Goosebumps Soap Was a Mistake: Difference between revisions
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Wet squelching from the grocery store aisle to the left of me.
I
Literally, like dog shit.
I
You ever look in the mirror and realize you look like a certain fucking italian plumber? Well I did. That was a bad time.
My friend Todd was talking about something but I
As always,
He works at McDonalds.
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And that was distinctly not what I was smelling from the next aisle.
I was really hoping it
I was really, really, disappointed to hear glass jars hitting the floor.
I looked over, and Todd had his arm stuck on one of the top shelf racks. He had knocked over all the other boxes of various frozen treats, trying to get the last box of a very specific brand Ice Cream sandwich that he insisted was the best.
Like Polar Bear or something. Fuck, I
As I was about to walk over to Todd and deal with his shit. an old fishermen walked up to me.
He was drenched in salt-water and smelled like piss. You know what, maybe it was
I took a step back, not wanting to get some kind of infection. Particularly in the facial area.
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More glass jars smashed in the next aisle.
A little white lie, since you generally
I walked him over to the chips and condiments aisle, before freezing at the turn. The aisle to the left. Fuck.
I took a deep breath, and walked into the aisle. The dog was coming out one way or another.
Except it
It was a blob of brown and green and glass and garbage.
If
What smelled like dog shit from 30 feet away smelled like a burning trash can at this distance.
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As it slid across the ground, it picked up all of the dirt and grime and glass it rolled over. Growing exponentially larger by the second, far more than the paper thin layer of dirt on the floor would have allowed for.
"Hey!"
Why? Why did I yell at it?
It slowly turned around to face us.
It was R.L.
R.L. Stink charged at us at full speed, leaving a squeaky clean floor in its path.
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We both jumped to the side, and Stink crashed into a pyramid of cans I had spent the entire morning building.
I
Todd pulled matches out of his pocket, and one of his sandals off his feet. He lit the sandal on fire and threw it at the stink blob.
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The now flaming R.L. Stink charged at Todd again.
Todd tossed a second flaming sandal up at the sprinklers.
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Joey gave a moment of silence for his cream.
I walked down the aisle, and grabbed the last remaining jar of pickles off the top shelf.
I dropped the jar.
At least I
...
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So I found a missing persons poster as I was about to post this.
Fucking weird, huh?
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