Spongebob Episode 1 and 1/2: The Summoning

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It's just a joke, bro!!

The following page may contain outlandish humor regarding certain public figures/companies. The content of this website is purely fictional and satirical; what is presented in this story is false. Thus this should not be taken seriously whatsoever.

Sometimes, I feel like a spider, just barely hanging onto it's web with an everlasting fire burning beneath me

January 7th, 2004

The day started off ordinarily enough. To get started, i'll tell you who I am and what my situation is. My name is Jeff Gronkowski, and i'm a worker at Nickolodeon. It was about noon when I was told a higher up was going to show us ideas for a new direction for Spongebob to take, and in a few minutes, I made my way into a room with a circular table, and in front of it, a projector.

"Greetings, gentlemen. I assume you were all briefed on what today's meeting is about." 

We all nodded. With that said, he turned on the projecter and an episode of Spongebob began to play. It just seemed off somehow, like Spongebob looked sadder than usual. As he exited the Krusty Krab after work, Patrick just joined him, but no words were exchanged. At first, I thought this was just a special Halloween episode, or something. But boy was I wrong. After thirty seconds of just walking side by side, the two began to chant.

"Dal zumal phara-lo lierra!" "Dal zumal phara-lo lierra!" "Dal zumal phara-lo lierra!"

The chanting stopped when the pair arrived at Squidward's house. The camera then, panned to Squidward, facing away from the camera, looking into a mirror in a near pitch black room. He then turned, and the sight shocked me. Most of the skin on his face had been torn off, replaced by a hyper realistic red color. Spongebob and Patrick made their way up the stairs, and lifted Squidward's corpse, putting it into the bathtub, where they mutilated it and spilled blood all over the floor of the bathroom, making a pentagram. The episode then ended with the two leaving the house and heading for Sandy's dome, again chanting. Everyone clapped, but I just... blanked out. This was sick. Everyone in the room then turned their gaze to me, so I started clapping along with them, to make it less awkward. Something is definitely wrong. I had an hour left of work after that and it was horribly uncomfortable. Everyone seemed to be watching me. As per usual, I stole my coworker's lunch. His name is Steve, and he is a cunt. I will update when I can.

January 10th, 2004

I almost forgot about all of this, strangely enough, in the past three days. That was until I got a call from my coworker Stan this morning. He was a pretty down to earth and chill guy. And that's why the call was unsettling. Here's how it went:

Stan: What was wrong with you at the meeting the other day?

Me: That episode was fucking sick and despicable- 

Stan then cut me off, saying only "Oh.", accompanied by some shaking in the background, before hanging up. 

An hour later, I went to work. Things only got worse, and it was my fault for not quitting sooner. I found and stole a copy of the episode mentioned in the last post. Work was even worse. At times, people would just stop what they are doing and stare me down. I'd say, "Hey, what's up?" or something, but I never got an answer from them.

That day when I got home, things got even worse. I mustered up the courage to watch it myself. It had picked up where the previous episode had left. Same chanting as before. When Spongebub and Patrick got to Sandy's house, Sandy came outside and said "Hey, y'all! What brings you here today?" Spongebob and Patrick exchanged glances before pulling knifes on Sandy and stabbing her to death, with gruesome hyper realistic blood spraying out of her. I couldn't look, I was so scared. i shit. This episode ended with them dragging Sandy off, chanting again, but this time it was different.

"Cast open the gates that lie betwixt heaven and earth."

"In exchange for the life of the sacrifices."

Ho-lee fuck. Well, tonight's a work night and I gotta take sleep. I will update again soon.

January 11th, 2004

I am so pissed. This morning an hour ago, I got a call from my boss. He said he's firing me. God damn it! I went in today to collect my stuff, and shit. Something beyond fucking insane happened. I drove by a residential neighborhood, as I usually do on my way to work. I was passing through "Skeltal Avenue", when I saw a pale, sickly man staring at me through a window at a red light. He looked dead. Scratch that, he had to be dead. I wanted to just hit the gas and drive off, but I also didn't want a ticket. So, fast forward a few hours, to just a few minutes ago. I was shaving last night in the bathroom when I had looked up to examine my face. The mirror showed all of my skin just falling off, peeling, it was horrible, it was gross. I could feel my face though, it seemed fine. I am going batshit crazy. I'm checking into a mental hospital.

April 23rd, 2004

Yesterday, I was released from St Patrick's Mental Institute. But the treatment I got there only made it worse. Every night, i'd hear that chanting. But sometimes, I get the feeling that the Spongebob episodes were just the beginning. Some kind of entity behind all this wanted me to see it, and so they chose something I see frequently as a sort of place to reach me. Why do I think this? At around 4:38 every night, the others in the hospital would get up in chant. The chants from the episodes. Boy, am I glad to be free.

April 30th, 2004

I had forgot about this blog for about a week, until last night. It came to me in a dream. "E'vets." it said. "That is my name." "I want your help." "Come back to the institution, tomorrow night, on Halloween, and say my name at exactly midnight. It'll summon me into your realm." That day when I woke up, I received a text from the number 666. "Meet me tomorrow night. We have unfished business.

April 31st, Halloween 2004

I drove to St Patricks Mental Hospital of Health Hospital and waited for midnight. I chanted it's name at the exact right time, but nothing happened until about 30 minutes later. I saw a tall, imposing figure coming straight for me. I knew I had succeeded then, and I let it approach. It picked me up by my neck and spoke in a familiar tone.

"Stop stealing my fucking lunch, Jeff."

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