SpongeBob, the Lost Episode (AKA "Are we really writing this crap again?)

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Have you heard of SpongeBob SquarePants? It's a children's show, about a talking undersea sponge, and his starfish friend, PATRIXXX. They do some silly little things, and it's a cute show overall. Right?

Wrong. SpongeBob has a horrible secret behind it, one that I discovered one fateful day when flipping through channels on my T.V. I happened to end up on an episode of SpongeBob SquarePants. I liked the show, so I thought I'd watch it.

The first odd thing I noticed was that the episode's title card was written in hyper-realistic blood, and it spelled out "Your life is a fucking lie. Screw you, you miserable little bastard. Your family hates you. Your friends hate you. Your pets hate you. The fucking president hates you. I HATE YOU, AND YOU SHOULD FUCKING DIE YOU LITTLE DIRTBAG!!!!!"

I thought it was kind of out of place for a SpongeBob episode, but I paid no attention to it. The next weird thing is that, when the episode started, everybody had hyper-realistic eyes, except for PATRIXXX, whose eyes were hyper-hyper-realistic. SpongeBob walked on screen, and his face was covered in hyper-hyper-hyper realistic blood. He walked up to PATRIXXX, who was busy sacrificing a virgin to a Sun God. I thought a Sun God being in a SpongeBob episode was a little weird, but whatever.

SpongeBob then said to PATRIXXX, "Hey, PATRIXXX! You know what I'm gonna do today? I'm gonna find a bunch of fuckin' hyper-realistic trees, shove my mega-realistic cock through their ultra-realistic holes, and spew a lot of sea salt cum down their omni-realistic tree bark!"

Again, I thought this was a little weird.

PATRIXXX turned to SpongeBob, and said, "That's cool, moron."

I was disgusted. I turned off the T.V, threw it out of my window, beat the remains with a baseball bat, ran those remains over with my truck, put the resulting small fragments in a grinder, took the resulting smaller fragments and chucked them into a furnace, incerated the bits into even littler bits, took the resulting ash and incerated it into double-ash, stored it in an urn blessed by Saint Peter, and locked the urn in a safe.

How could a Spongebob episode say "moron"? That's so offensive!

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