My Very Hyper-realistic, Cliched, Edgy Adventure (Also Known As I Have No Life)
First of all, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.
Alright, now that we've got that out of the way, I would like to recount to you a true, very hyper-realistic, traumatizing series of events that I have endured for the past month. On my way to work one fine satureve evening, I felt as though I was being watched by something, someone. If I'm being honest, I was hyper-realistically uneasy. Out of the corner of my hyper-realistic eye, I hyper-realistically turned and to my hyper-realistic horror, I was hyper-realistically greeted by a hyper-realistic Evil PATRIXXX who hyper-realistically stood there in a very hyper-realistic, menacing way. So I ran, I ran far and speedily. I hyper-realistically felt like I was hyper-realistically rolling around at the hyper-realistic speed of hyper-realistic sound. Finally, after what felt like 666.666 picoseconds, I hyper-realistically arrived at my hyper-realistic workplace at which I am a hyper-realistic intern. As I hyper-realistically clocked in, I noticed that the hyper-realistic clock hyper-realistically read as a hyper-realistic 13:666. I hyper-realistically paid this no hyper-realistic mind and hyper-realistically went on with my hyper-realistic day. Later, around my hyper-realistic lunch break, as I hyper-realistically ate my hyper-realistic sandwich that my hyper-realistic wife made me, my hyper-realistic boss hyper-realistically asked me to come to his hyper-realistic office. To nobody's hyper-realistic surprise, my boss had a hyper-realistic dakimakura of a hyper-realistic Sonic.EXE along with multiple hyper-realistic figurines of hyper-realistic Hatsune Miku inside hyper-realistic jars. But what hyper-realistically surprised me was his hyper-realistic shrines to Shrek, Danny DeVito, and Megamind. He had the hyper-realistic gall to not hyper-realistically make a hyper-realistic shrine to hyper-realistic Jeff eht hyper-realistic killer!!!!!11 With this, I hyper-realistically quit my hyper-realistic job in which I hyper-realistically didn't even make a hyper-realistic minimum wage.
On my hyper-realistic way home after quitting my hyper-realistic job, I hyper-realistically stumbled upon a hyper-realistic yard slae. The first hyper-realistic thing to hyper-realistically catch my hyper-realistic eye was a hyper-realistic game boy cartridge that hyper-realistically had the hyper-realistic sticker scratched off and "POOKIMAYNZ EDGEYY DED GOER ADN BLDOO VEISRON VERWY EXTTRAAZ CURZEDSS!!!!!!11!!!!!" hyper-realistically written in hyper-realistic red marker on it hyper-realistically. The hyper-realistically shady old man in charge of the yadr slae hyper-realistically said, "You doesn't want to hyper-realistically buy that hyper-realistic game, it hyper-realistically haunted by a hyper-realistic ghost of a hyper-realistic little boy who hyper-realistically killed himself after hyper-realistically playing that hyper-realistic game!!!!!11!!!1" Now, me, being a hyper-realistic dumb fuck, hyper-realistically asked the hyper-realistic old man if I could have it for free. The old man hyper-realistically obliged and hyper-realistically told me, "I hyper-realistically wanrdedferyoiuuiu82e738337634736r3&^$%$%$^$" as he hyper-realistically had a hyper-realistic heart attack and hyper-realistically fucking dieded.
Upon hyper-realistically making it back to my hyper-realistic home, my hyper-realistically hot hyper-realistic wife hyper-realistically asked me how my hyper-realistic day was. Me, being a hyper-realistic mysoginist, told my hyper-realistic love-bitch to hyper-realistically shut the hyper-realistic fuck up. I then hyper-realistically searched for my hyper-realistic Game Boy Advance SP hyper-realistic silver edition so that I could hyper-realistically play my new hyper-realistic game. As I hyper-realistically put the hyper-realistic cartridge into my hyper-realistic handheld, instead of de normaw hyper-realistic intro, my hyper-realistic screen hyper-realistically said "YOU'RE NEXT!!!!111 OOHWWAAA!! SOO SKARWEY!!!111" And then a hyper-realistic skeleton hyper-realistically popped out and challenged me to a hyper-realistic competition: see who could gather the necessary materials to summon de slendurman furst. I immediately hyper-realistically pulled out my hyper-realistic Glock-19, causing the hyper-realistic bone pile to hyper-realistically pause for exactly 69.420 milliseconds before hyper-realistically saying, "I was just hyper-realistically trying to be hyper-realistically humerus.", causing me to hyper-realistically put my hyper-realistic shooty-shooty-bang-bang away, and pull out my hyper-realistic, comically large butterfly knife, giving the skelebone a grand total of 28 STAB WOUNDS. Afetr that, the hyper-realistic game was hyper-realistically unable to be played anymore, so I started to hyper-realistically make love to my hyper-realistic wife. During this, I got a hyper-realistic phone clal from her father giving me some pointers. I told my hyper-realistically hot wife about this, and she hyper-realistically informed me that her hyper-realistic father had hyper-realistically died 666 hyper-realistic weeks ago, prompting me to hyper-realistically scream THEN WHO WUZ FONE!!!11!!!!!!!
After I hyper-realistically calmed down, I hyper-realistically decided to hyper-realistically rent a hyper-realistic movei fmor my local hyper-realistic blockbuster video(oh yeah, it's hyper-realistically 1987 btw), where I hyper-realistically was offered a free hyper-realistic VHS tape. I hyper-realistically jumped at this, because I am a hyper-realistic penny-pincher who loves to hyper-realistically get hyper-realistic things for free. I brougth the VHS home, hyper-realistically put it into our hyper-realistic VCR, which wsa a hyper-realistically bank sceren for exactly 26 hyper-realistic secodns before hyper-realistically starting a hyper-realistic Spongebob Scareplants episode hyper-realistically titled "Squidward's Hyper-realistic Suicide". I was hyper-realistically horrified as I watched my favorite hyper-realistic cartoon characters hyper-realistically commit hyper-realistic suicide before the VCR spontaneously burst into hyper-realistic flames. I then hyper-realistically ran out of my hyper-realistically burning home only to hyper-realistically see BEN hyper-realistically push me into the hyper-realistic lake outside my home, causing me to hyper-realistically drown in the hyper-realistic waters of hyper-realistic south Florida. As my hyper-realistic soul hyper-realistically leaved my body, I got to hyper-realistically watch a hyper-realistic group of alligators hyper-realistically consume my hyper-realistic corpse.
Then, I hyper-realistically woke up in my hyper-realistic bed having hyper-realistically broken out into a hyper-realistic cold sweat. I hyper-realistically let out a hyper-realistic sigh of hyper-realistic relief. It was all just a hyper-realistic bad dream. There was no such thing as trollpastas, the tooth fairy, or the Queen of England, it was all just a hyper-realistic fragment of my hyper-realistic imagination.
And then I hyper-realistically died.
Written by Bikun
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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