KIRBY AND THE BLOOD SHARDS

I just got my new copy of Kirby on the Nintendo 64, I was feeling pretty nostalgic because I used to play Kirby on the Nintendo 64 a whole 5 years ago.

So it was a great thing I got it for free from the creepy old guy that I think *might be* a serial rapist, but my nostalgia couldn’t wait for the law!

Anyways, when I turned the game on, the title screen read “Kirby 64 THE BLOODY SHARDS” and I thought “What is this?!?! A rom hack?!” being the dedicated Nintendo fan I am, I was about to report this crime to Nintendo (my friends) but I thought what the heck, and turned the game on.

When I turned the first level on I saw the SKY WAS RED AND BLOODY and when the enemies died BLOOD CAME OUT, there was ALSO ORGANS COMING FROM THE SKY.

I was almost in tears, but I bravely pressed on.

Instead of the first miniboss... it was... it... was... me!?!?!?!?

It had my real name and everything!! And when I turned on the attack and attacked me, there was... bruises on me... OUCH!!!

I was so scared I ran to the Nintendo 64 and was about to turn on the off button, but before that I HEARD

“I’Ll FInd YoU....TOMMY GREEN!!!!!!!”

AS KIRBY WITH BLACK EYES A ORGANS COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH SAID TO ME!!!!!

I SCREAMED IN PANIC AND SMASHED THE NINTENDO 64 TO BITS!!!!!!

To this day, I am yet to play another video game...

And if you listen close enough... you might be able to hears Kirby’s diabolical laughter... in the night...

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