The Passion 2 - Clout Requiem: Difference between revisions
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'''CHAPTER 1:''' Avocadoland
'''CHAPTER 2:''' MoshFest 03'
Author's Note: Please '''do not attempt''' any of the actions in this narrative. Any humor based on a real subject is for '''SATIRE ONLY''', and not to be taken seriously. Mature content ahead, '''VIEWER DESCRISION ADVISED.'''
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Total Dollars: '''100,000$'''
'''<big>Chapter 2: MoshFest 03'</big>'''
"Okay, come on in."
I walked into Critikal's office. He had become the CEO about 3 months ago after hearing the G-Fuel sponsorship we had, to which he's ran all our schedules. He was sitting with hundreds of paper airplanes stacked in a corner under a wall-basketball net. It took me a minute to muster the courage to ask him this.
...
He raised his eyebrow at me. "Can I help you, Agent Protag?"
"Oh, Uhh are we off on Saturday?"
"Yes, why?"
"That's MoshFest."
"Ahh, I thought you were that type of guy. It's 2003?"
"Yeah."
"So, MoshFest 03' then, right. Sure, have fun."
I turned to walk away, but turned back around through a spin, then to Charlie.
"Wait, you sure you don't wanna come with us?"
"Only if Gangrene Green does a cover of Skynut, otherwise no."
"Oh, come on! It's the biggest nu-metal event of the century since MoshFest 02'!"
"Yes, AND, and it's gonna be broadcasted live on TV, I can just watch it in the office. Plus, 250,000 people? PPPFFFFT, fuck that."
"Okay fine. But I'm bringing Michael and Keyshawn-."
"PROTAG! ...We don't use first names at this establishment, rule number 94."
"Understood, kay bye!"
"See ya on the Telly!" Critikal signed off.
'''(DOOR SLAM)'''
Saturday was tomorrow, and tomorrow night was MoshFest 03'. Every year, they close off the airport for a night and set up the stage in an airplane hanger. The crowds were hilariously ridiculous, but well worth seeing our favorite bands at. Me, Michael, and Nut were gonna be there, right in the front, right in the moshpit. Hopefully we wouldn't get trampled or anything like that.
'''THE NEXT EVENING, MOSHFEST 03''''
We parked the car in the grass parking lot, the only patch of grass in sight at the event. There were kegstands everywhere, ruthlesses bouncing on cars, and the stage was like a mile away. I could hear Orgy's "Blue Monday" playing in the distance, and I could see the up and down head-banging of the crowd as the chorus blaired:
''HOW DOES IT FEEL, HOW SHOULD I FEEL, HOW DOES IT FEEL, TO TREAT ME LIEK YOU DOO''
We pushed heads outta the way getting towards the moshpit to have the same done to our heads, and kick some ass, and sniff the holy oder of music, some of the worst ever made, but still music.
All the big dogs were there, Slipknot, Korn, Deftones, and Rage Against The Machine. However while RATM was on stage, something happen while they were playing "Testify".
ONES WHO TWARVEL DNOW IN COFFENS
ON DA CORNA- (inhales)
DA JUREYS SLEEPLESS, (coughing)
WE FOUND YA, (cough,cough) weakNESS
And ET'S LEFT IN, -side ya door now,
Testif... (FALLS TO THE GROUND)
Zach de la Rocha fell to the ground unconcise and was taken to the hospital, they said he simply ran outta breath.
The next band to perform was Limp Bizkit, but while they were about to play, Fred Durst noticed us from the concert last year, and started spouting off about the last few bands to play.
'''9 Teen 90 Nine''' by LIMP BIZKIT playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOn5DhFRyZY
They then delved into 9 Teen 90 Nine, and then crowd went all-out-crazy-frickin-alive-undead-life!
3 hours later, it was the last band to play, the best one. '''Gangrene Green'''! They got on stage, all four a' them, and stuff got wild.
"OH MI GOD, ITS JAIDEN FRIENDLY!!!" I screamed.
"OH HOLI SHTI!" Michael responded.
"HES SO HOT!"
"I KNO RIGHT?!"
<big>"JAIDEN WE LOVE YOU!!!"</big>
Something strange I noticed was that Mixed Nut was completely silent while we were wailing whales.
Right off the bat, they launched into my favorite song of all time.
<big>"MoshFest 200-mothafuckin'-three!</big> <big><big>SPIN THAT DREADCROW!"</big></big>
(NU-METAL RIFF, SLAP BASS, UNNECCESARY TURNTABLE SCRATHCES)
The whole crowd was bumping into each other cuz everybody, AND I MEAN EVERYBODY, was Spinning that Dreadcrow! The only one not, was Nut.
After the song was over, they were about to do a cover Skynut, but DJ Fumeslayer noticed someone familiar in the crowd, and grabbed a tiny little mic, and walked over to where Jaiden was.
He spoke with a robotic Stephen-Hawking voice. "MR. FRIENDLY, I SEEMINGLY RECOGNIZE A HUMAN IN THE CROWD."
"Who was it, Fumeslayer?"
"OVER THERE, THE HUGE COOKIE."
Jaiden looked down, and saw Mixed Nut, who looked back at him with a surprised frown like Eminem face.
"...Keyshawn?"
"Friendly?"
"...You little SHHHHH-!" Shaun Conman stopped him from lunging into the crowd.
"Jaiden, please. We'll settle this accordingly."
A reluctant Jaiden Friendly invited Nut on the stage. "Okay, let's see what verse's you got, Mixed Nut."
The crowd soared, and Nut equally angerly walked on stage.
I asked Michael, "Why are they so angry towards each other?"
"Mixed Nut and Jaiden Friendly had a beef a while ago, don't know why. I think they're about ta do a rap battle."
Nut walked on stage, and was standing on the left side of the stage, and Friendly on the other side.
"Alright, DJ Fumeslayer! Get me a beat! ...COME ON!"
BEAT by Valentine Beats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xpu7zuIEuO8
They warmed up as the hook played, giving each other scare quick jumps, strutting shoulders, and Jaiden went first:
'''Jaiden Friendly:'''
''AYO,''
MIXED NUT'S AN ASSHOLE
EVERYBODY KNOWS DIS,
BUT WHAT HE DONT KNOW TODAY'S
THAT THIS DISS GON END THIS
WE GO BACK A WHILE
BACK TO SALAD DAYS
THE DAYS WEN WE WOULD SIT
AND HE'D PICK THE BUGGERS OUTTA HIS NOSE
NOT JUST THAT, THIS COOKIE DOUGH-MADE-ASS
LOOKIN MOTHA FUCKA GOT NO GOOD DRAWRS, HOW'D I KNOW THIS?
HE TOLD ME! HE AINT STRAIT,
AINT STRAIT UP GANGSTA
MAYBE STRAIT UP PRANKSTA
MORE LIKE PRANKSTA VICTAM!
DOES IT LOOK LIEK HES BOUTA WIN
SCREW THIS SHIT, HE DONT GOT IT
TREMBELING MESS OF QUICKSAND
QUICKSAND, QUICKSHITTER, TAKES A SHIT
DONT GOT NO BALLS,
I'VE WATCH YOU THROW POOP ON THE WALLS
LOOK INTO DEEZ EYES, I SAY
YOU SAY DEEZ NUTS, YOUR IMMATURE
AINT GOT NO IDEA OF WHAT THE FUCK YOU DON TO ME
HEY AUDIENCE, TAKE A LOOKSEE
HELLOSKI!
IT LOOKS LIKE MIXED NUT AINT GOT NO MORE POUSKI!
''
<big>''("AAOOOOOOOOOOOAHAHOOAHAHAHHAOAAOAOAAH, WHAT HE GONNA DO!?"'')</big>
(Same beat is used)
'''Mixed "Keyshawn" Nut:'''
''WHADUP,''
OH, SO YOU THINK YOUR TOUGH,
HEY MOTHAFUKAS, STEP RIGHT UP STEP RIGHT UP
TO BECOME THE WORLD'S FIRST PERSON TO DISS MIXED NUT
SITTING THERE WHILE YOU BUST A NUT
YOU THINK ABOUT BUSTIN A NUT IN YOUR HEAD
BUT THE PROBLEM ISNT THAT THE CROWD IS HERE
NO, THATS FINE, THATS ALL GOOD
IT'S JUST THAT YOUR HEADS JUST SO FULL OF NUT ALREADY
AND NOT JUST THAT, ITS FULL A MEMORIES FROM THE TIMES
YOU THINK ABOUT ME DISSIN YOU, BELIEVE ME IT MUST
BE A PAIN, TO THINK ABOUT ALL THIS
SHIT, BUT BELIEVE ME IT'S REAL, HOMIE
LOOK IN THA MEIROR, HYPOCRITE, HYUPO-HYPOCRITE
SEE YOURSELVE AT THAT TIME WE WERE WATCHING THE SPIN THAT DREADCROW VIDEO
YOU HAD ME AS A MANNIQUIN AT ARBYS, WHY?
WHY THO? YOU CLAIM SATIRE
BUT IT'S ACTUALLY CUZ YOU LIKE IT!
WEENIE HUT JUINOR LOOKIN ASS
DISNEY JUINOR LOOKIN ASS
RACHEL LOOKIN ASS
MOTHAFUKIN UP INSIDE THE MINDS OF THESE PEOPLES
Man I'm so sorry, really.
OH but hey!
YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT ME HOOKIN UP WITH YOUR ANKHA, Friendly Peoples!
<big><big>'''''(AOOAOOOOOHOOOHAOAOHAHOAOHAOHAHOAHOAHAAOAHOAOHA)'''''</big></big>
As you may have guessed, Mixed Nut won the battle. Even me and Michael were clearly AOOOHHing. But as Nut began to walk off stage, something happened.
'''''(PUNCH, PUNCH, KICK, HIT)'''''
Out of nowhere, Shawn Conman began beating the shit outta Mixed Nut, and the audience got up onto the stage, and several huge fights broke out. Somebody kicked the TV Camera, so the whole event was just happening there and only there. It was abominable.
I don't know exactly what happened, but after 5 minutes I was able to get our man Mixed Nut outta there, and we ran backstage, through the other bands, accidentally bumped into Fred Durst, and jumped over a huge fence.
We eventually got to a street, where I got a call from Critikal.
"Yeah?"
"Wow, holy shit! That was quite the blow up!" he said enthusiastically.
"What? Nothing happened it-..."
I realized Charlie had been watching MoshFest on the TV the whole time. He saw the whole thing.
"Boss! It wasn't our fault! I-It was a misunderstanding!"
"No, not that! Agent Nut's verses were FLY-EYE!"
"Critikal you don't understand! WE ALMOST DIED OUT THERE!"
"Oh, all I saw was a bunch of people getting in a fight on stage, then the camera went to Technical Difficulties. See you at headquarters tomorrow."
(HANGS UP)
I started to hear sirens and hundreds of News and TMZ vans flying by us, and a helicopter flying over to the stage.
'''MISSION PASSED:'''
'''MoshFest 03'!'''
'''Achievements:'''
The More You Know '''+80!'''
TMZaaeh! '''+100!'''
Dollars earnt: -10$
Total Dollars: '''99,990$'''
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