Shrek Is Love: The Onion Strike: Difference between revisions

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>trying to convince my little sister of the magnificence that is the great ogrelord

>she refuses to accept the onionmaster as her lord and ogreior

>know i have to think up a sophisticated plan of action to pull her onto the dark swamp >now was the time

>you see, i told my parents to take the flat on the 12th floor because through our windows a giant Shrek 3 poster could be seen perfectly

>1 week ago it was replaced by a pizza hut ad

>i prayed to the ogrelord night and day requesting instructions to regather the glory of the dark one

>finally i had an afflatus

>i planned to go on onion strike

>set up a tent next to the construction the shrek ad was formerly pinned onto

>seated myself with my swampish-green robe on the ground holding a sign up into the air that read "justice4shrek - onion strike in motion"

>the first few days i was entirely ignored by the masses

>my parents supported me all the way through; they knew how much shrek matters to me and the world

>10 days since the start I was merely skin and bones after having been without nutritious onions for such a giant time span

>i lied on the ground mid-day when my tired eyes made out a figure moving in my direction

>i thought another brogre was to finally join and support my cause

>i couldn't have been more wrong

>prince farquaad, CEO of pizza hut, was standing in front of me with the most smug grin one could imagine

>after having laughed sardonicly for circa 3 and a half minutes he spoke up

>weakly I mumble

>"No…it can't be…"

>I have given up my will to life

>prayed a last time requesting guidance and in case of my demise my welcoming into the great swamp

>closed my eyes awaiting farquaad to end my life through the use of his drek tomatos

>nothing

>nothing but little, fast-paced thuds from afar

>the thuds get closer and closer

>louder and louder until it's almost unbearingly loud

>suddenly it's quiet again

>I hear somebody say in a beautiful deep scottish accent "don't give up, laddy. there is much onion juice to live for"

>I open my eyes to see shrek standing in front of me

>his shrock is already fully erect with farquaads dwarf body hanging loosely on the shaft

>as he looks me in the eyes i regain massive amounts of new energy

>"thank you so much, shrek. but…the terrible pizza hut as is still in place…"

>with a soothing voice he assures me "do not worry, laddy. i will take care of it. But first, you have to take care of this.

>he points to his hypermassive shrock which is starting to go more and more flaccid

>"I understand, master. i will be your servant for the ritual."

>after having positioned myself appropriately for his giant ogre dick to fully engulf my anal cavities with swampy goodness, he exclaims "very well, laddy. very well."

>without warning he pierces through my anus going deeper and deeper by milliseconds of time

>i cum on the instant the tip of his farquaad blood-drenched glans made contact with my prostate

>he is not satisfied yet and continues the shreks for half an hour until my anus is torn

>i do not feel pain after he pulled out, i feel bliss

>shrek says "now to change this terrible poster back to its original state!"

>he takes a supersonic jump powered by his ogre farts into the sky while i yell "GO INTO OGREDRIVE"

>mere seconds after his body was illuminated completely by the clouds a bright green flash engulfs everything in a 1000 mile radius

>every poster and ad in that area has changed to posters with shrek's face and the saying "It's never ogre, laddies." on them

>they are protected by a thin power layer to prevent any harm farquaad followers could do

>contently i pack my tent and sign up ready to go back up into our flat to drink some onion juice as a refreshment for these rough weeks

>she has a both shocked and fascinated look on her face

>"do not fear the ogrelord, my child. at last you finally see through the layers of the onion." i whisper to her before entering the building

>she has been a devoted shrek follower ever since

>Shrek is love.

>Shrek is life.

[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]]

[[Category:Shrek]]

[[Category:Blatant Ripoffs]]

[[Category:Bad Fanfiction]]

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