How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Shrek
Prologue: The Curious Case of Benjamin ButtShrekt
It was a dark and storm day, I was laying in my bed reading the latest issue of Nicholas Cage and the Curse of the Stranglizzled Portrick when suddenly there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I asked. A voice reminiscent of the one in the intro to the GhostbustersTM8 video game, only at a pitch 2.69M8 percent higher answered: "Hai. There's no time to explain but you're in danger, Benjamin ButtShrekt has finally awakened from his millennia long sleep to reek havoc on the mortals of this plane. "What do we do?" I asked, knowing how serious the awakening of an elder being such as Benjamin. "To banish Benjamin we must travel to the ancient birthplace of the internet: Gaben's basement." Suddenly the disembodied, earbleeding voice was interrupted by my friend and fellow Faze/Illuminati member, James Woods. James had burst into the room with a magnum and a "stress toy" yelling about how the end was nigh and how Benjamin had raised many shreklings in his awakening. When I heard him speak about shreklings I shat and vomited simultaneously then ran to my closet. I opened it and retrieved The Great Sanic which I proceeded to fuse with, gaining all the speedy powers of Sanic. Unfortunatly I had the side effect of talking like Sanic. "Cam on giys, lat's gu git gabin!" I said in the least Sanic way I could. James Woods nodded and said "It's time to redeem myself for Disney's Hercules!" The disembodied voice chimed in "I liked that movie!"
Part 1: Journey to the Center of Faze
Before we even began to head to Gaben's basement, we had to find a Case Key for CS:GO. The only place to find one those for free, as I was broke and had no life, was Faze Headquarters. We decided to use the BLOOD WHISTLETM8 to get there quicker cause we were kinda lazy fucks. I jammed the blood drenched instrument up my asshole and we flew all the way to the front entrance of the headquarters. I took down one of the guards with my Super Sanic SpeedTM8 and James Woods 360 noscoped the other one with so much grace I yelled "Queeee, sa gud!" and shat myself until I shat out Sanic, losing his abilities as well as his poor speaking skills. "Get Shrekt!" the disembodied voice said. We descended into the base of the most MLGTM7 society in history, taking care not to awaken Bill Cosby from his Odinsleep (we didn't need two eldritch beings causing chaos throughout The Mushroom Kumdom). Suddenly, a monitor in one of the corridors screeched to life with this vid:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/t2lKQeKfCUI
After that I unsubbed every youtuber on earth 1 divided by 0 times, unleashing Viacom from the depths of the underworld once again to reek havoc on youtube with copyright claims (great, I unleashed an eldritch being after all). We finally reached the center of Faze, opened the door to the Fazelord's room. What came next I couldn't be prepared for: The Fazelord was David Bowie...
Part 2: David Bowie and the Great Banana
Coming Soon...
