The Devil and I Had a Jerkoff-athon: Difference between revisions

Well, me, by gum, I’mI'm just a ye olde country boy. Nothing but butterbiscuits and ham pudding at my table, shuck’emupshuck'emup.

So’sSo's I’mI'm out a-fishin one entire summer, when if you’dyou'd be a pickle in a sassafras patch I ran right into Satan incarnate. The Unholy Rolley. Luciferrigno hisself.

And if I hadn’thadn't shat my britches, I’dI'd a-died in thatthere patch of wild wilderness patch!

The devil comes up and gives a say: “Thou"Thou aren’taren't the country boy Eldritch, ares’tares't thine?”"

My pink butt ears perked right up like a sunflower in a cauliflower salad. “Well"Well by gum I shoooooore is! And who might you beist, red horned foe?”"

“Well"Well I’mI'm the Fallen Los Angel, the devil.”" When he said that last participle, fire the yellow of a cow’scow's pus pocket shot right outta his ocular holes.

“Ok"Ok, then,”" the Deviled Eggs said. “Now"Now!”" And with that, he released his ungodly sized man peen. It was bright red like a Jolly Ranch and veined like a oxroast pie. I looked at in a sordid mix of terrifiedness and eroticismic awe.

He started givin’givin' his rocket pop and hyperquick yank. Like some jet airplane it was a-fast.

Suddenly, he go “Blooooooooooorrrrrrrggggg"Blooooooooooorrrrrrrggggg!”" all loud and blasphemically, and shoots gallons of sticky, black demon jizz all over me and the surrounding treelines. ‘Twas'Twas like an opaque Vaseline hose just unloaded a truck’struck's worth of petrified wood.

I yucked aloud and spat out the foul smelling ball cache. “Garooooooooooossssssss"Garooooooooooossssssss! If’nIf'n you ain’tain't the trickiest lil anti-Jooses out there!”" I said, full-on disgusted with life as I then knew it.

The Devil just did a big laugh and transmogrified into some sorta Beatle. I think it was Ringo, but I’mI'm more of a Mamas and Papas fan. To add insult to injury, the moptopped Mod Brit sang:

“Aw"Aw butternuts!”" I yelled at my penis.