The Forbidden Ritual

Last year I really got into Voodoo and rituals. I was looking online and found a ritual that is able summon crystals. I would soon learn that this ritual was forbidden. I went into my basement and prepared my cauldron. I first poured bottles of cough syrup as a base and mixed it with my broom with the special ingredients. There were some other steps that involved chemicals sold at Home Depot. I had a feeling the cashier at Home Depot was also into magic as he gave me a strange look when I bought the ingredients for the ritual. After 5 hours, the ritual was completed and the crystals had been summoned. I was a true wizard.

My mom however was upstairs and she was furious. "What the fuck is that smell! It smells like a septic tank on fire!" when she came down and saw the ritual, she started crying. Maybe this was a dark ritual, and she was upset that her son was performing dark magic. "Get out of my house! Get out now! NOW!" she screamed. I took my cauldron and left.

I didn't know what to do. I had lost my home, and all I had left was my cauldron that contained the dark ritual that broke my relationship with my mother. I went to my favorite restaurant and sat in the booth. Perhaps some fried chicken would help me out. The owner came down to see if everything was ok. "I've lost everything. All I have is this." I told the owner. The owner sat in front of me and said "3 million dollars. 3 months of your time."

After performing this ritual in the basement of a laundromat for 3 months, the police came to my home, which I bought with the money I made from the ritual. Apparently I was doing something called money laundering, which doesn't make sense to me because why would anybody want to work at a laundromat if making money there is illegal. They also said that the crystals I was making were illegal. I never should have done this ritual.

I'm in jail right now and my cellmate is a purple troll.

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Credited to Pf_Farnsworth 

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