Sonic.exe but I wrote it from memory

Hi. I'm Tom. I like Sonic. I like modern Sonic. I'm fine with classic Sonic, though. I've never played glitchy or hacked games, except I did. One day, my best friend Cartman sent me a letter (an actual, physical letter, through the postal system, like a fucking troglodyte) with a CD and a note. It read:

   Dear Tom...

Please destroy this disc. I can't because they/them'll notice.

 Happy Trails,
   Stan

I then looked at the disc my best friend who I have presumably known and trusted for years told me to destroy, noticed it had "SONIC.EXE" written on it, and completely ignored my friend's instruction because I have the attention span of a hummingbird and want to play some Sonic. I popped the disc into my computer's disc hole and ran it. Then the Sonic 1 title screen appeared and I soyfaced so hard. I hit start and the game flashed a spooky image for 0.0833 seconds. Despite this appearing in the amount of time it takes for a fly to blink, I can fully recollect what it looks like. The water was red (the color of BLOOD), the sky was black, the 1991 was 666, the hole Sonic pops out of looked like a rusty bathroom drain, and, (worst of all) Sonic's weird-ass mono-eye was black with red (the color of BLOOD) pupils. That or he just got back from the optometrist and his mono-eye is dilated.

The title screen faded away and stayed on a black screen for 2/60ths of a minute. When it faded back in, it showed the save screen from Sonic 3 (not Sonic & Knuckles or Sonic 3 & Knuckles) with a red (the color of BLOOD) cloudy background. I listened to the music and recognized it. It was from (INSERT SCARY PIECE OF MEDIA TO MAKE STORY SEEM SCARY BY COMPARISON)! There were 3 save slots each containing Tails (or Miles if you're from some godless country that isn't the US), Knuckles, and- *record scratch* *freeze frame* Dr. Robotnik? *the intro to "I Got You" by James Brown plays* I thought Dr. Robotnik was never playable in any official sonic game (unless you count Sonic Drift 2), and this definitely seems official! The save slots all had locks on them except Tails, so I moved the cursor over and selected him.

When I hit A, the screen erupted into red (the color of BLOOD) static. Then, the zone intro played, revealing this level's name: "HILL ACT 1". The level began, and I was playing as Tails in Green Hill. A very flat Green Hill, as there was nothing to do but run forwards. The music was some reversed song, because everything's scarier when played backwards. I pressed the right arrow on my keyboard (as will become tradition around here) and commanded Tails forward. What followed was 5 minutes of jack shit happening, just a seemingly endless Green Hill to run around to my (and Tails') heart's content. I could tell this is what Tails wanted to do because his sprite looked like he was enjoying himself. Why I didn't CTRL+ALT+DEL out of this walking simulator and smash the disk like Kenny told me to, I don't know. At the end of these 5 minutes was a surprise.

The surprise was dead animals. lots of them. Disemboweled critters were scattered across the landscape, in a myriad of ways. A diorama of two Flickies ramming into a stack of Pickies, an inside out Tocky, A Clucky doing the backbreaker on a Micky, the works. This was not to my (or Tails') heart's content. I could tell because Tails' sprite was visibly shook by these gory sights. That and Tails is 8, and the most grievous injury he's probably seen beforehand is a sprained ankle. Despite my caring for Tails as a person, I pressed on just for shits and giggles. After another 5 minutes (during which there were even more unique displays of woodland atrocity I can't be fucked to describe, Tails careened to a halt upon sighting his hero, Sonic, standing in a clearing (Clearing as in "no corpses" not "no trees", there were hella trees). Sonic looked like a straight badass silently crossing his arms with his eyes closed, seemingly unaffected by the carnage. Suddenly, I decided just now that playing this game was against my best interest and I went to move Tails away. Tough titty, because the game was in a cutscene randomly. Tails walked towards Sonic for what felt like an eternity (it was actually 8 seconds, I counted), with red (the color of BLOOD) static and white noise slowly fading in as he approached. Suddenly, Sonic opened his eyes to reveal that they were black with red (the color of BLOOD) pupils, and the screen cut to black. A text box popped up in your usual Sonic font (seeing as this is a usual Sonic game), reading as follows: Dear Tom... Hello. Want to "play"?

 Best Wishes,
   Very Real and Not Possessed Sonic.

(Will be continued soon)