their friendship lasted for millions of years, in which they became the only living things on earth. Cthulhu then rose everyone that had ever died in the past from the dead as skeletons and made them moonwalk the earth nonstop for three thousand years.

Cthulhu then remembered that he had a family and friends back in the inter-dimensional lost city of R'Lyeh, so he waved farewell to his pal Stalin and flew away.

At his place, Cthulhu showed his family the money he had made in World War II while working with Stalin when he realized something. Stalin screwed Cthulhu over. He gave him fake money. Cthulhu found out about this and returned to earth, took all of Stalin's money, and tortured him to death before rewinding the earth's time back to WWII. However, the time-rewinding had ruined the money, so Cthulhu had to get a new job.

He sighed and looked for a new country to work with.

TO BE CONTINUED... (never)

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