Sonic.EXE: Re-EXEcuted

Author’s Note: Hey, hey! It’s McRibber729, back at it again with another pasta. Well, this one is technically not mine. It’s a retake of the infamous Sonic.EXE! Now you may have questions about the sequel to The Banana. The sequel will be titled: the Eggplant! ..Yeah, can you tell what this is gonna be like? Well, the story is slate to release sometime in August, or July if y’all are lucky. I’ve been trying to start it, but due to writer’s block and final exams, it’s been taking long. So, I made this to not make you guys hungry. Enjoy my own personal retake!

Intro: Hey there everybody, the name’s Tom. I’m fresh out of high school, and a pretty big Sonic fan, my best friend, Kyle also Iikes Sonic, and that’s how we met all the way back in first grade. So, a few weeks ago Kyle sent me a executable file through email, with the attachment titled: “SONIC” saying it was shitty and edgy as all hell, and that I should play it when I had the chance for fun. Now, I’m not one for ROM hacks as they don’t really add to the experience for me and really have one gimmick for me. But this seemed intriguing, especially since it was just titled “Sonic”. I loaded the file into an emulator and got ready. It was a bit off putting to say the least. The game started out with a modified title screen, with Sonic being a bit.. Off. I’m not too sure why, but something sorta creeped me out about him, the way he smiled, and his eyes were weird looking, looking a bit dark tinted. When I clicked the enter button, Sonic stared at me with black eyes and red pupils, and blood dripping down his face. Yikes, Kyle was right, this game was full of edge already. The Sonic 3 character select screen was in this, despite being a Sonic 1 ROM Hack. There were three characters, being: Tails, Knuckles, and… Eggman? That was an interesting pick, and I couldn’t wait to see how he would play! For some reason, Knuckles & Eggman were locked, and only Tails was playable. Where was Sonic? Was the plot of the hack to find Sonic as all of these characters and beat their levels to find Sonic? Well, only one way to find out.

Azure Hills / Tails Level: I clicked on Tails’ slot, and quickly after, a sadistic laugh came out of my computer’s speakers. Why did that happen? Was that supposed to scare me or something? Whatever, as my computer tried processing the level, I saw the title: “Azure Hills: Act 1” It looked like Green Hill Zone, but blue-tinted. As I kept traversing through the landscape as Tails, I noticed something. The game seemed to be made from scratch, as I couldn’t fly, I couldn’t spin dash, the graphics were incredibly laggy, and there were no enemies. There were offputting depictions of animal corpses, with their guts ripped out and entrails hanging. I don’t know what kind of sick fuck would make something like this and not make the game actually good. But hey, at least it was edgy like Kyle said it would be. Finally, I had found Sonic turned his back, as I started running towards him, he had quickly stared at me with red eyes until teleporting me to him.

After this, a message popped up reading: “Heya Tails! Wanna play a game with your hero?”

Huh, neat.

Hide and Seek: After the message, I was sent to a new zone titled: “Hide and Seek” oddly enough, it took place in a burning Green Hill Zone, without said blue tint. I ran through the burning hills as Tails, who now looked incredibly paranoid and nervous. I felt a little bad for the poor fox, scared and lost without his hero. The graphics had a boost, but not the lag or text unfortunately. It looked like art of the characters. Suddenly, Sonic appeared like he did in the title screen with rusted shoes, while holding a ripped apart Metal Sonic. ..And then he started chasing me.

Welp, this was gonna suck for Tails.

The drowning music started playing, as Sonic got closer to Tails, the music started getting more and more offputting. Sonic then hit me, causing Tails to trip. Tails looked emotionless, like he knew his time was up. But then, when Sonic spawned out of nowhere, Tails started trying to run, and whimpered until Sonic grabbed him, and ripped his spine out, and stuffed the open part with Metal Sonic’s body causing him to scream. The game transitioned into a black screen, while a game over jingle from one of the games played. Then a message popped up reading: “Aw, looks like you were too slow? Wanna tRy AgAiN..?”

Intermission 1: Jeez, that was graphic. Even for such an edgy game, it still put me on edge. Where did Kyle even find this crap? The screen over Tails had his face bloodied and fused with half of Metal’s, and his stomach being half burnt, and half of Metal’s rocket. Well, that was kinda spooky, but cool. I sorta just laughed due to the absurdity of it all. Anywho now, I clicked the slot of Knuckles. That same laugh erupted throughout the background. Was the creator of the game out of ideas or something? Welp, here we go.

Running is Futile:

The act read: “Running is Futile” Wait a second, I thought Sonic games were all about running! Now the game was telling me running had no point? Well, that’s dumb. The act took place in a coal mine, with red crystals. Knuckles could punch, and glide like he usually could, unlike Tails not being able to fly. As I walked through the act, blood started flying out of nowhere, and enemies were hanging from their guts. Then suddenly, the red eyed Sonic appeared again, and tried to attack Knuckles, however, Knuckles quickly punched him in the jaw, sending him flying, Knuckles then spin dashed Sonic. Knuckles kept attacking, until this gore teared Sonic quickly became normal, and this Sonic begged: “Please Knuckles stop! It’s only me Sonic, calm down dude!” Knuckles had walked closer to Sonic trying to heal him, until “Sonic” had dropped the facade and kicked Knuckles’ skull in, causing it to be exposed. Knuckles let out a quick, sort of cut off yelp. Then another message appeared: “No matter if you kill me or not, I always win, cause it’ll hurt him instead.”

Well, shit.

Intermission 2: Knuckles had it better than Tails I gotta admit, only getting his skull exposed. Speaking of, Knuckles’ slot was now locked, and his skull was split through his head, and his eyes were burnt, bubbling and ripped. Again, it was locked. The only slot left was Robotnik’s, and I’m gonna be honest, I was kinda scared to click. Even if it was just a game I didn’t wanna see these characters be ripped to shreds. But whatever, I had to progress no matter what, and it wasn’t gonna get any better if I didn’t progress.

Let’s get this over with.

“…”:

As I clicked on Robotnik’s slot, I noticed something odd. His face dropped in a sense of fear as soon as I clicked on him. The typical laugh played, however it was louder, and more drawn out. The act slot read: “…” as if it was missing text. Were the devs lazy or something? The zone took place in Scrap Brain, and Robotnik quickly stopped, and saw the Tails Doll sitting down. Tails Doll started flying quickly, and the game prompted me to have Robotnik follow. Robotnik

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