THE FIRST TIME I EVER SHAT MYSELF
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NSFW WARNING
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THAT WAS DAY BEFORE THE NEXT DAY WHICH WAS NOT LIKE ANY OTHER DAY. THAT DAY (THE NEXT DAY) WAS THE DAY I SHIT MY PANTS FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. AND THIS WAS REALLY SIGNIFICANT, CONSIDERING I NEVER SHIT MY PANTS AS A BABY BECAUSE I HELD IT IN AND ALMOST DIED BUT IT WORKED OUT SO I'M OKAY AND I'M NOW 22 YEARS OLD. THE DAY I SHIT MY PANTS WAS AWFUL. I AM FINELY ACUTELY AWARE OF EVERY DETAIL.
ANYWAYS, I DON'T REMEMBER TOO MUCH ABOUT THAT DAY, EXCEPT THAT AT ONE POINT I WAS SITTING AT MY COMPUTER ABOUT TO BLOW A FAT ONE ALL ACTUALLY THAT PARTS NOT IMPORTANT. WHAT IS IMPORTANT WAS WHEN I TOTALLY ON ACCIDENT CLICKED ON THE AD THAT READ AS FOLLOWS:
"HEY SEXY IM NEIGHBOR 4.858684G235 MI AWAY FROM YOU TEXT ME FOR SEX ;);););)"
OH GOD, I'M HAVING A SERIES OF FLATULENCE-INDUCING STROKES JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT BRB 5 MIN.
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ALRIGHT I'M BACK GUYS NO WORRIES I'M FINE MY GIRLFRIEND SAID SO. SO AS SOON AS I CLICKED ON THE ADD, LIKE 83 PICTURES POPPED UP. THEY WERE HORRIBLE. ROTTING CORPSES, A MAN WITH TWO SEWN ON TOES ON HIS PENIS, ANOTHER MAN COOKED ALIVE, A BALD GUY, ETC...
I CRIED OUT FOR HELP FROM MY GIRLFRIEND, WHICH IN RETROSPECT WAS PROBABLY THE WORST DECISION I'VE EVER HAD, CONSIDERING SHE WALKED IN ON ME WITH MY EXPOSED GENITALS, CUM ON MY HAND, AND A BUNCH OF FUCKED UP PICTURES OF GORE AND DEATH ON MY COMPUTER SCREEN. WHEN SHE WALKED IN AND SAW ME, SHE IMMEDIATELY SHOT ME IN THE FACE WITH AN IRON-DILDO-GUN AND LEFT.
WHEN PEOPLE DIE THEIR BOWELS RELEASE ALL OVER THEM, SO THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I SHAT MYSELF... AS WELL AS THE LAST.
DON'T WATCH PORN, FOLKS.
Originally uploaded on May 13, 2015
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