Ethnic Ghost

My family and I have been terrorised for months, ever since we moved to a new house, in a new neighborhood.

At first it started small. Bumps in the night. Strange writing on the walls.

Funny smells.

Then I began to notice scars on my children's legs. "Mommy, the bad lady is here. She did this to us!" They'd say to me in the morning.

I began to stay up all night in their room to make sure they were safe. As I sat there in the darkness I'd hear the whispering of some foreign, creepy language coming from the corner of the room.

One day I'd had enough. I called my local Christian priest. When he came to the house, he refused to enter.

"I can't help you. There is an unnatural spirit possessing your home. It comes from a strange and weird culture. One unlike our own. One that has it's own folktales. Folktales that make for easy scripts and a safe return on investment."

"But me and my children are in a constant state of horror! We don't like creepy things."

"Call this number." Said the priest, handing me a business card. "This man can help you."

"Thank you." I said, and immediately called the number.

"Hallo? This is Niklas Sweden ghost detective. Do you have a ghost problem?"

"Uh, yes, yes, Mr. Sweden, I do have a ghost problem."

"Well that's what I'm a here for. What's a, bork, your story?"

I proceeded to tell him the experience me any my family had been going through.

"Oh, yah, yah. This is a very typical Swedish ghost, bork. It does typical Swedish things with the smelly fish, the Swedish words, hurdgy gurdy."

Immediately I felt relieved.

"I'd began to worry it was some kind of Spanish ghost, maybe one of those Japanese ones? But Swedish you say? Now I don't feel so bad."

"Oh no, no, no. You should be a vary afraid. The Swedish people be vary creepy weirdos, gurdy hurd. Not American at all."

I began to feel afraid again. I'd seen Swedish people on TV and thought they were normal, but perhaps they were not normal and did strange things that made me uncomfortable.

"What can I do, Mr. Sweden?"

"There's a nothing you can do, bork. There's no such thing as offensive stereotypes against the Swede's, eh? So the scary stories and the creepy weirdos will a always be coming back for more, no?"

"Thank you, Mr. Sweden. Thank you for your help. I must go now."

I hung up the phone.

Ghost Detective Niklas Sweden was right. There was nothing I could do. I took my gun from my holster and sucked a big chug of bullet through the back of my neck.

---

Credited to koalazeus 

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