Hyper-Realistic Mayonaise's Two-Sentence Horror Story Compilation

For those of you who don't know, this is a list of parodies of those two-sentence horror stories all over the internet. Hope you enjoy!

---

The last human on earth hears a knock at the door. It's Spongebob, his landlord and lawyer, coming to collect the rent.

I was an intern at Nickelodeon studios. I then got enslaved by Dan Schneider and was forced to act as an extra in Nicky Ricky Dicky and Dawn.

I was a huge Sonic fan, much like everyone else. Then everyone who was more of a Mario fan attacked me in the comment section, causing a long, tedious streak of internet drama.

I declared my story as the absolute subjugation of the internet itself. Everything else ever asked me to hold their collective beer.

America elected Donald Trump as president. He still hasn't been impeached.

HoodoHoodlumsRevenge once liked a lot of the stuff on this wiki. It still haunts and embarrasses him to this day.

The last man on earth hears a knock on the door. A skeleton popped out of it because cliché.

A Disney mascot asked me if I wanted to see him remove his head. IT TURNED OUT TO BE A GUY IN A COSTUME GOD OH NO MY CHILDHOOD IS RUINED EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW WAS A LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!1

At no point are you going to hear me claim something within the game spoke to me, reacted to my words, or forced me to punch myself repeatedly in the face. I will however claim that an E rated game had letters written in blood, had Luigi, a playable character, be a twist villain, had dead Mario zombies chase me, and had loads of blood in only one particular area that is so hard to reach that nobody ever discovered before me because I am a GOD!

I was once an intern at Nickelodeon studios. I got fired for writing too many bad creepypastas that started with this line.

I was a huge Sonic fan, much like everyone else. My bad creepypasta was also taken seriously by Mr. Creepypasta at one point.

A Disney mascot asked me if I wanted to see him remove his head. It turned out to be Shia Labeouf.

You still haven't left this list despite it being pretty stupid. You start rethinking your life choices.

I finished playing a scary game. A plushy then popped out of the screen with blood in its eyes; I was annoyed at the anti-climax.

I saw the fan-made version of SuicideMouse.avi. I was so bored that I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a lightsaber.

An inhuman creature ate my left kidney for brunch. I decided to take a picture of it instead of running away.

An imaged flashed on the screen during (put your own lost episode here). The image was a scene from Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill.

At no point are you going to hear me claim something within the game spoke to me, reacted to my words, or forced me to punch myself repeatedly in the face. I already tried that, and that got my trollpasta deleted from the wiki.

I am a huge Sonic fan, much like everyone else. Except for you, John; I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU LIVE.

I used to have faith in the trollpasta community. Then I read ZOMG IZ ZGARIEZED BAZDA LIGE 1337 H4X.

Somebody once told me the world is ravioli. I ate it so I guess we are dead.

An inhuman creature ate my left kidney for brunch. He then drank some fine wine and offered me a glass like the mature gentleman he is; we had a nice conversation about the philosophical implications of the Communist Manifesto while I was bleeding out.

You still haven't left this list despite it being pretty stupid. The state of Delaware is more interesting than this.

I have no acting experience what-so-ever. But the director still chose Steven Segaulle over me.

Somebody asked me to destroy that tape with the lost episode on it. I wish I didn't watch it; it was SOOOOOOOOO BORING!

Somebody once told me the world is gonna rule me. This dead meme killed everyone dead.

You feel your mind getting numb and you brain rotting away. The stupidity of this list is dangerous.

Dreamworks finally made a name for themselves and stopped making movies only good for memes. Then Boss Baby happened.

I was an intern at Nickelodeon studios. I was the one who gave them Fanboy and Chum-Chum rather than Adventure Time; I am the ultimate saboteur.

At no point are you going to hear me claim something within the game spoke to me, reacted to my words, or forced me to punch myself repeatedly in the face. You'll hear me claim something within the lost episode spoke to me, reacted to my words, and forced me to punch myself repeatedly in the face.

America elected Donald Trump. It is not 2020 yet.

I was a huge Sonic fan, much like everyone else. E̶̖͍̫̫͕̝̦͕̲̰̼̠̳͙͈̳̪͔͡͠v҉̡̨̲͚̹̠͠ȩ̶̸̗̻͕͖͚̱͚͖̣̦̬͜n̸̪̥̯̞͚̩͉̩̳͓̼̗͈̗̙͔̞̤͘ ̙͔̦̱̰̲̱̖̤́͡Ź̢̙͕̳͔̘̱̯̬̞̟̗͔̭̟á̸̴̵͎̺̩͙͙͔̣̬̬͍͓͈̬̟̜̫̼l̸͜͜͞҉̬͍̩̬͖̱̱͍̪g҉̷̡̹̫̩̮̩̭̳̖̬̼͎ͅǫ̪̦̥̘̫̻̣̠̻̗̩̦͇̼̀͢ ̶͚̗͓̺͇̻͍͈̝́̕͜͝a͝͏͖̱͇̖̺͎̥̪̟̤̜̭̱̩̫̖ͅg̷̛̯̼̤͙͇̺̬̼̗̼͘͜r̨̬̘͙̥̞͘͢͜ḛ̷͓͚̱̤̳̼̣̘̺̥͉̜͓̠̮̜̦͚͜͝ȩ̷̶̧͓̩̰̭̖̞̺̙͘s̢̤͓̯̦̟̦̗͘!̴̡̛͎̟̣̳̩͕̫̜̗̥̹̫̜͉͡

I used to be afraid of the Spongebob Bootleg Episode image. Then I realized it was a GIF and that I embarrassed myself in front of the entire internet.

I declared my story as the absolute subjugation of the internet itself. I also thought that shit could belong to both a bull and a horse at the same time.

I used to have faith in the creepypasta community. Then I realized that Happy Appy is still up.

I used to have faith in Disney. Then I saw Cinderella 5: The Illuminati Teams Up with JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer and Slenderman for the Sole Purpose of Forcing Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to Eat Cauliflower.

A Disney mascot asked me if I wanted to see him remove his head. Yellow blood then poured out of its head... no wait, never mind, it was just paint, because BLOOD ISN'T YELLOW!

America elected Donald Trump. The Simpsons predicted this.

I finished playing a scary game. Then it got me with a cheap last minute jumpscare/screamer, completely ruining the tone it had established.

An inhuman creature ate my left kidney for brunch. Thankfully, I sold my right one on the internet, so I can afford lawyers to sue him... wait... oh shit.

I was an intern at Nickelodeon studios. Then I was locked in a room and forced to watch every single version of the various Squidward's Suicide fan videos.

At no point are you going to hear me claim something within the game spoke to me, reacted to my words, or forced me to punch myself repeatedly in the face. Cthulhu is watching me, so if I did, he'd kill me in the most hyper-realistic way possible.

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? EVEN SATAN FEELS SORRY FOR YOU!

I was a huge Sonic fan, much like everyone else. I then got an unjustified copyright strike from Sega for mentioning a liscenced character too much, despite this being more of a Nintendo thing to do.

I used to have faith in my own opinions. Then Happy fucking Appy stabbed me 14,184,234,792 ¾ times with a salad fork before dumping my body into the demented, psychotic, bleak reality of ZOMG IZ ZGARIEZED BAZDA LIGE 1337 H4X.

I listened to the Lavender Town theme for 666 hours on end. I thought to myself, "GOD that was a waste of time".

The last human on Earth hears a knock on the door. It was the last Reptoid who told him that his psychotic conspiracy theories were right all along.

Congrats, you made it through the entire compilation. What the hell are you smoking?

Comments • 1

Loading comments...