Lifeguard's Mistake
I work at a small community pool as a lifeguard. It's a pretty cool job for a young man like myself, I get to go out and party all night long, show up to work the next day at noon and yell at kids all day long. Yelling at kids for doing dumb inconsequential stuff has got to be the best hangover cure on the entire planet.
The way that it works is we do fifteen minute rotations, you go out and police the pool for 15 minutes and then you get 15 minutes off to fuck around or whatever you want to do. Take a nap, slap the bass, bullshit with other lifeguards, whatever.
Well it was around 3:00 p.m. and I was starting to get hungry like I normally do. I had just been relieved by another guard and my first thought was "Snack time bitches!". So I stroll into the lobby nearby with a dollar in quarters and a mean hankering for a snickers bar. The lobby was pretty empty, just the receptionist and a little 8-year-old boy named Tyler who was a regular troublemaker at the pool, who was chilling and having his own snack. Probably going to go right back in and swim after eating, scumbag.
Tyler's rap sheet was a mile long, running on the deck, front flipping off the side of the pool, rough housing, diving headfirst into the shallow section, bouncing on the diving board more than two times. You name it, Tyler had done it, a completely ruthless savage.
But none of that mattered, it was Snickers time. Like greased lightning my fingers inserted the quarters into the vending machine. D8 please I thought as I pushed the buttons to dispense the Snickers bar, had that shit memorized. And then it happened.
My stomach leapt into my throat, I watched in horror as my Snickers did that thing where it circles around the plastic spiral thing that's supposed to push the candy out. It was stuck, my fucking snickers was stuck. And I didn't have any more fucking quarters.
"Hey Misty, do you have a dollar I can borrow?" I asked the receptionist
"No." she responded
Fine, fuck you too I thought, she didn't understand how important this was. I'll be GoDdamNed if some other FuckInG piEcE of sHit comes along with a dollar and gets my FuCkiNG snickers bar. TwO for FucKing ONE, I don't fUcKIng think so I thought as I started shaking the machine violently.
Not working, but maybe if I just got it to drop a level someone could grab it from the bottom. I looked over at Tyler
"TYLER, GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME GET THIS FUCKING SNICKERS BAR OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER SWIM IN MY POOL AGAIN."
He looked at me stunned, didn't say a word and came over to help me.
"THANK YOU! Put your hand in the dispenser, can you reach my Snickers bar?"
He couldn't, but he was close, just needed it to drop a little bit.
I started shaking the machine violently again trying to get it to drop so that little piece of shit could grab it.
I managed to get out of the way before the machine fell over. Tyler's arm was trapped so he couldn't escape. His leg stuck out from underneath the toppled vending machine, twitching.
I solved one problem, but the worst part was that I didn't get my candy bar. I was so fucking hungry when the police questioned me.
UPDATE - TYLER IS OK AND HE SUED ME AND I LOST MY HOUSE AND MY GIRLFRIEND AND MY FRIENDS AND I WAS FIRED AND NOW I'M LIVING HOMELESS IN THE STREETS. IT'S SO OVER BROS
Credited to Fat_Jackson
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