Possessed Cat

My cat may look like an ordinary feline, but she is definitely possessed by a demonic force beyond human comprehension. I know it sounds crazy, but let me explain. Something must be done to stop her!

She'll roll around on the floor and tempt you with her belly, but when you try to touch it, she will capture your arm and beat it up. As the Bible tells us, evil is attractive... and boy oh boy, lemme tell you something, this little fucker is literally cute as hell. I am helpless against the siren call of the pink nose and the furry belly.

She often runs around the house in a demonic frenzy, messing up all the area rugs and generally beating the crap out of everything in her path. Her eyes get huge and they turn all black. She unhinges her demonic jaws and attacks the furniture, the washing machine (if it's running), my slippers, and probably all of you, too, if you were unfortunate enough to cross paths with this abominable creature.

I have reason to believe she can see in the dark. Her eyes glow with unholy light in the gloom. She yells relentlessly until she gets what she wants, and holy moly, she sure can make a mess in the litter box. She occasionally hurls a turd several feet away while she's digging around. I believe it is an act of bioterrorism.

I recited the Prayer to St. Michael, but she just yawned and flopped at my feet, exposing her belly for yet another Satanic sneak attack on my person. This demon is clearly too powerful to expel through conventional methods. is it possible I'm dealing with Beelzebub himself??

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Credited to theworldisgrim 

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