THE SIMPSONS HAUNTED TAPE: THE CRIMSONS
Foreward: A sequel to DINO DIES, our intrepid author finds themselves kidnapped and forced to watch another spooky cartoon VHS tape. This time however, they find that they lay in the middle of a grand conspiracy.
To whom it may concern, I haven't been able to write in months, and soon, if I don't hurry up, I'll never be able to finish typing this. To get it out to the world, everyone must know...I am...dying. On cold hard tile flooring. Quickly, everything shall be explained....
Day in and day out, I have been folicking about my city very tirelessly and whimsically, stapling "GRIMSTONE WARNING" posters on every surface I could find. Poles, walls, cars, houses, benches, people! Although the authorities didn't like the last part, they've placed me on house arrest for "misconduct" as if I didn't do it for the greater good. So what if a few people got violence'd? I couldn't trust anyone in power. They'd try to silence me.
You see, ever since the evil and vile Dread Grimstone scarred my eyes and rang my ears with his foul words, I had to alert the people that the end times were near, and he would come for us all! But on to more pressing matters...
One day, I believe it was the 21st of July, I went downstairs in the middle of the night to grab a pudding cup form the fridge. When suddenly (it was strawberry btw) I was tackled by two large burly figures to the floor. It was so dark I couldn't see what they looked like, but they whispered into my ear as I began to pass out.
"Go to sleep..."
I awoke with a fright, and wished that it was still dark, for what I saw shook me to my core.
Sitting in a clean white room I looked up and saw four men before me, instead of wearing some kind of scary robe or ski masks, they wore full body cosplays of the Simpsons cast of critical fame! The big and ill fitting suits of Homer, Narge, Bart, and Lisa stared down at me. I screamed "WAAAHHH!!! WHAHYOOO!!!!" at them to no avail. I had plans of escape, but they thought differently. When I got up, they shoved me to the floor again and I fell on me bum.
"Do you know why we brought you here?" the Homer masked man said. "Nuh uh" I said back, confused and scared.
"It's because" the Lisa man spoke this time. "We are the darkness that lurk- (cough) I mean, we are the FBI, and we captured you so we could tell you that you won't have to worry about your house arrest for much longer. We have connections that can pay off the prosecutors and tell them never to cross you again. We are the FBI after all."
"Oh that's great!" I said, "But why did you kidnap me to tell me dis?"
"We don't want you getting out of this place just yet. You have a debt to pay for us." the Bart man exclaimed.
I began to question what xactly this place was. I looked around and saw out of the corner of my eye, very tiny security cameras tucked away in corners of the walls. Was I being monitored? Like a lizard?
Just when I thought things couldn't get any spookier, Marge stepped foreward from the group and slid a small gray rectangular thing. It was a VHS tape. "Not again" my mind screamed.
The tape. It read......................."THE CRIMSONS"!!!!!
For what I could only assume was a very morbid and scary version of The Simpsons TV show. I shuttered at the thought of watching yet another twisted tape, but if this was my only way out, if this was the only way of clearing my bad record, I figured I had to endure to the psychological torture, just once more.
They took me to a room, handcuffed, and sat me down in a tiny plastic chair. In front of me was an ugly looking old TV that they slipped the tape into. If I had knew just how bad what I was about to watch was, I'd pray to old jimminy christmas to salt my eyeballs.
As the clouds parted and Springfield came into view, the footage cut straight to black, but faded in again in front of the Spimson house hold. Why, I couldn't believe it. The Twlight Zone intro narrator Rod Sterling. Crossing his hands and looking down at me, he spoke something that I don't think was from the show. He might've said it though, I just never would watch TV shows that make be go "GADZOOKS!" and instead "HOOHOO!"
"Imagine, if you will, ponder, the creeping feeling, suspicion of the unearthly, by damned, the darkness, as it becomes less unfathomable. One day, he walked, the scary monster, ha ha hee hee."
I don't know what this meant so I'll skip that part.
Onto the episode itself, I knew that things weren't quite right. The VHS had a very light red hue over it, almost as if it was getting a heatstroke. The episode began like any other however. Homer Simpson awoke from his bed he was greeted by chirping birds and sunlight. A serene scene was very deceptive of what would come next.
Homer went downstare to greet the family. Everyone was there but THIS is when something REALLY let me know. This was. Off.
They didn't do the couch gag! Homer walked past everyone, said hi, grabbed his coat, and just walked towards his power plant job. Every stinkin Simpsons fan, and a greater ‘toon fan such as myself knows that they ALWAYS do the cough gag. A staple of Simpson ignored? I shuttered to know just what else could go wrong.
The episode continued with Homer driving to his workplace, the Simpsons Nuclear Power Plant. He seemed...sad. He sat down at his desk and oepend a Quickie-bar to eat, tears dripplin down the wrapper. They where so detailed, its as if I could reach into the screen and drink them.
Homers tears began to short circuit the electronics in front of him on his desk, the flying sparks startling him out of his sad daze. Before I, or Homber know it, his office space caught on fire! Within seconds the mighty Springfield Power plant sparked all over the place, and workers ran around, screaming awful bloody murder.
"Good lord, what have you done in there?!" one of the men shouted. Homer stepped out of his office and looked around for an escape. He ran past vats of nuclear waste and it was then that he reached to a cat walk. The stampede of men trotted and galumped across the vicinity, and before Homer knew it, he was knocked away and fell into one of the vats! Of nuclear waste!
I tried to pry my eyes away at the horrors that where presented before me. I looked back behind myself, and the Simpsons FBI agents to my surprise stood motionless, watching me like hungry vultures. "Gulp!" I said as I gulped. This was a scary, but I had to press on.
Stepping out of the vat, Homer had a green glow around him. He had become a mutant as green viens coursed through his body as well. His sadness turned to rage, and he looked like he was ready to f' someone up! This "Mutant Homer" roared with the fury of a thousand suns and marched out of the power plant in a hurry. He wasn't just on a mission to be angry. He was on a mission to KILL.
Marching through the streets of Springfield, Mutant Homer™ started vaporizing all in his way with his Homer Laser™. Entire houses became smoldering ruin, with the citizens of Springfield being caught in the flames. Moe, Milhouse, Principal Skinner, Ralph, Apu, and even Ned Flanders became scorched piles of flesh. Whoever animated this sequence, like before, was a sick and twisted individual. What kind of monster would go through cartoons and make them this dark and depraved?
It was a tragic site. I yelled up into the sky so my voice could hit the stratosphere. "Why God, WHYYY!!!" I yelled, clawing my nails into the wall above the TV. The agents grabbed my shoulders and sat me down again.
Suddenly, as my gaze turned back to the telly, I saw him. The monster that plagued me months ago. The one that knows nothing but violence that rolls like a loud thunderous drone.
It was Bam Bam.
I winced in fear at the troublesome toddler, but even though he was only in the cartoon, could I be sure if he was real? My questions remained unanswered as Mutant Homer™ fired his Homer Laser™ at Bam Bam, and in a stunning revelashon, the laser was useless. It bounced back off of Bam Bam, and in an instant, hit Mutant Homer™ with such force it explodeded him into bloody chunks!
Just as blood sprayed all over the screen, the footage cut out abruptly. Perhaps this could be the end, I wondered? Homer, the evil of the cartoon, was slain. Unlike Dread Grimstone he was a pushover. But, the sinking feeling in my heart knew that this was only the beginning.
I had noticed that, despite the TV turning blackened, the red tint from before was still there. It was much more visible this time. I reached out to touch the screen and my hand stove burned like it. I could only atune this to the fires of Hell itself.
"Did you grab the dark spellbook?" Marge Simpson said. "Deuughh yeah I got the one from the cabinet in the basement" Bart stammered. "Lisa sweetie could you bring the light over here?" Marge spoke. And with that, a candle was brought under center frame, revealing tat the Simpsons where dressed in some kind of menacing cloakwear. "Let there be light!" I would say, but God was not with these Simpsons.
The Simpsons family had all gathered around the living room and had placed a table in the center, boarding it with two couches. There was disturbing symbols and writing on the walls and floor, and combined with yet more candle lights, it looked like the Simpson family where performing some kind of dark demon ritual summoning.
And that, they did! My pupils vibrated intensely, teared welled up in my eyes. I never thought cartoons could be THIS SATANIC! The Simpsons Marge, Bart, Lisa, and even Maggie, gathered in a circle and held hands with each other. Surrounding the dark spellbook Marge requested, there were scribblings of unknown text, and most shocking of all, a fully sized skinned cow skull!
The simpsons closed their eyes, the candles burned brighter, and my TV turned redder. It seemed like it was going to burst into flames at any rate. Scary noises emanated from my TV as the simplems eyes shot open buldgingly with briht white light. All the Simpsorns chanted aloud, and what struck my ears was nothing short of bone chilling.
"OH HOMER SIMPSON TIS OF THEE, YOUR PRESENCE GRANTS A MIGHTY NEED. WITH EYES OF HELL AND AUROCH SKULL, RENDER DEVIL'S GRASP ALL BUT NULL. FROM DESTRUCTION COMES SPRINGFIELD RESURRECTION."
The dark spellbook spewed a dark gassy cloud which spun around and formed into what I can only say is utterly SPOOKY! The skull warped and twisted until it grew hyperly detailed flesh and gunk, until it became what looked like a very gross meatball. I was about to puke again, but I realized my bucket wasn't with me, so I held back.
As the meatball shifted around, it morphed into something...simpsonian. It was Homer, but larger, meaner, and scarier too! This Simspon, was on the move! He scurried across the living room table and slumped of, repositioning himself upright for my shattered mind to beholden. His eyes where dark pupils, and his body was a meaner, more rage filled shade of red. Marge yelled in surprise.
"WHAT IN THE FRIZZLE FRAZ HAPPENED? Why did Homer stay a demon? I thought we set up that resurrection spell correctly?!"
Marge investigated the spot of the summoning circle marked onto the spellbook, and amongs the the shrapnel of cow skull, there was black spots of powder. Licking it, Marge sqinted and figured out it was oregano powder.
"I was just tryna add a little pepper, man" Bort said. "I figured I'd try to add it in case the demons wanted a bargain to forgive dad's soul.". "Well now ya done and blew it" Marge said, "And now look at Homer. He's a monsta!" Marge screamed as Demon Mutant Homer™ began to bellow and flip tables, rip up couches, and cause all sorts of mess.
Marge sighed. "I didn't wanna have to do this, but there's no way that thing's Homer anymore, and there's no way we can stop it from destroying the world. Unless..."
The camera panned over to a square impression on the wall. Marge raised a remote and pressed it. The impression flipped, and right there was a big green button that said "BFN". Lisa pressed it, and just then, the screen began to shake. I myself could almost feel the vibrations and fell over in my chair. I looked up, lest I be sorefully reminded by the CIA agents for forgoing my duty.
Apparently the "BFN" stood for Big Freakin Nuke! Cuz the scene cut to Krusty the Clown, minding his business at a street corner, juggling, entertaining kids, but a trap door in the street opened and unveiled a nuke! And it was big! And freakin! When it rose up out of its hanger, it pushed Krusty up on its tip, as he screeched a crustular screech. The force of the atomic weapon blasted into the sky, and in a second that went by so fast that my simple eyes couldn't keep up, Krusty was no more, for he disappeared as quickly as he appeared.
"C'mon kids, lets head to the bunker in the basement! We can't waste a second out here!" Marge commanded her two children Bart and Loisa. Unfortunately as they ran to the basement, Demon Mutant Homer™ grabbed the leg of Bart and started nawing at it. "Help meeeee!!!!" Bart scremed
Marge peered from behind the door and looked disappointingly
"You're dead, Bart"
The door shut, and in that instant, a loud KABOOOOMMM rang my ears. Turning a bright white now instead of red, the TV screen displayed, once more, unbearably realistic and detailed footage of the nuke exploding as it wiped Springfield across the face of the planet in a blast. It was so violent and visceral, I would sooner wish to watch videos of cute puppies and kittens to cleanse my mind, than to spend another second being forced to view such atrocities.
And everything turned white.
The camera opened back onto a completely ruined Springfield, the houses burned with the smoldering remains of the streets and fixtures reduced to blackened ash. Panning over to once was the Simpsons house, emerging from the rubble was a horrendous sight. Demon Mutant Homer™ had now become DOUBLE mutated by the radiation, and so unfurling itself was an even more wicked beast. Double Demon Mutant Homer™ had such a gnarly appearance that it escapes words.
Fortunately while I'm bleeding I managed to draw a picture (with my own blood) of what the creature looked like and attach it to this email. But wait! I'm spoiling the rest of this story. Back to the past!
The footage became more distorted the longer the beast was on screen. His red skin matched perfectly with the sky, ground, just about everything in Springfield. It was like the world was baked in a red hue. Double Demon Mutant Homer™ forrigded around in the rubble for morses, as he drooled and licked his long rows of teeth with slobber.
I saw before me shuffling in the rubble in a smaller pile. The camera fixated on it, and breaking out of it was Bart! He was still alive, but horribly irradiated! His skin was bumpy and his teeth crooked, much like his fathers. I couldn't stand to see his ugliness! "BAH!" I said. "THIS IS REPULSIVE!". The CIA agents seemed to nod in agreement.
Double Demon Mutant Homer™ couldn't stand to look at it either, as he swung his big hands down and grabbed the mutated bartholomew, roared, and gobbled him up in his pelican mouth! Bartie was chewed into exactly 68 pieces (don't worry, I counted) which fell from the mouth and scattered and bounced off the ground. Dark storm clouds roled in, full of gray smoke what i no doubt was coming from the bomb.
I watched as the homer beast chortled in glee at his decimated son, but no sooner did he do so, a mutated figure of Marge appeared to challenge him. Both creatures exchanged roars like wild prehistoric animals, who seemed more than ready to square up. The Marge thing was taller than Double Demon Mutant Homer™, but the radiation had twisted her form into an eerie spire made of stilts.
Before the two mighty beasts collided, the footage distorted even further, and more worryingly, sparks flied out of the TV! I shot back in my chair, this time falling over head over heals. My worst fear was realized, as the increased redness of the screen, and now the burningly hot heat given off by the television, that this thing was more microwaved than a cooked potato. A loud, booming, but strangely southern sounding voice rang out.
"Dinners ready!"
With a loud DING, the TV finally short circuited and exploded. I was lucky to narrowly miss he flying glass and shrapnel heading my way.
But what came stepping out of the TV screen was far, FAR worse.
Somehow, a full sized white man fit inside that TV. Yes, a man of real flesh and blood it seemed. He had leather boots and blue jeans, a denim jacket, and a blue plaid undershirt shirt to match. He stepped out of it with no problem at all. Towering over me, I could see that he had a stubbly beard and moustache. He had dirty brownish blonde hair and blue eyes, and he looked to me like an action hero protagonist, but I could tell he had sinister intentions with that toothy grin on his face.
"Hey fella, pick yourself up. Yer' on camera."
He pointed above me, his arm straight out, and that's when I noticed and pried my head away from wince it had been facing and saw a security camera placed on a tall corner of one of the walls of the room. I asked the man what the heck was happening. Was I being recorded?
"Of course ye' are. Ye' make fine entertainment. I was just waitin' for a sucker like you to fall into my trap."
This didn't make sense. Trap? But what kind of trap would involve me watching a haunted VHS tape? I did a little twirl and looked around the room. There was two double doors that I failed to notice to the right of me, and out came two more men in suits, this time with a large bag. A large human sized bag.
My eyes gleeblesnorked around for any signs of exit, but they prominently landed on the room just behind the doors. A room that seemed like a control center with cameras, and most notably was a large computer with a frail old man behind it, as he seemed to be adjusting a video editing program. A video featuring me in a facecam watching The Crimsons!
The mysterious man spoke once more. "I think we may need to roll things back abit. You don't know who I am, but the folks around ‘ere call me The Boss. Those agents wearing the uh, Simpson gear that snatched you. They're all part of my content farming scheme. And so are you. We be making money out of watching you jump around and scream at those spooky tapes I made. Reaction videos are all the rage these days!"
"You made them?" I gasped. "Is that why they're so freakin' scary?". No sooner than those words left my mouth, I remembered the initials on the package I got. The package that started this all. D and J.
"I was the one who sent you that VHS tape. I was the one who told the police to place you on house arrest. I was the one who sent my CIA goons to kidnap you. I have been watching you ever since you went to check your mailbox. I have eyes everywhere. I. Am. God."
My ears couldn't believe the words being drumbed at my face. Is this was the true master of our universe look like? Some kind of narcissistic southern sounding version of Jesus?
My anxiety peaked when The Boss reached inside of his shirt pocket and pulled out a pistol. Thanks to my quick thinking, I swiftly dodged the bullet that went past my shoulder. It hit one of the Simpson mask people behind me. "D'oh!" one of them said. That's how I knew he killed the Homer man as he slumped to the ground, dead.
My feet flew like butterflies as I pushed passed the two men who came out of the control center. I barged into the room and took everyone inside by surprise. The Boss yelled after me "Where you goin'? The fun's just started!" as I passed several people who what I could assume where employees. There was a frail old man with white streaks of hair that eyed me as i ran, and quickly picked up pace. It was nightmarish, as he practically lunged at me like an animal that leaps on things.
It was then that the frail man pulled a taser on me and i got zapped. I was shocked. My shoulder was electrified by the sharp metal prongs and I had to lay down. But I knew that I had to keep running, or certain DEATH would come my way. I slouched over to a corner down a long sterile hallway. The Boss was close behind, repeating the phrase "I'mma gonna get'chu" over and over. Panicking, I saw one of those vent chute thingies and jumped into it to make an escape. I slide down the vent like a swirly slide, only this slide was a slide of evil.
Tumbling down into the long tubular ventilation, i rolled and fell into a pit that reeked full of stench. I got my bearings and stood up and found that I was stepping on corpses! Eyikes! All of them where bloodied and showed signs of bullet holes and stab wounds. As I crept over the pile of bodies, i found that it seemed to slope and get smaller the further I walked aand could see floor. The blood came out of waves that splattered on everything. Even, to my surprise, boxes full of VHS TAPES! This must be the storage room where they stored them. This is where the Grimstones was stent to me from.
I took my time to slowly gather my surroundings as i walked further into the spooky and dimly lit halls that stood before me, for it was my only way out. There was no escape from here but up, and by goodness there was no way to go up the way I came.
"Could it be?" I thought to myself when I stumbled upon an elevator at the end of a long, dark, and inconspricious hallwa. Unfortunately, dear reader, it was not, for it is the reason why i amb slowly bleedinf uot while typing this. The Boss was there when I opened the steel doors, and he shot me in teh chest. I ran away from him in fear that he wuld shoot me again. As I went pasd the other rooms in the hallways, it seemed like a labyrih witt no hop of escap. I did hoever, manag too find a computr room, and open a laptop, open googel driv, and typee all of this out as a warnig. I will convert this messag e as an email, and send it to someplace beyond this unknown facilite
Doo not picc up random packages from yourr mailbox. As i bleed out, pourig bloody blood all over da floor and onto the laptop keys, i finally know now why theyy call i t the crimso n
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