The Complete Truth About Neon Genesis Evangelion: Difference between revisions
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The Complete Truth About Neon Genesis Evangelion (view source)
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{{note|[[The Expanded Truth About Neon Genesis Evangelion|For the previous one, click here]]}}
[[File:The Complete Truth Behind Neon Genesis Evangelion.jpg|thumb|300px|THE TRUE FINAL BATTLE FOR TOKYO-3!!!!!!!!!]]
EXCERPT FROM LOCAL NEWSPAPER: MAN'S HOUSE EXPLODED MYSTERIOUSLY! 1 DEAD AND 3 HURT!
I'm a local crime scene investigator, and I've been solving crimes for the last 20 years now, but nothing has boggled me like this explosion case. What caused it? There was no evidence of any explosive materials around, so what caused it? The only surviving item in the house, was an old video tape about some shit labelled:
I then started to do some research about these mysterious explosions. I found an article about a similar case in Japan, known as the GAINAX Explosion. I had to do some digging though before I could find anything interesting. I found the victems internet history to see if I could find anything worth while. He did have something of value. He met a user who had a tape. I visited this user. I spoke with him, and he was suprisingly easy to get information out of. He says that he was a former GAINAX employee, an intern to be exact. He also showed me another tape he had. I took this tape, and took it back to the station.
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It said: Previously on Neon Genesis Evangelion. It then showed skrillex and DeadMau5 throwing a mau5 head at Gendo. Then it showed a building getting luanched at Asuka, before Gendo eats Rei. I was horrified at the sight. I knew that Gendo was more than just a villian on the show; he was pure evil.
It then displayed Tokyo- 3. Then a voice could be heard saying:
Ramiel then shrunk into the palm of Gendo's hand, AND THEN GENDO ATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GENDO THEN RIPPED HIS PANTS RIGHT OFF, AND REVEALED HIS ASS TO THE CAMERA! His ass was so realistic looking, it made me puke in my mouth. I then looked closer into the eye of Gendo's butthole. THERE WERE LOTS OF TINY SHARDS OF BITTEN RAMIEL IN THERE! EVERYONE WAS GONNA DIE FROM GENDO'S ASS GUN! Then skrillex turned up his bass real hard! THE WAVES OF THE SICK AS SHIT BEATS REFLECTED THE SHARDS BACK AT HIM!
THIS WAS THE FINAL BATTLE FOR TOKYO- 3! PEN PEN SHOT LAZERS EVERYWHERE! TOKYO- 3 WAS CRUMBLING UNDER THE WRATH OF THE PENGUIN OVERLORD! HE OPENED HIS MOUTH, AND MP EVAS FLOODED THE ENTIRE CITY! Skrillex had a genious idea. He said:
EVERYONE WAS FUCKED NOW! THEY WERE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MISATO LAUNCHED MORE HELLFIRE MISSLES, RITZUKO SHOT MORE GRENADE CRACKERS, IT WASN'T WORKING. ONLY FEW LAYERS OF THIS MASSIVE BEAST COULD BE TAKEN OUT AT A TIME! SKRILLEX LAUNCHED HIS DICK BASS CANNON, AND COMBINED IT WITH EVERYONE ELSE'S POWERS! He pumped up his bass penis really hard, and shot out! This resulted in a barrage of bass blasted cracker hellstorm greande missles! Pen Pen was hurt badly, but not out yet! All of the combined EVAs combined with him shot out something of their own! They shot out GENDO MISSLES! GENDOS RAINED DOWN ONTO OUR HEROES! Ritzuko and Miasto had an idea. CRACKER HELLFIRE MISSLES WERE LAUNCHED, AND ALL OF THE TINY GENDOS WERE DEFEATED! MORE GENDOS WERE LAUNCHED WITH THE ROAR OF PEN PEN! Too bad Misato & Ritzuko were outnumbered by the missles, and were getting rained upon by un attentive fathers!
They were doomed, EXCEPT FOR ONE SMALL THING! Suddenly, out of nowhere, SHINJI SHOWED UP! Pen Pen laughed at the sight of Shinji. Shinji turned quickly, and looked at Skrillex. He then said:
THEN AN EXPLOSION WENT OFF IN THE SKY! IT WAS DEADMAU5, REI, AND THE REST OF THE EVAS! THEY WERE SAVED! That small boost was what had saved the now destroyed Tokyo- 3 from a total massacre! THE WHOLE CREW WAS NOW GENDO PROOF! Pen Pen's MP EVAs exploded off of him, and were falling to pieces! THE AMOUNTS OF SICKNESS IN THESE BEATS WERE TOO MUCH! All of the Gendos formed again into regular Gendo as he fell down to the ground. The floor started to open! It was the door to Hell! Then Evil Pen Pen and Gendo were being dragged back to Hell by none other than ASUKA SATAN! The ground then sealed back up again. Tokyo- 3 had been saved! It ended with Shinji looking down, and bringing his head up to look at the camera. He then says:
I remembered what happened to the two other people who watched one of these. I was ready for the explosion. The credits ended though, and nothing happened. I was releived now. I then got up to continue to the police station.
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THE ONLY REMAINING EVIDENCE WAS A MESSAGE SPELT OUT IN BLOOD SAYING: EVERYONE'S NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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