Lost Kool-Aid Commercial
When I was a young kid, I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. My mother and father had gambling issues, and they weren't the best with money. So my childhood I stayed poor. We always had to buy generic food instead of the real stuff. It never really bothered me because my parents were always out at one of their two jobs working pay check to pay check just to keep a roof over our heads, and I could deal with what we had. One day, they just never came home. I was told they ran away to join a cult or something. I ended up as a homeless orphan. I quickly realized how stupid my parents were working all those jobs when you could have all the things you want and a roof over your head just by breaking into people's houses.
Well, one day, I was chilling in one of Paris Hiltons' vacation homes and got a little thirsty, but all she had was sparkling water. Just when I was about to give up, her giant TV turned on by itself. As if the universe heard my prayers for something to drink, this Kool-aid commercial came on. They Kool-aid man said his signature line, "Oh Yeah," and suddenly it was if he jumped out of the screen, breaking the fourth wall in real time and getting glass shards all over the floor. He held out a hand and handed me an empty glass. The Kool-aid man then poured his own fluid right from his head directly into the glass. I was so thirsty that I didn't even think about how this was kind of like just drinking his blood. Well, soon, I realized that the sweet drink in my mouth tasted a little off than usual.
That's when I realized that I wasn't looking at the Kool-aid man at all.
The Imposter put on his signature sunglasses, and I recognized him immediately. It was Jim Jones, Jimothy Jonesbones," for short. It was right then that my world started to spin. I realized what was off about the delicious drink in my glass. It contained not Kool-aid but Flavor Aid. I tried to act quickly and make my escape, but the Flavor aid in my system was enough to make even a grown man feel disappointed. So that's when I resigned from life right there. I called the cops on myself and told them where to find me and Jimothy Jonesbones, but right before they got there, he jumped back into the TV quietly whistling the tune to WonderWall as he faded away. Before I knew it, I was in handcuffs with the gross aftertaste of Flavor Aid still in my mouth. Paris Hilton never pressed charges, and she actually felt bad for my plight. She signed over her home to me and told me she once fell for old Jimothy's tricks herself. That cheap bastard is always buying the generic brand of anything. I guess he'll never understand. I never had the TV repaired as a reminder that I survived that day. The only thing that bothers me is that late in the night just as I start to fall asleep I can hear the faintest "Oh Yeah" and I know some sucker out their is drinking Flavor Aid instead of the real stuff. What a poor miserable bastard they must be.
Credited to LucifersLittleHelper
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