How My Friend Became a Zombie
Hello guys. Today I will talk about how my friend, Johnny Abatti, became a zombie. Well, he lives here, with me. I teach him to eat meat, not human brains. He wouldn't kill me, because I am his best friend and I know him better than others, so he lose me, he lose everything. The story went like this:
It started two days ago. Me and Johnny were having a little "chit chat". We went to an abandoned warehouse. We didn't went IN the warehouse, because the rumor is spread that it was haunted and there were ghosts and stuff, so we came at the front of the warehouse. There was a man who's sitting on the ground, with a black coat and a black hat. His face was covered with a black hat, so we didn't see his face. He was selling some stuff (a magic hat, some bottle of green acid, a lost Pokemon game, Jerry's Last Farewell cartoon...). We came to him, welcomed him and asked how much that green acid costs. He said:
"Five bucks." He said.
"Okay, mister..." We stood silent because we didn't know his name.
"Mister La Bete Noire." He lifted his head.
It was horrifying. Johnny took camera and photographed him. He shrieked and jumped very high, made a real, fucking noise and vanished into deep space. We were shocked. I was trying to said something funny, but we were very shocked to take a joke. "La Bete Noire" left all stuff, so we decided to take them. But first Johnny said:
"Let's play Rock, Paper, Scissors to see what the heck is in this bottle."
I confirmed, and I won. Johnny drinked all the "juice". He was showing some reactions to that acid. It... It was gross. His skin turned grey, hair turned blue, he vomited and left a big pile of shit like he was taking two packets of laxatives. Some gang came, and I pulled him in the bushes to stay hidden. Gang said: "Dafuq was here?" and they all fainted. Johnny wake up and said: "Brains... BRAINS!" and he ran to them in un - human speed. He broke their heads and ate their brain. Every time he ate one brain, he took a shit. When they're all being dead, he turned to me and said: "Uhhh... What happened to me? Hey, what happened to them?"
I said in shock: "YOU happened!"
And he said what he always say: "What? I didn't do nuthin'!"
"Maybe you don't know about it because you don't have a BRAIN. Well, you can speak and that's weird." I said like a genius "Hey, maybe we can put your gut into stomach and you can throw shit outta your mouth!"
"That's a great idea! But how will you do that to me?" asked Johnny.
"We just need a scalpel, thread and good 'ol needle!" I said happily.
"And where we can take those things?" asked again.
"In the hospital!" I said.
So I went to hospital, took all those things and I operated. Nothing happened, just a little vomiting, faintings and that's all. When I do that to Johnny, he said:
"Thanks, man! Now I need to practice, but there's no one here. Just me and you-"
"EEEK!" shouted Nannete Manoir, an annoying bitch.
"SHOOT HER DOWN!" I yelled. He throw a shit, the shit flied and she turned around with opened mouth and...
"FIRE IN DA HOLE" Johnny yelled. I was being busy with vomiting, so I'll ending the story tommorow.
See ya'!
