Super Larry Boy 2: Bob's conquest of essential oils
Before I begin I am legally obligated to tell you by my legal team that this is not created nor affiliated with anyone at Big Idea Entertainment. Nor will you read about weird and odd things that might of or might of not happened I guess. Examples such as me crapping myself into space, being forced to read the book of Leviticus, having to endure cringy christian songs that make me unalive inside, or have random celebrity inserts in this story. You will also not hear references to random stuff like that one time Batman was forced by the riddler to read the terms and conditions to play Family Feud with show host Steve Harvey.
My last story cost me all my money and sanity, my dignity, my limited edition sparkly chick fil a sauce, my Larry Boy merchandise, my Larry Boy merchandise coupons, My Larry Boy body pillow. Pretty much anything they could take, I lost. That stupid dumb Jehovah's Witness ratted me out while I was playing the game and I was kidnapped by Big Idea Entertainment. (Don't ask why.) They got a pretty good kick out of pouring the limited edition sparkly Chick Fil A sauce all over their chicken and forced me to watch them eat with their Chick Fil A chicken nuggets as we drove through the Lincoln Tunnel. There was a huge traffic jam there which gave them more time to eat it in front of my eyes. Then they took me through the sea of twirly swirly gumdrops, and after that through the seven levels of the candy cane forest.
After a drive that lasted 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 Dog time seconds I was placed in a room that didn't have much in it. Except for a Windows 98 Desktop. Before I could process anything else a voice came on the speaker.
"Due to your inability to process its vegetation vibes you have been allowed access to the program that's installed on that computer. We would use other subjects but unfortunately they could not resist its awesomeness. It would cause them to either foam at the mouth. Produce ungodly amounts of Diarrhea, or burst into song and dance to Silly Songs with Larry."
"I love silly song wi-"
"WE ARE NOT DOING SILLY SONGS WITH LARRY PEASANT!!!!!!! BE A GOOD BOY AND PLAY THE GAME MR. GREGORY PASTARONI!"
"Jeez, fine." I mumbled, I am immensely bummed just like Buddy the Elf when he was bummed about that one time the Santa he met in the Mall wasn't actually Santa, but a man who sat on a sweet, cruel throne of lies.
I went ahead and did as he said and started up the game. It was the Rock on Larry boy song like in the previous game only to have the title:
Super Larry Boy 2: Bob's Conquest of Essential Oils.
What was Bob up to this time? Wasn't he controlled by Jezebel in the last one? What was he oiling up now? I pressed start. Annoyed that I'm here in the first place I went ahead and made a new game. The game intro displayed all of my favorite scenes from the Larry Boy franchise. The montage ended when it displayed my facecam of me playing the previous Larry Boy game! I gotta say... How come I wasn't getting any hugs? Like? Has anyone seen me? I look gorgeous! Man all the good Proverbs 31 Women are missing out! If my looks could be a book of the Bible I would be the Book of Numbers! Rolling in all the phone numbers everywhere I go!
Anyway after I daydreamed of all the Mulah I could make off my face the level started. This time it started out in Larry Boy's super duper tubular secret base. I got into the Larrymobile and blasted off to my mission. I went to the tallest building in Bumblyburg, the Bumblyburg empire state building! I found Bob standing at the top of it holding the Necronomicon once more. Speaking heresies and barbecue sauce into the air as usual.
"Bob!" Larryboy shouted at the tomato.
Bob caught sight of him with disgust in his face. I don't blame him for his resentment for Larryboy at this point. He was always Larryboy's second cucumber and never ever got to take Barbara Manatee to the ball. It then switched to a space shooter style level with Bob continuing to speak random russian and gibberish into the air. The sky grows dark while thunder flashes all over the place. The sky clears up to reveal a giant big papa pickle. A health bar pops up with the boss name: FRED
Jeez you would think Bob would have something original by now but no wonder why he sucks. I paused the game for one second without thinking and blurted out, "Alexa, can you order me some Chick-Fil-A?" I was then greeted by the voice through the speakers.
"Ha! Nice try! Alexa doesn't respond to the likes of you!
"Ordering Chick-Fil-A"
"Wait wh-"
"Order sent, would you like your food delivered?"
I pondered for a moment.
"Yes please!"
"Thank you for your order."
"How the he-"
Before the guy on the speaker could say anything a Chick-Fil-A employee appeared out of nowhere with my food and drink in hand.
"Here you go sir!"
"HOW DID HE GET IN???"
"Thank you sir!"
"My pleasure!"
The Chick-Fil-A employee vanished as soon as he appeared.
"HOW. DID. HE. GET. IN??????? WAS ANYBODY CHECKING THE CAMERAS?"
"Yes sir but they show nothing."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY SHOW NOTHING YOU MEAN TO TELL ME ANYONE CAN JUST ORDER FOOD THROUGH OUR ALEXA AND JUST SOME RANDOM DUDE WILL JUST BRING IT TO THEM?"
While they were bickering and arguing amongst themselves I continued playing. The boss was much more difficult than I had imagined. Then again I'm guzzling down Waffle fries and chicky nuggies while fighting a giant pickle. Speaking of which, I'm in a big pickle now. Down to the last bit of my health while fighting this guy I was about to lose until I realized I had a bomb button and several bombs waiting to be used. After I used one he went down in a pinch! Unsurprisingly for someone as good looking and godlike as I. After all, I am the Baconator! Master of anything bacon related! Did you know I also produced the son of Baconator? That was before Wendy's stole my idea and labeled it for copyright so I lost billions in royalties over that.
Another cutscene played and it showed Larry standing triumphantly over the poor ego broken tomato. However before Larry boy could cuff him Bob suddenly-
"COME ONE COME ALL!!! BUY THE WONDERFUL CURE FOR BALDNESS THAT'LL MAKE YOUR ANCESTORS ROLL IN THEIR GRAVES!!!!!! PRODUCED FROM THE OILY FOREHEAD OF KENNETH COPELAND HIMSELF!!!!!!!"
Oh no....
Another Kennieval bopilar ad.
What is it with these games and that man? Kerbopple polar bear has been on a rampage selling his sweat to millions of sheeple! He needs to either knock it off or God will curse him with the inability to sweat. I know, I saw my friend get turned into a one eyed newt!
On the plus side she got better.
Anyway that's not important
After that Kenneth Copeland ad, Bob appeared missing from the scene. Larryboy got back into his Larrymobile and chased after him. It then cut to a spinning Larryboy symbol as the game loaded the next level. This time Larryboy was chasing after Bob who was flying away on a magical graham cracker.
However before I could continue a stereotypical announcer comes up on the audio.
"Will Larryboy defeat his greatest foe yet?" "Find out after the launch of our super duper tubular ultraler kopuler spectacular mestacilur testosteroler roller coaster DLC!!!!!!!!"
After that the game just ended and the computer plays a bass boosted fart before erupting into flames. The computer then started blaring the song Oh where is my hairbrush?
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOP THAT COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!"
"OH WHEEEEEEEEERE IS MY HAIRBRUSH?"
"MAKE IT STOP!"
"OH WHEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR IS MY HAIRBRUSH?"
I began singing along to such awe inspiring music before the guy came back on.
"THAT'S IT! WE NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE!"
I was then transported back to my house with the instructions to never mention this ever again. I mean I just wrote this and have you read it anyway so that's besides the point.
Anyway that was stupid just like the last one. At least with this game everything began to make sense. I also believe why they made the games this way.
The Super vegans were immense haters of everyday vegetables and BIE wanted to make them more appealing to them, but they hate food, so in return they also hate life. They also hate your mom, they hate your mom's sister, your mom's brother, your mom's gooseneck candle collection, your mom's fake purple diamond collection, your mom's awesome and delicious baked apple pie, your mom's gucci fashion, your mom's Nikes, you mom's obsession with Batman, your mom's obsession with grilled cheese, your mom's clothes, your mom's fashion sense, your mom's cooking, your mom's philosophy on cooking, your mom's philosophy on how grocery store coupons should operate, your mom's obsession with essential oils.
Long story short mom's spaghetti lol.
| Comments • 1 |
Loading comments...
|
